i just got home. i had a great conversation with silas, i really like him a lot. we just talked for hours about life and everything. i realized i might be too intense for people if i open up because i force them to recognize a truth that so many people are either in denial about or incapable of understanding. when i said to him i used to cut my ( Read more... )

so chris just left after staying the night. he was actually only here like 6 hours. we were like in the middle of a makeout session and i think we both just passed out. i was so tired from being out all night the night before. he was pretty tired too, neither of us remembered falling asleep. i've decided i really do like him. i don't know if i ( Read more... )

my to-do list for today ( Read more... )

oy. i miss adam =\ i think it's just cuz i'm bored right now. i hope. this is the first day in awhile that i've missed him. i cried earlier. ugh. but, i'm not going to call him. i'm just going to tough it out. i don't want anything to do with him, even talking to him once could set a series of conversations into motion. and that is something i ( Read more... )

i got accepted to study abroad in madrid this fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

I AM SO F'ING HAPPY!!!!!! GOODBYE NEW YORK! HELLO SPAIN

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

i have to say, i am really becoming aware of myself, my actions and who i want to be. you really can make yourself. as in, have aspirations and goals, ideas, and make a consciencous effort to become these things. i really want to be a better person, and i already feel i am progressing in a positive direction. and i think especially with being on a ( Read more... )

i spoke to adam today. i was planning on not talking to him for awhile before telling him i don't want to talk to him anymore, but i decided that would be really mean. and even though adam put me through ungodly amounts of pain, i don't want to be that kind of person. the past few days, perhaps because it's been so nice outside, have been very ( Read more... )

so adam had finally called me tuesday, after 11 days of me not knowing if he was ok, crying everyday, worried literally sick. and he calls and says he came up here (ny) from north carolina, visited his family and fucked an ex girlfriend from 8th grade. he said the long distance thing isn't working, which i have felt for a long time now, but he ( Read more... )

i'm listening to a sublime song right now where clips of police calls are interjected throughout the song, and i realized that they're really sending out a powerful message in this song. i hated the song until now, but i'll have to re-evaluate my opinion of it ( Read more... )

i just had a profound realization. well, maybe not profound. i was just sitting on my couch in my pajamas, eating ice cream and watching cartoons. i live like a damn child! all this crap about becoming so mature, i am the furthest thing from it. i have not changed a bit since i was 5 years old, ugh. oh christ i just realized my apartment is covered ( Read more... )