Blah - I'm still awake. I've just been laying in bed, analyzing shit. I'm not suicidal right now. I wish I could capture this tate of mind, so the next time it changes, I won't do anything stupid ( Read more... )

Wow, I haven't written for 12 hours... Shame on me. Well, a couple things happened since I last wrote. I did end up taking a shower, and I did get my belt, but instead of taking a nap, I curled up and watched this movie called "The Tenth Kingdom." Damn T.V. finally sucked me in ( Read more... )

I believe it is a measure of my intelligence that I could think of those suicide ways. I will attempt the belt-strangulation. If it works then it works; if it doesn't work, I will stop having such suicidal thoughts, I think ( Read more... )

Well, right now I'm in a group therapy that is actually slightly useful. It's about cognitive therapy and how I should look to the good things that I can do. When I (or you) say "should" you automatically set a standard that, if it can't be reached, can lead to depression. Now the nurse tech, Linda, is talking about abuse. I'm pretty sure I was ( Read more... )

So some drama kind of happened. I earlier, Karin had been telling me how Dr. A said that she had to be discharged. She can't be discharged. She thinks that her mind is still unstable and when she gets out, she'll try to kill herself. And it would be far easier for her to do that, too. So she wouldn't sign her safety statement, to prove that ( Read more... )

I'm nervous and scared. I think they took my notebooks and my belt. I did it last night, but it was odd. Very odd. I had set up a final message and everything ( Read more... )

Woo hoo! I got a new pen to replace my old one. It's nice and red. For some reason the red is really pink on this page. Anyways... Lots of things happened since I last wrote. I wanted to write alot of things ( Read more... )

So now I have a sure-fire plan to kill myself. I can lodge part of my belt in the door, and then lean forward on my knees and wait till I pass out. When I pass out, there'll still be the stress on my neck so I should die by strangulation. So now that I have this sure-fire way, I'm not sure when I'll do it. I think I'll say my goodbyes to Lizz ( Read more... )

Self-strangulation is the only relief that I've found here at Snowden. Earlier, we had a group meeting where we made a big wreath. Woo hoo! Everyone is gone now... It's only me and Karin in this Transitions unit. There's also that girl Sophie. She's a short black girl, who looks really young, and is actually 18. But since she's still in high ( Read more... )

I am pretty angry right now. I talked to my father, and he said that they turned him away this morning because I had rescinded my consent 10 minutes before his arrival. I have no idea how I could have done that. Have I become schizophrenic? I'm fairly sure that I haven't gone that far. I did not rescind my consent, and someone fucked up ( Read more... )