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sometimes life is just really fucked up - - - forget trying to make people happy or do the right thing - - - at times like this, i can certainly understand why there are so many assholes in this world - - they finally learned to say 'fuck off' to the whole damn world and worry only about themselves.

Last night we went to eat at Crabby Joes - - then went to Ponce Inlet ( Read more... )

i ended up going to the urgent care yesterday - - in addition to the lightheadedness and nausea, i started feeling chest pressure. i knew it was only anxiety due to everything that is going on - - but was afraid it might trigger a fainting spell

they did several BP readings and an EKG - which were all normal

so they gave me a weeks worth of xanax to ( Read more... )

weary - physically or mentally exhausted (definition by dictionary.com)

how about both? i feel like it is all i can do to get out of bed each morning.... much less function throughout the day... i want to curl up somewhere out of sight and sleep - - - indefinately - - - forever- - - - - just sleep

i finally did it - - i broke down and had a good hard cry.

i think i have been trying to avoid it since alaina moved it.... partly, because charlie is there - i dont want him to feel any more responsible than he already does. plus - i am the one that is supposed to be taking care of him, not the other way around. i really struggle allowing someone ( Read more... )

emotionally - - i feel better after the healing
physically - - thats another story

i couldnt sleep well last night. i had trouble falling asleep and once i did, it was very fitful and not restful...... needless to say, i woke up with a really bad tension headache. i have taken advil, but it hasnt really helped

sometimes i wonder why doing what we know ( Read more... )

at church today, i went back for a healing....... as gayle laid her hands on my shoulders, the rain began falling harder. it was as if the rain was washing away my pain.... and gayle was filling me with her loving, positive energy

the rest of the day has been very peaceful

Alaina called yesterday to let me know she was coming to get the other two cats. The visit was brief and very formal. I cant even put into words how much this is tearing me apart inside. There is no pain in the world that can compare to the pain caused when your child is involved ( Read more... )

pain - intentionally inflicted upon others - that has got to be the worst thing we can do to one another. to lash out with the goal of causing another grief - how could we be more brutal?

goals such as those can only come from the pits of hell - - the misery that is all consuming....

why? i will never understand