5:20 am nightmare ( Read more... )

i woke up pretty sad today. mostly because once again i didnt ( Read more... )

alright, so i did sort of have a talk with matt. i was supposed to break it off but somehow he convinced me that things would get better if i waited a little bit longer. i still feel as thought he is on his last string with me though. yet, after 4 or 5 days of not seeing him through the week...i miss him. or his company. or something he ( Read more... )

i feel so sad. and angry. i miss scotland and gordon so much. i miss how all the stress i had about everything in my life was ...just..lifeted from my shoulders the moment i stepped foot on foreign ground. nothing predetermined about my future, my career, and graduating college. no social pressure to have friends and hang out. no actual NEED to ( Read more... )

i am getting absolutely sick and tired of matt. as the arctic monkeys say, love is not only blind, but also deaf. he doesnt listen or he doesnt listen but then doesnt realize when he does the exact same stuff i ask him to be weary of. like saying he wants to hang out and do something, specific like, and then changes plans. hung out with him on ( Read more... )

i dont care that i dont feel guilty. i dont care that i may be doing this for vengence. i dont have regrets. i did it because it felt right and becuase it made me happy. i wasn't a dope about it at all. i am not whoring my life about. i am a complete individual. and i think i dont mind becuase it gave me all the randomness and unexpected ( Read more... )

matts email back to me after me 6page physicL LETTER explaining in detail everything that o have thought of felt over the past half year with concerns to him ( Read more... )

i wnet to edinburgh on sat with nataliee, isabella, dianna, kirtley, alexis, and callie. erin did go, which is weird, but then the train station messup and gave her the wronge tickets which she ordered online. she had like 5 tickets to different places for the rest of the semester and neither of them were for that day. she shuld have just bought ( Read more... )

this is the message i sent matt on sunday (i think). he had a chence to get it on sunday, and tuesday...but that is if only he checked his email..on the internet,...which he olny has some of the times...i think ( Read more... )

apparently matt enjoys pissing me off. he didnt answer my call on sat, and i left a message. about a half hour later i called back and his phone was turned off. great .fuck. so i email him that he needs to tell me when i can call him and he says anytime after 9pm...ok great..so that means i have to stay up till 2am to make an expensive call that ( Read more... )