TheAwesomely improbable SGA PORN Master list!!! UPDATE:02/11/07
Okay so I love porn just as much as the next twenty something gall. But when you read as much fanfic as I do, it does tend to blur together. Every now and then I find myself craving something wilder then the average BSDM doubledicking drabble.
Thankfully this cracktastic little Fandom of ours is happy to . Penquin sex? Tentacles? Dragons and giant wings, oh my! Porn that is just plain physically improbable?!? You bet!
So without further ado I give you the very best of
PORN!
The: 'That must chafe' list
Oh My by chaps1870
What is is? Mckay/Sheppard/Beckett and a big bed, with Idiot!Ford and Voyeur!Weir as added bonus.
Why does it hurt us? ...But, but, but, you made him come like three times in ten minutes! And everyone keeps screaming in BOLD LETTERS and in the end they faint from the hot!
Get your own by mithreon
What is it? Jealous!John (who thinks the hight of pick up lines is: "Bend over Rodney") and bottomless bottom!Rodney get it on
Why does it hurt us? Mithreon has the best combination of penis euphemisms and impossible sex that I've seen for some time and is having such and obvious good time with it too! One shot every time John forgets about the lube.
We'll get to it later by morebliss
What is it? John and Rodney kinking it up before they figure out they luuuve each other.
Why does it hurt us? "John once fucked Rodney as he was leaning over an off-world DHD trying to fix it." ...but... isn't the access panel underneath the dialing pad? Bendy.
Broad cast signal by seperis
What is it? John and Rodney. Ronon and some marines and a biologist and just what the hell has Elizabeth been doing that's she can't even sit properly?!?
Why does it hurt us? It's either the impossible sixty orgasms or the fact that Rodney actually bested Cadman in a fist fight. Awesome!
Feeding Frenzy by astolat
What is it? Everyone/Everyone.
Why does it hurt us? ...Didn't I just mention the everyone/everyone bit? Did I forget to add that they keep doing it continuously? This truly is a GEM amongst orgy fic.
I can have this by telesilla
What is it? John's first gang bang (with bonus OT4)
Why does it hurt us? I honestly don't have a clue if you can do this of without doing yourself injury, but it's awesome, so go read!
What if by shusu(part of the Rent boy AU
What is it? Yet another John gang bang. This time orchestrated by Rodney as a gift for his prostitute boy toy.
Why does it hurt us? Shusu has the whole of high society go down on John! It's kind of awesome. More then the porn though (which goes on and on and on), I was fascinated by her mysteriously wealthy Rodney, whose background is never really explained. I think he might be a mobster... or a pirate (or maybe he just has the patent on post its).
The gang bangs will continue until morale improves by korilian
What is it? John gives Rodney to the marines as a butt-toy.
Why does it hurt us? I figured you couldn't host crack porn, without writing some, so here's my own admission. In what kind of weird ass universe do these guy's live that Sheppard can just round up a platoon to fuck his boyfriend?
The 'Can I have some tentacles with that?' list
The upside of having Wraith DNA by tziand zaganthi
What is it? Let's put it like this: Have you ever seen Overfiend?
Why does it hurt us? Oh hell, who wouldn't have sex with Rodney, even if he did get turned into a blurbing stumpy, tentacled monster.
An aesthetic solitary thing by eliade
What is it? Rodney going into Pon Far and John being okay with that.
Why does it hurt us? Well, I mean, Rodney's recovery time in this is amazing! ...but he's also an alien in Pon Far so, you know, obviously that's perfectly ordinary for an Esnun. It's great though and makes me wish there was lots and lots of fic out there where they find out Rodney been an alien all along... or any other creature for that matter.
A lovers embrace by mckays_girl(prompt six)
What is it? After a miss hap in the lab, Rodney grows tentacle penises. Of course this is a big turn on for John.
Why does it hurt us? Just because they look like penises, doesn't mean they are! What if instead of semen, they'd ended up squirting acid or poison!?!? You really want to just stick that in your orfices? Also, tentacle porn! Duh!
The tale by overchay
What is it? Rodney grows a tail. It has a mind of it's own.
Why does it hurt us? First off... the title... *IZ DED at the lame pun*. The descriptions of Rodney's facial expressions will crack you up! And that's before we even get to the clever use of a tail in porn. I picture Rodney's tail to be all hairy and black, like a cats because that would look adorable. A hairless ratty tail, on the other hand, would look pretty hideous, but there would be far less issues with the clean up. I mean, just think about where that thing has been!
The 'Disturbing social mores' list
Mostly harmless by astolat
What is it? John and Rodney get raped by Tribbles.
Why does it hurt us? They like it.
How Zelenka's crush made for weird events between Rodney and John by wpadmirer
What is it? Rodney likes to jerk off over porn with friends and John is just as a-sexual as he often appears (and kind of gay). Now this is what I call sex ed people!
Why does it hurt us? OMG he just pulls it out in front of company! Do guys do that? Oddly enough, when it comes to characterizing Rodney, it can be really hard to determine whether he'd be total prude, or a liberal sex god! He works either way. He's got LAYERS that man!
You say it's your birthday by Sheppard_girl
What is it? Straight!John rapes Rodney for his birthday (and hacks his computer... Yeah right!)
Why does it hurt us? Oh boy. People don't necessarily want to act out all their fantasies you know. And a rape fantasy, where only one of the participants knows up front it's just play... Is that even still a fantasy? I mean, he has a knife! Also Rodney's password = thirty digits with numbers and letters and wacky symbols. Not the name of his cat!
The 'sexy beast' list
Dragon spin by Night_Spring
What is it? One day Rodney just wakes up as a dragon. He mostly freaks out about never having sex again. Fortunately Sheppard still thinks he's pretty.
Why does it hurt us? Oh those jaded Atlanteans. Sheppard sure as hell doesn't hesitate long about giving a guy (or dragon) a hand. Also; Snake penises! There should be more snake penis fic! lavvyans kink if I remember correctly?
The gift of pebbles by Leah
What is it? John and Rodney turn into penguins and have penguin sex. It's all very romantic.
Why does it hurt us? Just picture for a moment, General O'Neill watching the penguin sex and deciding that yes, OR COURSE Rodney would have the better technique! And then there is the bitterness of the female doctor when it is confirmed once again that every man on Atlantis is gayer then a Christmas tree! Pegasus B.
And then there's... eh...?!?
Echoes by samara_draven
What is it? Angsty hurt/comfort and... talking penises.
Why does it hurt us? TALKING PENISES! For the love of GOD, what is the deal with the talking penises!
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVELY SUGGESTIONS!
This list will be an ongoing work. Suggestions are very welcome, as long as the sex is physically improbable, requires extra limbs or tentacles or if it's just plain hilarious!
If you liked this list, check out the Deranged Mckay master list