(Untitled)

[joancrawford]

Yes, yes it's been a while, but Joan is a busy queen!

Hmm, it appears I'm still a little sore from last night. Jon Lovitz came over, and we had our own private COCKtail party. He put up a good fight, but I managed to tangle him in my love-nest and slam him hard with the double-dong.

But enough about me. Let's talk about YOU for a while! It's been

Comments

[archiedavis]

joan...
darling!

the void in my heart nearly matches the emptiness of my bed you once filled. your shrill voice in my ear, the feel of your nails down my back, the feel of your high heels on my throat...

my dear joan, you have been missed.

Re:

[joancrawford]

And I have missed you, my little kali puff! I bought a few new "outfits" that I'd love to try on for you sometime!

Love, J.C.

As for me?

[mary_fisher]

I haven't heard word from you in months, dearest Joan.. My seashell bed next to the seashore misses you. I have some new love beads I want to try on your ass. Now BEND OVER BITCH AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY.. GAAAAA!!!! FAAAAAA!!!!!!

Re: As for me?

[joancrawford]

Mary Fisher lives in a palace by the sea...AND SHE'S GOT CRABS STUCK IN HER COOTCH TO MATCH HER SANDY CHEEKS! I'M GONNA SHOVE THAT DOUBLE-DONG SO FAR UP YOUR CUNT, IT'LL COME OUT YOUR MOUTH! PREPARE FOR A FUCKING, YOU HOT HUSSY!

Love, J.C.

Re: As for me?

[mrs_fisher]

You wouldn't want her... she's not really 34, shes 41..... I've got the birth certificate to prove it.

Re: As for me?

[mary_fisher]

DONT LISTEN TO HER... shes getting... eh' Senile! :-D

[kiashadow]

Oh Joan! Welcome back!

You can't imagine how much I've missed you. It seems like my life is just ever so dull without you. I hope you had lovely fun with Jon and I'm glad that you're back.

Re:

[joancrawford]

Jon is a remarkable lover, and very well endowed. I thank you for your words of kindness. TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FANS, I LOVE YOU ALL!

Love, J.C.

Spring Fever

[robby]

Darling Joan, this warm spring weather has done wonders for my libido. I'm too sexy for my pants!

Re: Spring Fever

[joancrawford]

Robby darling, How good it is to see you again! Unfortunately, the link you provided doesn't seem to work! Were you trying to trick an unsuspecting shop girl into seeing a 'naughty' picture of you? You cad! ;)

Love, J.C.

[robby]

Yes, my naked "Ode To Spring" has been quickly censored. Some internet cretin can't distinguish art from smut! Dear Joan, have you ever had to contend with this sort of interference? What should I do?

Re:

[joancrawford]

Those UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS! You see, I've never come across this problem, my body is considered a work of art by all. Even when bent in my most unique 'poses'.
If I were you, I'd start sucking and fucking my way up the corporate ladde...er...I mean...
Why don't you try a nasty letter? Attitude mixed with dignity can be a heavenly recipe.

Love, J.C.

[secretime]

Oh, Joan, you have me FLUSHED with excitement.
My paper about you is nearly finished. I even managed to work in a quick mention about precious tender little Christina and how effective a parenting tool a wire hanger can be!
I surely will get a high grade on this. Will you contact my professor if not?
I'm sure he would be delighted to receive a smart, glossy, autographed picture of the
QUEEN OF MEAN

urging him praise anything about you.

Re:

[joancrawford]

My dear, I am truly honored that you have chosen me as the topic for a paper, and I would be delighted to RIP THIS GUY A NEW ASSHOLE if he doesn't give you what you deserve.

Love, J.C.

[secretime]

he gave me a B+.
That freaky fuck can eat it!
Oh, and when I picked up my paper from his office, I saw him drinking Coca Cola and lovingly caressing a photo of Bette.

Re:

[joancrawford]

That's it!!

CAROL ANNE!!! BRING ME MY ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!!

Love, J.C.