Does anyone out there still read this?

I just managed to make myself sad at 3:30am while watching a comedy for crying out loud.

I should've done it.

Tomorrow I'll be happy for you.

For now, I'll be sad for myself.

Thanks, Siree, for being an outlet for me tonight. I fear for other things right now too, that I did not mention, but you at least let me outlet one part of it.

I drank an entire bottle of wine tonight. I wanted to know what it took for me to feel emotion again, at least right now. This did it... I feel a struggle... I feel my regret again... that numbness that pervades my normal day... this is what it takes to break it... funny thing, I should be drunk right now, or something. But I am coherent... I ( Read more... )

P.S. I just looked at the end of my last post. I am glad you told me your middle name all those years ago. You may not have liked it, I'm not sure if you still hate it... but it has brought exactly what it is to me. there is something special to me about being able to use all 3 of your initials and know what it means. You still never told me ( Read more... )

In exactly 20 minutes it will 24 hours since you told me. I have been through at least 5 drinks so far... some of them straight up. I feel no emotion. It scares me. I am completely numb to it. It scares me a lot. Has a part of me been destroyed by this ( Read more... )

I don't even know where to begin. I've known you for what is almost 15 years now... it will be this fall... Wow... 15 years... I can still picture you sitting there as we'd chat after formal dinners outside of Appleby. To think that that was so long ago now...It's hard to believe it's been that long. It's hard to believe that I've loved you for ( Read more... )

Can't sleep... I keep thinking about what you told me today.

I <3 you. Even though you don't <3 me.

<3 LJK

Everytime I leave, I'm still in love... and still broken hearted.