We're not together but we're not apart, niether one of has all of the other's heart.

yesterday Tim came over. Ilove him. why are people told that they can't love anyone until they are old and bitter? until they love themselves? why are people convinced that love can be chopped up and measured, poured into boxes? love is a feeling, not something one ( Read more... )

i got in a fight with Andy today and frankly i'm just sick of this. we're both ridiculous. i want so badly to be free but i supposedly need to be taken care of and it hurts me that i'm viewed of as so weak. i got a lecture about cutting from Andy and Lieberman and it made me feel so trapped and i've heard it all before. the things they were telling ( Read more... )

i have experienced far more than i would ever wish upon another person. and i am more aware than i ever hoped to be. there is a quote from a song i used to listen to with my dad that describes this perfectly. "choke me in the shallow waters before i get too deep." i think my voice has sang enough, my eyes have seen enough, and my hands are lonely ( Read more... )

 i wish that i could hurt myself and take this pain away
but then youd only cage me in a box and make me stay
i cried out to the moonlight wished that it could swallow me
i've lived my life with an eternal longing to be free
i've struck your heart and made it bleed so many times before
i wish that i could strike my own and fall upon the floor
sreaming, ( Read more... )

i feel alone. desperate, scared and alone. yesterday i spent time with Tim. i love him. i saw Andy. i love him. i'm so torn. so helpless and torn. i cannot stay with both of them. it hurts them. Karla wants Tim. i want her to be happy, but i need him too. i should die. everyone can figure out thier lives from there. i will never be happy. Andy and ( Read more... )

happyhappyhappyhappy wheeeee!

no, i'm not stoned. i just talked to my timmy! he's coming home on friday. we're gonna chill at my house around 4:00 and everything will be ok. (for now) i told him i loved him and he said he loves me too. he told me he made pictures for everyone. he's a real good artist ::smiles:: i can't wait to be with him again. ( Read more... )

a wasted life i pay the price for all you've done to me
absorbing only what is there, and never what i see

i wish that i could follow you, a shadow in your dust
but that is what i used to do now as i drown i rust

i walk amoung the wasted, the hidden, the unnamed
the ones who do the damage are seldom ever blamed

i stare into the sunset that clouds refuse ( Read more... )

* can't you see, you were meant for me since the day i was reborn,
a ragdoll sewn from tragedy,
a prodegy of the storm

can you hold me again? make me yours, and make me real
can you heal me again? there's too much i cannot feel

i cannot cease to love you dear
despite what i've been told
i can't explain why i long for you, or why i've been so cold

can you ( Read more... )

they won't accept me in fuckin' rehab cuz my insurance won't pay for it, yet i still got piss tested today. who knows what kinda fucked up stuff i have in my system.... it really doesn't matter anymore. basicly they had to combine two programs to "fit my needs" half Exel and half Connections. two outpatient programs at St. vincent's hospital. i met ( Read more... )

Tim, you didn't get me put in the hospital. you deserve both life and death. death when you are ready, not when others are "sick of you". i can't stand what you think of yourself. you are one of the deepest people i know. you have talent and beauty inside of you that i greatly admire. you are the only one who truely understands me.
 word on the ( Read more... )