My chest hurts. I feel like there are hands all over my body, pressing in. I want to throw up.

Are we breaking up? Should we?

I don't think I should be with anyone. All I do I ruin them, break hearts, drive myself into the ground...

I tried to hold my head under the water. I hate myself. I don't deserve faithfulness, or commitment, or love. All I do ( Read more... )

My heart hurts.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Start of the new month; hadn't even realized it. Listening to Utada Hikaru.

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I have a lot of down time here at work, so I think I’ll write a little. I might bring in some of my writing tomorrow morning to work on, since all of the projects I have left to do at the office require Luanne’s supervision (i.e. going through the files on her desk, organizing the accounting cabinets, etc). Maybe I can make a little more headway on ( Read more... )

Fuck. I posted to twitter without thinking about it.

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Not answering is killing me, but I know I can't. The pit in my stomach is growing. Hearing his tone of voice in that voicemail he left me this afternoon... it just makes this harder. He doesn't understand that I'm doing this for the both of us. I'm bad for him.

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight.

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I'm writing to my journal because I know you won't read this. I'm afraid of you, but mostly afraid of what I did to you. I turned you into something... because when I met you, you were a different person than the man who cheated on me. You weren't this liar... you weren't so angry, you weren't a cheater. But after me, you were.

Is this what I will ( Read more... )

Well, almost a year. 11 months.

It's strange, my life has run in circles a thousand times in the last eleven months. I've had my second mildly serious relationship, I lived with a boy (it was just a terrifying as I imagined it would be), I broke another boy's heart... I ran plenty of circles around jobs and figuring out which way to go with my life ( Read more... )

I just tagged a ridiculous amount of things in this post but I think they're all relevant.

So I'll go one by one. Affection. Ok, well, Matt is abnormally affectionate when it's just the two of us, but in front of others I'm just another female friends. So basically our actual relationship is a massive secret. Who knows what other secrets he has ( Read more... )

 It's full and beautiful ( Read more... )