I knew this would happen. I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape. I am now heavier than I have ever been in my entire life... and I cannot believe that I used to be almost 50 pounds lighter... How did I let myself get back to this? Why did I start bingeing when I was so small? I was sooo much smaller than I am now, but I felt bigger... and now I' ( Read more... )

I can't keep binging. I've gained so much weight. I was SO fucking close to my goal.. and now I'm 20 pounds over my lowest weight. I look and feel awful. I've got to get my life back in order.

I'm definitely motivated to start over, and I'm coming back to this community because I have had wonderful support from y'all in the past :)

It's only 10:30am.. and I've consumed 1420 calories. what the fuck is wrong with me?! I kept saying I wouldn't do this anymore. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to go to class. Just thinking about going out in public with my huge stomach makes me want to curl up and die.

I just want today to be over so that I can fix this tomorrow.

 If only no one cared about food. Why does every social event HAVE to revolve around food...and people stuffing their faces?! I hate it. It makes me feel disgusting. I keep saying  "I'm going to fast today!" and then someone is like " lets go eat here!"  I can't have anyone become even a little suspicious about my ed...it would ruin everything. I ( Read more... )

Day one of my fast is coming to a close. I wasn't planning on fasting..I was planning on eating nothing today, and maybe 400 cals tomorrow.. But something...just...triggered me. My best friend's ex-girlfriend is SO thin...she's tall, and 117 pounds..she's trying to get down to 110... I'm short and HUGE...so it just made me feel terrible about ( Read more... )

I've been doing really well.. I'm still on a fine line... where I could easily fuck everything up and binge.. But I'm holding on strong so far ( Read more... )

 Hmmm so here's my horrible week:

Friday: 1100 cals (mini binge, no purge)
Saturday: 360 cals
Sunday: 2300 (BINGE and purge... That was my first purge in over a month! :( )
Today: 990 cals
Tomorrow: LESS THAN 500. I can do this! I can I can I can

 I scared myself a bit ago ( Read more... )

 I was doing really really well the past week.. I got down to 146... But then the past two days have been binge days for me. I think this was partly because I got sick. :( So now I'm back to 150, like always. Starting this all again tomorrow. Hoping to be back down to 146 in a few days...

 Today my stepdad drove up here to bring me my summer job application stuff that I got in the mail... He also brought me 1/2 a dozen chocolate covered sprinkled donuts. (I knew when my mom said he'd be bringing a surprise that it would be food)... I thanked him, shamefully took the huge box of dunkin donuts up to my room, waited till he left, then ( Read more... )