i miss home and i miss jaedyn and family. someday brandyn and i will pack up and move there. i dont like missing out on jaedyn growing up. it breaks my heart when she calls me crying. she asked me again today when i was coming home to visit her. and that she couldnt make me dinner because i was on the other side of the moon and sun. and her ( Read more... )

today i turned 22.

and, i have the best boyfriend in the world.

job hunting sucks.

sooooo bad.

its been 8 days and much to everyone's surprise, im not sick of him. ive been in california since tuesday and its taking some time to get used to. im waiting for the downfall when i have to say goodbye and leave here ( Read more... )

the first day of autumn.
the first day of my grandma's chemo and radiation.
the first day where i felt like i couldnt talk to you about anything.

it'd be really nice if you were around for this.
if you told me you understood and werent mad at me.
or at least pretended you gave a fuck.
because at the moment, im really not sure.

i cry myself to sleep at night and pretend i'm fine during the day for everyone else. there's nothing i can do to help them and it's killing me. poor choice of words. i don't like not being able to fix things. that's what i do. but with this, i am powerless. what do i do? keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best? pray? cry ( Read more... )

breathe in.
breathe out.

repeat.

i keep forgetting.

my grandma has lung cancer and i'm at a loss for words.

you laugh and say hurtful things like youre joking. but i know youre not. and you dont realize how much it hurts me. i just want you to understand.

i just want someone to understand.
and no one seems to.

this is hard.
all of it.

getting ready to leave for the airport now to go to san francisco. while im beyond excited to see brandyn, im scared to death of flying in an airplane. not to mention all by myself. but ill be alright. (panic attack not included)