It's awesome, how you live in a house... and no one respects anything you say.

"Can you not use that bathroom... I want to take a shower."
"Well, you shouldn't of went to taco bell."
"No actually... I should've went alone, and locked the fucking doors you fucking asshole."

I didn't actually say that last line because for some reason I'm still nice.  I ( Read more... )

"And she still wonders why I'm so insecure she giggles
Because I sleep with the..."

My god... The 4th of July's a dangerous fucking holiday.

Lighting fireworks and "just throwing them..."  Not the best idea.

Stacking "morters" on top of "airplanes..."  Worse idea.

Aiming bottle rockets at each other... not that bad in comparison.

Stopping two minutes before the cops arrive, and watching them bust a group of kids who just started... ( Read more... )

Whoever came up with the word lisp?

I mean, people with a lisp can't say it.

Seriously... Fuck Paris Hilton.

The bitch gets into a drunk driving accident... gets put on probation, and then gets caught driving three more times!  The last time she was caught driving around she decided to take a midnight stroll with no headlights.  Okay, so she gets sent to jail.  Then the warden* of the jail lets her out early because of the " ( Read more... )

I updated my Myspace again... Finally...

New songs, new pic's!  I'm so excited I could poo!

Do you know who Mitt Romney is?  No?  Good.  Okay... actually you kinda need to know who this guy is because if this election turns out anything like the last two elections, he's going to be running our country.  And, not that I'm one to hold someone's religion against them, but if he's our next president.. we might all be fucked... Again ( Read more... )

This turned out kinda long, so I'm gonna try a L.J. cut.

I know all of you know this, but for the last ten years I've worked the same job at a small grocery store... Well, not the same job.  For the first couple years I bagged groceries, and then the next eight years I spent stocking shelves.  And... don't get me wrong, I never considered what I did ( Read more... )

Come you masters of war.  You that build all the guns, You that build the death planes, You that build the big bombs, You that hide behind walls, You that hide behind desks, I just want you to know, I can see through your masks.  You that never done nothin' But build to destroy.  You play with my world, Like it's your little toy.  You put a gun in ( Read more... )

So... Bonnaroo...

Thursday:  Lewis Black and friends were the best of the four comedic acts.  "Best sentence in journalism history: Woman almost bites off husband's dick while he made her pancakes"  David Cross was slightly dissapointing, but he had some middle-eastern guy on before him who was hilarious.  Thursday was pretty much a comedy day, but ( Read more... )