OK, good news, boys and girls. If any of you want to marry that special someone (of the opposite sex or of ambiguous sex only, please), I can now legally marry you and that lucky guy, gal, or "it". That's right: I've become a legally ordained minister (except in the states of Arkansas, Delaware, Louisiana, Oklahoma, New York City, and Virginia). ( Read more... )

I was just spotted standing out on Hewlett Ave. with a t-shirt and a homemade ping-pong paddle in one hand and a box of Lucky Charms in another. Boy, I must have been quite a sight...

Ah, so everyone's writing about Valentine's Day, and since I've never been one to stand up against peer pressure, I guess I don't have much of a choice, so here's my two shekels ( Read more... )

Hey--check out this school. It's Oxford College at Miami University in Ohio. How misleading is that??

Person 1: Oh, so you're going to Columbia Community College? Yeah, that's cool, I guess....
Person 2: Yeah. Where are you going?
Person 1: Oxford.
Person 2: Holy Moses, for serious?????
Person 1: Yeah! Well, not the Oxford...Oxford College. It's ( Read more... )

Hey Shalom! Today was a good day. A good, good day. I helped represent Kennedy in what is by far our most successful team sport--Science Olympiad. It was held at nearby Kellenberg, a private school that just put Kennedy to shame in its...privacity. I went to take a whiz early in the morning, the bathrooms were made out of marble. There were TWO ( Read more... )

Shalom! Sorry I can't update yet again tonight, but my obviously anti-Semitic teachers have just given me much too much work, so I leave you with some food for thought for the night: If Dr. Dre could get a PhD., then what the hell is our world coming to?? Shalom alechem...

I just got the most ghetto (like me) phone call. My cell rang, it's a 718 number, where I know no one, so I pick it up, and I hear the voice of what sounded like Tony Soprano. "Hey, it's Tony." Typical Italian mobster accent. On the phone a typical scared shitless Jew. "Umm...I...umm....please don't order a hit on me?". Fine, not those exact words ( Read more... )

My seven year old sister just called me a male chauvenist (her exact words were "Well, you're a male chanauvanist!"). When someone like her says it, does that mean it's true?

Shalom! What's up with you? Cool. Me too. Sorry to hear about that whole toe fungus thing, I ( Read more... )

Shalom shalom alechem mis amigos. (Yeah, I'm cool. You know it.) No entry lately, oy! I'm s...s...sowwy....:-[ Tell me that's not so, so adorable. Well, at least....it would be in real life. I have a puppy face that would bring a 6'5", 280 lb lumberjack to his knees. Anywho, last night I was much too busy taking this practice SAT. It was rough. ( Read more... )