well - - i am 2 days on my new meds and having the worst time focusing at work..... i dont think i have done anything productive at all here.... i still just want to sleep all of the time

i really cant figure out if its side effects of the meds or depression thats causing me to feel this way.

where is the light at the end of the tunnel? and when i ( Read more... )

so much has happened since i last posted..... lets see if i cant catch everything up....

therapy appointment - as i said, it went better than i expected. i realized that a lot of my depression was due to worry over alaina's well being. not her physical well being, i know her dad will take care of that... but her emotional well being. i know she is ( Read more... )

sorry i didnt repost after my first therapy session ( Read more... )

One hour until my therapy appointment. I need to take a xanax before I go - - my chest is so tight and I can hardly breathe - - - this should be interesting: how the session goes, then how my day goes after it.... I will post again later today or tonight

As I walked along the path of my life, days were changing into months and months into years. The goals in my mind kept me distracted from the scenery around me. I did not notice the spring blossoms turning into summer flowers. Worse yet, I did not notice the ground beneath my feet growing soft and unstable. My footing slipped a couple of times and ( Read more... )

Saturday 
 - Alaina came to get the rest of her belongs. It seemed to go pretty well.
 - Got a haircut (big deal - I know, but long over due)
 - went to the Daytona Thunder game with Charlie: had box seats - - and the game kicked ass - - the Thunder won 54 - 51.... we had so much fun!

Sunday
- stood up from wrapping Charlies birthday presents and found ( Read more... )

I finally made it in to see my doctor. She had me take a depression screen. Despite the fact that I am already on anti-depression medication - I scored as having severe major depression. She gave me a months worth of anxiety medication and doubled the dosage of my anti-depressant. In addition, she is giving me a referral to see a therapist.

What ( Read more... )

I received a phone call from the school counselor yesterday. It seems Alaina was in her office upset. She was saying that not only did I throw her out and let Charlie stay, but now I have let Charlies sister and girlfriend move in. The only part of that that is true is that Charlie is staying. As I have said over and over, I did not throw Alaina ( Read more... )

"Kindness in words creates confidence Kindness in thinking creates profoundness Kindness in giving creates love." Lao-Tzu

why cant i shake this feeling of pain - -

i have so many things to be thankful for in my life - - so many positive issues to focus my energy on

and yet, the pain seeps back in and begins to take control