i'm still unhappy with the fact that "she" thought it was ok to go in and see him....not that i can do anything about it now..but she's fucking evil..and it's one of those "if i ever see her on the street..she better turn and run..or else" cuz honeslty matt isn't here to make me bite my tongue anymore..and i hope that now that he has "an outside ( Read more... )

i talked to matt today...i told him that i guess he finally found out who his real friends are...or who really knew him. everyone who thinks that he planned this all out..or that he really wanted this outcome didn't know him. which is sad..but then i look at the people who know it as it really it is..and i told him he was real lucky..and so are we ( Read more... )

i didn't really finish my last entry....even though he wasn't in that stupid box...he was in the room. he pulled matt mesas all night..hehe. the sign fell down, the place almost caught fire, the toilets over flowed..it was matt ( Read more... )

tonight was the night..the last time i ever physically see him..and physically seeing him was horrible. it didn't look like him..it was terrifying..but i had to say good-bye. i gave him the sunglasses..i touched his hand..but i knew he wasn't really there

it's one hour away...just one. i've been shaking all day but it hasn't hit me. the second i walk in that door i'll crumble.

i got matt's cigarettes today. one for me, logan, aj, joe pye, taylor..and whoever else..but there better be enough left for that newport smoking asshole.

i suppose i

i just realized it's tuesday....the last day that i'll ever see matthew aaron mesa. i suppose i better make the visit a good one.

i see his beautiful face when i close my eyes..i just wish i could smile everytime, but i'm not ready yet.

it's sad how little actually matters ( Read more... )

Get up and put on a smile, for this too shall pass! i saw that on an away message..and i thought a happy thought about matt..!

i really appreciate that all my friends are here for me and stuff..and aj has been amazing to me and it means a lot..but with everything that happens..i just keep saying "matt should be here..he should see this" nothing is the same without him.