Dental hygiene brands have now come up with retarded flavors such as lemon ice and orange citrus toothpastes, bubblegum and cherry mouthwash, and God knows what else. The last time I checked people were supposed to have a fresh, clean sensation in their mouth after brushing their teeth, not a feeling like they just sucked on a lemon or chewed on ( Read more... )

Things I don't want to hear you say to me when you find out I'm Greek:

1) "Did you see my 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding?'"- This question is not only unnecessary, it's just plain retarded.  If I find out you're Italian I don't ask you if you saw "The Godfather" or watch "The Sopranos", and if I find out you're Irish I don't ask you if you saw "The ( Read more... )

Colds are unbelievable. Last night I was so sick, I decided Nyquil would be the answer to all of my problems. WRONG! Apparently attempting to pour and consume Nyquil while lying down is not the smartest idea ever. Now my bed sheets look like a fucking murder scene. Thanks to work, I haven't yet had time to clean them. However, as you may have ( Read more... )

There is a commercial for a Spray and Wash Stain Cleaner for clothes that I just viewed. It's the kind of commercial that makes you feel like less of a person after watching it, to the point where you feel like you just shit ur pants in a movie theater seat or something. The commercial is staged in supermarket, where it is supposed to be a ( Read more... )

I just farted and it sounded like a machine gun.

I'm not going to gloat, but I am even impressed with myself.

Autographs available upon request.

Cheers.

The majority of law officials are "reformed" trouble maker kids that didn't have much other choice but to be the law or break the law or dorky guys from high school that didn't get much play, so they figured this would be a good way to pick up chicks and have an ego booster. And let's not forget our dear pals lesbian law officials such as Officer ( Read more... )

Nick: it's now completely legal in Flordia to kill people as long as you felt threatened
Me: r u kidding?! where does it say that?
Nick: Here
Me: I'm going to gather up a bunch of people I don't like and take them on a trip to Disney World.
Nick: lol

And before I depart, Paris Hilton is the dumbest bitch alive that's not ( Read more... )

I'd rather share a seesaw with Ralphie May than go through with tomorrow ( Read more... )

I THINK THEY SHOULD RENAME MY SUPER SWEET 16 TO MY SUPER SWEET BANKRUPTCY!

Let's meet a couple of the brats:

First off we have Hart (pronounced Heart).  Hart is an idiot.  And you see, it all went downhill right off the bat when his parents gave birth to him and gave him that froofy name.  They should have named him Fart instead, because he ( Read more... )

Me: let me see what movies are playing
Jay: i think pocohantas 2: the castration of john smith is out now
Me: hahaha! If it's 3-D count me in!
Jay: better, claymation.
Me: fucking awful, nothing is playing
Me: it's between ice princess and diary of a mad black woman, and believe me,... I can find plenty of both of those at this school
Jay: