depression...fucking...sucks...

Sigh

How am i still such a mess? i feel like theres something wrong with me. i should be over him...us...all of this, but im not. i still miss him, i still want to be with him. shouldnt i want more for myself? whats wrong with me?

Whoever said time heals all wounds must not have been very hurt...

I'm so sick of being sad...this shouldnt still be going on...I should feel better at least a little bit. But it still feels like everything just happened yesterday....fuck....

blah...

I just found out Ricky's parents house burned down on saturday. Im trying to get a hold of him to make sure he is okay. I knew something was wrong. I know no one was hurt, my dad just came across the records at work and called me. This is awful...

everyday i expect to wake up feeling a little better than the day before. somedays it happens but somedays its worse. Im trying so hard to get over it...Im trying not to cry anymore...I dont know how to control any of that though. I put away everything he gave me, everything that reminded me of him...all our memories together. I thought maybe ( Read more... )

Today would have been our 2 year anniversary...:( this isnt going to be easy for me.

Im too old for nightmares. To be fair they are a whole different type of fear and emotion than the witches and monsters that used to wake me up terrified in the middle of the night. I think I would welcome those dreams back if I could avoid what I felt last night/ this morning ( Read more... )