♋ ACT II > BE THE JERK

[kinda_crabby]

[> Karkat spent the last few days being a very productive Troll. By which I mean, Karkat has spent the week bouncing between UNIMAGINABLY FURIOUS, RIDICULOUSLY SAD, and just generally REALLY MISERABLE. He is only now finally deciding to actually use this "phone" whatsits and reach out to all these humans.Alright, first of all, I am going to take a

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[thirdeyeclosed]

Troll?

Hey, hey, do you know a girl named Feferi?

[kinda_crabby]

[> Be UTTERLY APPALLED but NAIVELY HOPEFUL at the possible reason behind that question!]

WHAT?! How the fuck do you know that name?!

[thirdeyeclosed]

Feferi was here a few of months ago! She didn't last long, though; she got stuck as one of the creepy drone people after a couple of weeks.

[kinda_crabby]

What the Hell do you mean Feferi was here months ago? Is this some weird human-based month, because where I'm from it's a lot longer than "never".

[justice_smells]

[She caught most of this over the phone, but declined to respond. Instead she went outside and started asking the drones where her Human School Friend Karkat lives.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, she is in his house, silently creeping towards his room...]

[kinda_crabby]

[Karkat is in his room looking over his various INTERESTS and HOBBIES.

Or at least what Drone Karkat was supposed to have for INTERESTS and HOBBIES. Karkat doesn't even know what to make of this club-like object. Maybe it was for batting something? Who knows.]

[justice_smells]

[Aaaaaaaaaaaand GRABFROMBEHIND]

Fearless leader!

[kinda_crabby]

ARGH!

[Karkat proceeds to FLIP THE FUCK OUT.]

[wondering_eye]

The best way to function in a human body is not to get killed.

[kinda_crabby]

OH. OH. Oh, good! Thanks. Gee fucking wizz, so THAT'S what I've been doing wrong. Well, no more playing in traffic for me!

[wondering_eye]

If you ask a stupid question you should expect stupid answers.

[kinda_crabby]

You know what?

Fuck you for saying that and fuck me for walking into that.

[heartstar_blues]

You really want to know how to work a human body?

[kinda_crabby]

That IS what I asked.

[heartstar_blues]

Well then, you know that hole your using to be annoying?

You shove food in there, chew and swallow. Same goes for water but without the chewing part.

[kinda_crabby]

That explains why the cabbage in my pants isn't being digested.

I KNOW HOW TO EAT. That shit we have in common. Human bodies seem so dumb and squishy compared to the average Troll. I feel like I'm going to break this thing.

[ergaleomancer]

I seem to have fallen into being a welcome wagon of sorts... [[And the talking about the 'handle' was quite amusing, too. There's a smile in Theta's voice as she speaks.]]

I can tell you a lot about most of the things you've asked, but I'd prefer not to go into it over the phone. Those that are keeping us here have a tendency to listen.

[kinda_crabby]

Yeah? Fuck them. Fuck their peepshow and fuck this prehistoric communication device. I couldn't care less if they can hear this. All I want to know is if what I said is right and how to maintain this body without it breaking down like a piece of shit.

[ergaleomancer]

There's no need for that level of profanity. And furthermore I'm not willing to give important information in a place where they can listen in.