FIC: You Make Me Sick, Part Ten
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my supaaaa beta! herohunter
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Wet, heavy flakes swirled down around the small group moving in uneven strides toward the center of the graveyard. It might have been a picturesque scene, if the Metropolis skyline weren’t being blocked by the swirling winds and snow. For this late in February, it was unseasonably cold. A small group of women huddled together, some crying, some looking rather irritated as the stragglers made their way over. In particular, they looked on the ex-boyfriend, thinking uncharitable thoughts that they would never voice and which would likely haunt their consciences for the rest of their lives. Bundled in a knit cap, scarf, and heavy coat, he looked like a tiny child with his eyes peeking out. Why their sister, daughter, friend? Why not this man instead, who seemed to already have one foot in the grave? Why not him, who didn’t even value his own life, as anyone who read the news in Metropolis well knew?
They knew that it was unfair to be impatient with him. They knew that it was cruel to wish he had died first. After all, the gravesite wasn’t easy to reach by wheelchair. And Helen Bryce had been the one to infect him with the disease that had been killing them both.
Lex hated the cold. For starters, he was bald, and therefore had no natural buffer between his smooth skin and the elements. After that, he was small and prone to chill, and if he had a fever this afternoon, which he felt like he might, then Clark would never stop fretting.
Still, Lex knew that he needed to come. With the passing of this woman who he had loved so fiercely, came the passing of an era, it seemed. The passing of his need to have unworthy people in his life. The passing of the constant mental pain of having lost his legs. It was funny how her mortality reminded him of his own. Though the glaring reality that he always had Death looking over his shoulder was never far from his mind, Lex felt as though he needed to irrevocably cut himself away from those aspects of his former life that were holding him back and causing him to slowly die.
Like his legs when they had been trying to pull him out of the car. He would die if he did not get rid of them, and he came to realize that he didn’t need them to survive, anyway. His father, Martha, Helen… as well as dancing and fucking standing up. He would especially miss Lucas. But he couldn’t keep holding onto them. He had to pull his head up and breathe.
Jonathan took a swig of whiskey and then offered it to Lex. Mercy frowned, but didn’t stop them. For once, she let the drinking pass unmentioned.
As the pastor opened his book and began to read a passage, Lex imagined he was attending his own funeral. He didn’t know how long he had himself. His doctors kept telling him that this disease wasn’t a death sentence and yet…
He couldn’t go to the group support meetings. He knew that he probably should-- mutual support and all that-but the fact remained that the first time one of the members had stopped coming, Lex had to leave. He had to. He couldn’t sit around with a bunch of other victims of this cruel curse that invaded their bodies and just watch each other die. He could barely handle it with himself, and he’d only had so much to give to Clark at the time, who couldn’t even force himself to remember that Lex was sick while he was at Fairview.
Lex remembered, with clear, smug recollection, the first time he’d rolled out of a clinic and seen a picketer holding a sign that read, “God hates fags!” He’d wheeled right up to the group and told them angrily that his girlfriend had given him this, and he hoped that their God gave them all AIDS for being so fucking ignorant.
Clark’s great, firm hands touched the curve of Lex’s shoulders, and Lex looked up at him. Clark was smiling so blissfully that Lex would have thought they were attending a birth instead of a death. Beaming all the while, Clark leaned over and dropped a kiss on Lex’s forehead, and then he lowered himself to hug around Lex’s shoulders, and whispered, “You’re so brave, Lex. And so giving. Seeing her off like this.”
“I needed closure. I wish I could be angry. Believe me, angry isn’t uncomplicated, but it’s easier than this,” Lex replied, receiving a dark look from one of Helen’s sisters. “Something tells me we’re not wanted at the reception, which is fine by me.”
“You’re cute bundled up.”
“I’m fucking freezing,” Lex complained. Clark rubbed his shoulders, and they both turned their heads to listen to the rest. One of Helen’s sisters came up and spoke, and then her father. A few friends shared stories about her, all warm and fond. Overall, Lex was glad not to speak about her. She’d taken advantage of him, given him HIV, and then ultimately left, not even visiting after he’d tried to commit suicide. She had sent him some scented candles, for what it was worth. Which wasn’t much. He could pick some of those up at Q-Mart.
Goddamn, it was cold. The group watched in silence as Helen’s coffin was lowered into the ground.
Suddenly Lex heard a sob behind him and turned to see Clark covering his mouth and trying, unsuccessfully, to not cry. Fat tears began to roll down his cheeks. Lex was startled, not because he’d never seen Clark cry, but because he hadn’t expected him to cry here of all places. They were drawing stares from Helen’s family, but Lex opened his arms up to Clark and let him come into his lap. Together they rocked softly as Lex whispered soothing words into Clark’s ear, and Jonathan rubbed his son’s back.
After a few minutes, Lex looked up to Jonathan. “We should go. Can you push us?”
The older man nodded, and Mercy got out her keys and ran across the graveyard to begin heating the van up.
“Clark, don’t cry. I love you,” Lex whispered, hooking his chin over Clark’s shoulder
“I… I know,” Clark gasped, trying to fight back his tears. “I just… I don’t want to bury you. I got scared. I’m sorry.”
Lex closed his eyes, sighing and pressing their cheeks together. He couldn’t promise Clark that he wouldn’t be burying him first. Chances were, Clark probably would outlive him, suicidal tendencies or no.
“You can be scared, Clark. Death can be scary. What where you smiling about earlier?”
“I told you. You’re wonderful. She gave you this, and you’re still here. More people need to have love like that, even for people who hurt them.“
Lex kissed Clark’s cheek again, and as they approached the van, he pushed Clark back a little so that he could look at him in the eye. They touched their heads together, and Lex gave him a light kiss.
“For as long as I breathe, you’ll have me. And then after that, you’ll just have to hold on to your good memories here.” Lex pressed his hand against Clark’s chest. “And try to find someone to help you to hold it together, so you can be happy. I don’t want you to ever have to live the way you were again, even if I’m no longer there to make sure you’re safe.”
“He won’t,” Jonathan assured them. He caressed his son’s shoulder and opened the door to the van.
Clark pouted at having to get off of Lex, but he did, then lifted Lex up so that they could snuggle in the backseat together. “You still look really cute in your winter clothes.”
“Fine. Cute. Still fucking freezing. Close the door.”
Clark did, and he pulled Lex into his lap and scooted them over to the side closer to the air vent. “Better?”
“Tons.” Lex laid his head on Clark’s shoulder. “Did I tell you how she cut my briefs off in the emergency room?”
“Helen?” Clark frowned stubbornly. He probably didn’t want to hear good stories about Helen. Jonathan got into the car, having put up Lex’s chair and Mercy shifted into drive to get them out of there.
“I’m going to that café by the apartment. The boys could use some cocoa,” she told Jonathan. He nodded in agreement.
“She told me they were cute. Helen did,” Lex continued. “Right before she cut them off. My father saw me once before they started trying to reattach my legs. Couldn’t do it. The stumps were too uneven. Too much nerve damage. I remember the two of them arguing about something while I was under. I think she didn’t want to keep trying to reattach them. I’d lost too much blood already, and there was other damage for the other doctors to worry about, but… he eventually listened to the doctors, not her.” Lex paused, his hand creeping up onto Clark’s shoulder, then rubbing it. “She’d sit by my bed while I was coming in and out. It meant so much to me to have someone by my side. I was so confused about what was happening. It was a while before I’d even realized that I’d lost my legs. My father told me once the first time I woke, but it was all such a blur.”
Clark’s hand rubbed over Lex’s back and rested on his shoulder. He kissed Lex’s temple and sighed. “I wish I could have been there for you then.”
“Ditto,” Lex replied, quietly. “But you’re here for me now. That’s all that’s important.”
They clung together in the warmth of the car, and Lex looked out the window at the cold, white scenery.
***
Lex wheeled into his room and looked around. They’d moved Clark’s things in here, and so the room was a bit of a mishmash of their two personalities. It was kind of sweet in a way.
“How are things going with Dr. Yeh?” Lex asked wheeling over to the dresser. He felt as though he were still thawing out a little as he pulled his sweater over his head.
Clark sat on the edge of the bed, watching him undress. “The same. But between me and her was pretty good. Better than it was between the two of you.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Lex flushed slightly, then turned himself around to begin unbuttoning his shirt in front of Clark, who smiled warmly. “Your aid should come through soon.”
“Yeah. Except…”
“I’m looking for a job. My meds came through yesterday, so don’t worry about that anymore, hm?” Lex pushed his shirt back and looked at Clark seriously. It was still very awkward for him to show Clark his ragdoll body, but he knew that Clark would be kind no matter how sick or poorly sewn together he looked, so he let his boy see.
Clark came over and kissed his lips softly. “You’re still cold.”
“It was a cold day.” Lex’s fingers, almost moving of their own volition smoothed up Clark’s shirt and began unbuttoning it. “I don’t- I… just need to touch you.”
Clark said nothing, but smiled a soft, sad smile and lowered his body so that Lex could have a better reach. Slightly excited. Slightly frantic. Lex’s hands pulled away Clark’s shirt and began rubbing, brushing, touching Clark’s smooth chest. He knew why he didn’t have chest hair, but Clark didn’t either, and that was strange. A thumb made circles over Clark’s pecs. A bubble of laughter came up out of Clark, and Lex looked up, blinking his eyes quickly.
“What’s wrong?” Clark searched his eyes.
Lex shook his head and pulled Clark down onto him. Clark gave another laugh, quiet and nervous. He picked Lex up into his arms and set him on the bed, and then quickly unbuttoned Lex’s pants. They went no further however, and Clark simply slipped his hands up and down Lex’s sides. Lex could feel his heart tight and near bursting from fear and love all at once.
Every kiss, every touch affirmed it.
We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive.
***
“Been a day, hadn’t it?” Jonathan Kent’s voice entered the kitchen before he did. Lex sat at the kitchen table with his laptop and a pile of bills and his checkbook, knowing that he probably looked ghoulish sitting there in the dark with the laptop illuminating part of his face. Jonathan flipped on a light and turned a chair around backwards to sit in it. “Y’look stressed.”
“I’m fine,” Lex reassured him quickly. “Just couldn’t sleep, so I though I’d… get some of this done.”
“It’s three am,” Jonathan said in a stern tone, with a raise of his brow. “Y’look like you’re frettin’.
Lex slipped a hand back and forth over his bare head and looked away.
“Say. What’s on your mind, Lex? You’re all gonna get through this, I promise. You just gotta have some faith.”
Faith. Lex could have laughed at that, but his body didn’t seem able to produce the sound. “I go back and forth all the time. Some days, I feel like I’m going to be fine, and I feel good. Really good, because I know what the difference is to feel horrible. It’s wonderful to get that weight off my shoulders. And other days, I just feel-“ Like reopening my seams. “-like I can’t. That I can’t do this. I can’t make it. I can’t stay here and watch Clark watch me die. And I feel like we’ll end up out on the street, him crazy and me dying, and…”
When Lex did not continue, Jonathan stood and pulled his chair closer to Lex, then began rubbing circles on his back. “You got to let this stuff out. Talk to someone.”
“Talking doesn’t help. It doesn’t make this feeling go away.” Lex sometimes sat in amazement and disgust at himself, that he could still feel the desire to slip away quietly and end himself when there were people now, he knew, who loved him and would be devastated by losing him. “I went to a psychologist. Before. Before all of this. I went to one after the accident. Doesn’t help. I wish… I wish I could make it work. That there was some combination of drugs and talking out there that would make me better, but I don’t think there is.”
“Well, y’know I never believed in shrinks, not until… what happened with Clark. Maybe I should’ve had him seein’ one sooner, but… I don’t mean go see some frigid shrink sitting in a chair thinkin’ about writing a book about you. I mean, just talk an’ let go of your burdens. To someone. To Clark. I remember back when things were good between me and Martha, there wasn’t nothin’ we couldn’t tell each other.”
“I don’t want to worry him. He has a lot on his mind, and stress isn’t good for him.”
Jonathan pinched his mouth and widened his eyes. “You don’t gotta put on a happy face for him. He ain’t stupid. He can tell stuff isn’t all right. And stress ain’t good for you, either.”
Lex smiled softly and ducked his head. Then Jonathan’s work-worn hand cupped the back of Lex’s head gently, and it didn’t feel like it did when his father touched the back of his neck or head, like he was being pushed down, steered, controlled, possessed. It felt like… Jonathan cared. “I know.”
“I know, y’know. But anyways. You ought to get back to bed. Leave the bills for the mornin’… you boys gonna do okay this month?” He lowered his head a little, trying to catch Lex’s eye.
“This month, yeah. I just don’t think we have many more months where we’re going to be able to make the bills, and I know your funds are limited, and we can’t just keep asking you!”
Jonathan’s hand lowered and massaged Lex’s shoulders a bit. Not as good as Clark’s, but Lex could see where his boy had learned the urge to comfort that way. “Look,” Jonathan said. “It’ll be taken care of one way or the other. Try to breathe. Just breathe, and know that somethin’s gonna make it better.”
Lex gave him a dark, dubious look that caused Jonathan to burst out laughing.
“Okay, maybe I don’t got the best thing to say.”
“I appreciate the effort,” Lex said softly.
“You remind me of my Ma.” Jonathan chuckled again at the severe look on Lex’s face. “Nah, listen. She was jus’… all about other people. The worst thing in the world to her was selfishness, and if you was selfish, you might as well not be a person. It sounds harsh to say it, but think for a sec what that means. If everyone wasn’t selfish, we’d all care for each other and look out for each other over ourselves. And everyone you cared for and looked out for at the cost of yourself would be carin’ and lookin’ out for you as well. She taught me that, I guess. More’n my own ideas for what’s right is the happiness and well-bein’ of my family, so I can’t push it on them unless I think they’re life’s in danger. And it ain’t, so… there you go. If I’m ever doubtin’ my actions, its that I wish I’d’ve lived more like my Ma.”
Lex looked up at the man’s creased face, crumpled around the eyes, like paper, from the sun and years of work and stress. “How did that work out for her?”
“Hm. Problem with that is, people ain’t all as unselfish as Ma was. She got sick and by the time someone took her to the doctor, the cancer had ate her up so bad, there was nothin’ they could do.” Jonathan mussed the thinning hair on top of his head. “Guess… it’s just a lesson for us. Keep an eye on the ones you love, and don’t assume it’s gonna be alright. We are each other’s keepers, if we care. C’mon. Let’s get you back to bed.”
Lex shut his laptop and obeyed, mostly to keep the old man from worrying about him more. Every time he laid down his heart started to pound and the tension in his neck and the middle of his back started up so he could barely breath.
Once he’d gotten back into his room, he rolled quietly back over to the bed he and Clark now shared and dismounted his chair. Clark woke briefly to pull Lex closely to him.
“Could you rub my back,” Lex murmured softly as he hooked his chin over Clark’s shoulder.
“Mm.” Clark’s hand went to work immediately, and Lex closed his eyes and focused on Clark’s scent and the simple act of pushing air in and out of his lungs.
***
Kisses peppering all over his face. Lex was cold and hot at the same time. Prickly all over. He groaned and rolled over in the bed.
Clark sat on his heels a moment then leaned over Lex, taking a good look at him. “Oh, God. Oh, God! Mercy!”
The large hand pressed against Lex’s head, and he grumbled. Really, if a man couldn’t sleep in when he was unemployed and had just gone to his ex-girlfriend’s funeral, when could he?
The door shook, and Clark jumped up to let Mercy in. Lex closed his eyes stubbornly, but then Mercy’s hands were on his head, and Clark was pulling him up, and she was returning with a thermometer. Lex just wanted to slip out of his skin and go somewhere else to sleep.
“C’mon, Lex. Open up or-“
“You’ll make me bend over?” Lex asked cheekily.
“I’ll make you go to the hospital,” she threatened. Lex opened his mouth. She’d do it. She’d done it before. Her hands touched his neck and forehead again as they waited on the thermometer. “You are a bit flushed.”
Lex sighed. Clark clung to him desperately. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Maybe.” She patted his chest, then after a moment, removed the thermometer and looked at it critically. “Clark, hang tight. I’m going to go get some juice and tea. It doesn’t look too bad. We’ll keep an eye on him and see what happens.”
“We do nothing?” Clark protested.
“We let him sleep more,” Lex suggested irritably.
Mercy stood and headed out of the room. “Fluids first. Then sleep.”
Clark rubbed Lex’s back, looking terrified. Lex took his hand and kissed the young man’s temple. “Clark, low-grade fevers happen. I’m not going to die from it.”
“Is this because you were out in the cold yesterday?”
“Viruses don’t really work that way. It could be a culmination of things.”
Clark curled his arms around Lex and tucked his chin over Lex’s shoulder. “I wish you didn’t have to deal with this.”
“Me too, Clark.” Lex patted his cheek and laid back. “You gonna hang out with me today? I doubt Mercy will let me out of bed for anything besides a bathroom trip.”
“Yeah, I’ll be right here”
“You’re like my puppy. Curled up by my side when I’m feeling cruddy.” Lex laughed when Clark nuzzled his neck.
Mercy returned with a tray containing orange juice, a cup of tea, and Lex’s pills. “Take.”
Lex saluted her and began to down the pills with the juice.
Mercy sat on the bed and smiled at Clark softly. “He’s our fever virgin. Be sure to catch him up on the protocol.”
“We have protocol? Hm. Thermometer. Juice and meds. Sleep. Bed rest. Boredness. Witty banter. I think that’s about it.”
“You can give him a warm bath later, but make sure he doesn’t get chilled outside of the tub,” Mercy instructed.
Clark nuzzled his neck again. “Sounds like fun.”
“Believe me, I am no fun in Fever Lockdown,” Lex warned Clark, giving him a foreboding look. Clark only smiled and held him as he began to sip the tea, which Mercy had added some honey to. “Thanks, Merc.”
“No problem. Let him sleep when he’s done, okay, Clark?” Mercy stood again. “Tell me when you get hungry. I can make some oatmeal with brown sugar.”
“Whenever you want me to.” Lex warmed his hands on the mug. “I’m not really all that hungry.”
“Shocker,” she replied with a smile.
“I’m tired,” Lex shot back.
The tip of her tongue peeked out of her mouth. “Then don’t stay up all night.”
“Why were you up?” Clark asked.
Lex sighed again and looked up at him. “Couldn’t sleep then. Want to sleep now. Is that okay?”
“Don’t be mad.” Clark’s voice had gone soft.
“He’s not mad, Clark. He’s cranky. Just give him some sugar and put him back to bed.” She leaned on the doorway. “I’ll be back to check his temperature again in an hour or so. Which he’s going to hate, if he’s still trying to sleep, but we’re going to keep on top of it.”
Clark nodded as she left. “She really does take good care of you.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
Clark looked up at the door, smiling. He let Lex go for a moment, then closed the door and fetched a lighter blanket from the closet.
“Are you going to wrap me up like a newborn?” Lex asked, taking a final sip of his tea.
“Yes.” Clark took Lex’s cup and set back on the tray. Then he pulled the thick comforter off of Lex, draped the new blanket over him, and snuggled back under the covers with him, kissing the back of his head. “Sleep. I’ll keep you warm and cozy. How do you feel?”
“Feverish. Head hurts, a little. No throat or chest problems, which would be worrisome, and my stomach feels fine. I think this one will just blow over after a day. It happens.” He pressed his back against Clark’s stomach.
“How do you do this? It’s like… serious business, even when it’s almost nothing. Because it could be something.”
Lex licked his lips and closed his eyes. “You grow used to it. You will too. Kiss me again.”
Clark did so, several times to the back of the head, and then he leaned over to kiss Lex’s cheek. “What if I get you sick?”
“It’s possible. If you get something, we’ll have to be more careful.”
Clark pressed another kiss to the back of Lex’s neck, and he could hear the hitch in the young man’s breathing. He reached back and patted Clark’s cheek.
“No being scared, baby.”
Clark let out a shaky sigh and nodded, his strong arms wrapped around Lex’s waist tightened as much as he dared, and he pressed his cheek to the back of Lex’s neck.
***
Lex’s fever subsided fairly quickly, but life in their apartment refused to be smooth. It had been only a week since Helen’s funeral, and already he’d had more visitations than he normally had to this apartment in a year.
The first was the police.
They knocked at the door in a sharp rap-rap-rap, and one of them boomed: “Mr. Luthor, open up. Metropolis P.D. here; we’d like to have a word with you.”
Lex looked at Mercy and Clark in confusion. Jonathan came out of the bedroom as Lex rolled up to the door to answer it.
When the door opened, there were two police officers standing side by side, legs at shoulder width. One red-haired, fair-skinned woman and her partner, who was darker of hair and complexion. His brows rose up seeing Lex, and he exchanged a glance with the woman before speaking. “Sir, we’re looking for your little brother. He went missing a day ago-“
“Lucas is missing?” Lex interrupted in a panicked voice as he heart jumped into his throat. If anything had happened to him…
The man continued in a more gentle tone, “And Mrs. Luthor intimated that you might have taken him.”
“She said that you already had an inappropriate relationship with your other younger brother,” the woman said bluntly. “We’d like to check the apartment, if you’ll allow us.”
Jonathan made a loud disgruntled noise. “Stepbrother at best! And Clark’s adopted anyway. And he’s twenty-one! Martha’s reachin’ to be callin’ it ‘inappropriate’.”
“And you are?” the woman asked.
Jonathan pointed to Clark. “His father.”
Her eyes scanned Clark up and down. “You’re Clark.” Her lips curved to the side, and she looked up at her partner, whispering. “A real pedo, yeah?”
“Shut it, Zagerelli.” The officer extended a hand to Lex. “I’m officer Gray. The rude one is Zagerelli. If you don’t mind us taking a quick look around, we’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”
“You got a warrant?” Mercy demanded, coming up to them with her arms crossed.
Gray looked at her. “Mercy?”
“Gordon.”
Gray sighed. “We can come back with a warrant, if you prefer.”
“No, just look. We have nothing to hide, no matter what Clark’s mother thinks of me,” Lex insisted, rolling backward to allow the officers to pass.
Clark corrected him petulantly. “She’s not my mother anymore. She’s Lionel’s wife.”
The officers exchanged another look and split up to check the bedrooms. Clark knelt beside Lex and put his arms around him. Lex looked into Clark’s eyes, nervously, “What do you think happened to Luc?”
“Dunno. Maybe someone was trying to get him away from your father. Maybe someone’s gonna ransom him.” Clark gave him another squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “I dunno, Lex.”
Unsurprisingly they returned a moment later, and after a nod, Zagerelli went into the kitchen, looked around briefly and came back with her hands in her pockets. “Nothin’. Sorry to waste your time, Mr. Luthor.”
“Not at all. Wait… Mercy, could you get one of my cards off the desk?”
“Got it.” Mercy moved quickly and handed the card to Gray.
“Use my cell. The office number is no longer mine. If you find out anything about my brother, could you let me know?” Lex asked, trying not to sound as though he were begging. He was in a bit of shock, and he wished that Martha’d had the decency to let him know that Lucas was missing. Then again if she thought so poorly of him, she might genuinely believe that Lex had taken the child for untoward purposes.
“We will, Mr. Luthor. Thank you for your cooperation. In turn-“ Gray reached into his pocket and gave Lex a number. “If you hear anything?”
“I’ll notify you immediately, of course.” Lex let out a shaky breath.
Zagerelli gave them a curt nod and headed out. Gray lingered a moment. “We’re doing everything we can to find him, Mr. Luthor. He hasn’t been missing for very long.”
“But the longer he’s missing, the less likely it is that you’ll find him. Isn’t that true?”
“We’re exploring every lead we have. That’s why we’re here.” Gray licked his lips and appeared unwilling to give the small, sickly looking man bad news. “Do you know of anyone who might want to hurt Mrs. Luthor? Anyone close to them who might have decided to abscond with the boy? After questioning the staff, they seemed to be implying that there would be people who would want to take Lucas away from them.”
“Well, yeah,” Clark replied bluntly. When the officer looked at him, he ducked his head and blushed.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, Lionel Luthor is an abusive jerk.” Clark licked his lips and faced the officer. “I’m schizo. Since I was fifteen. But if I knew how to drive or weren’t afraid to leave the apartment alone, I’d consider taking Lucas away from Lionel before he hurt him.”
“Clark,” Lex said softly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hurt him how?” Gray asked, narrowing his eyes on Lex.
Lex took several moments before answering. “He… has a violent temper.” Lex paused and took a breath. “He can be impatient with children. And… he um…” He could feel all of their eyes on him, and he faltered and could tell no more. “He hasn’t hurt Luc yet.”
“How do you know?” Gray pushed.
“I check him for bruises when I see him. There are none, other than those that I believe were actually caused by a fall, on the knees or elbows. He’s healthy. He doesn’t have any regressive behavior or signs of suddenly acting out. When I was that age, I’d cling to any adult that gave me any sort of positive attention. If I’d seen something in Lucas, I would have reported it immediately.” Lex shrugged. “I thought that with Lucas it would be different. Martha wouldn’t allow it to happen to her kid. She’s a bigot, but she’s a protective mother. With… before it was mostly about control, I think.”
Gray frowned a bit and took out a pad to take down some notes.
“What are you writing?”
“Bits of what you’ve described. Does Mrs. Luthor know how your father treated you?”
Lex licked his lips. “I think so, yes. If she hasn’t guessed, one of the servants would likely have told her by now.”
Gray looked at them seriously. “Alright. This could be helpful. We’ll see. Call me if you think of anything else, Mr. Luthor.”
Lex nodded. He felt Clark taking his hand and squeezing tightly as the walls seemed to draw in just a bit closer.
Gray smiled slightly at the two of them before he left. “Have a good day, or as good as can be expected.”
Lex let out a bitter laugh as he closed the door and looked to Clark again, who cupped his face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“They’ll find him,” Clark said firmly.
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
Lex laughed again humourlessly and leaned over to hug Clark. From behind him, he felt Jonathan’s arms coming around them as well.
“You know that cop, Mercy?” Clark asked.
She had been standing quietly behind the sofa and came around to the front to sit on one of the arms. “I went on a date with his sister recently.”
“Oh!” Clark’s eyes went round.
“What, you guys think you have the monopoly? I can date in my own gender.” Mercy smirked mischievously and shook her head. Then she put a light hand on Lex’s shoulder. “Hanging in there, boss?”
“It’s always something. Something is always happening. I just… hard to keep up. God, I hope he’s okay.” Lex licked his lips again and pressed his forehead into Clark’s chest.
“I’m gonna call Martha. See if I can’t get some information, yeah?” Jonathan patted both of their backs and headed to his bedroom.
“Love you,” Clark said. He kissed the top of Lex’s head softly and slowly, over and over, for quite awhile, then pressed his cheek to Lex’s head.
Mercy blinked and stopped watching them. She got up and headed to the kitchen. “It’s peppermint hot chocolate time.”
The second visitor was from the office.
Later that evening after Jonathan had gone to bed, there was another knock on the door, more tentative, as was the voice. “Um, Mr. Luthor?”
“Michelle?” Lex was curled up on the sofa with Clark’s arms around him.
Mercy jumped up immediately and opened the door. “What is it?” she asked.
Michelle looked like she was sucking on her teeth for a moment, then turned her head toward the sofa. “Lex, sorry to barge in, but I had some good news, if you’re interested. I hope it’s not too late?”
“I could use some good news,” Lex said, managing to keep his voice from wobbling.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, breezing past Mercy and coming over to the sofa.
“I’m not sick, if that’s what you mean.”
She frowned and sat beside the two men. “Well, it was. You look very pale.”
“I always do. What did you want?”
Michelle gave him a gentle, compassionate smile, the kind that Lex hated, then opened up her purse to pull out a rather thick file. “I hope you don’t mind, but when your father called me into your office, you know, the day he fired you, I had my tape recorder on me, and I got part of the conversation before he threw us out.”
Lex sat up a bit, frowning. “What do you mean? What did you get? Why did you do that?”
Michelle watched Lex’s face as she took out the tape recorder and hit the play button:
“You can’t fire me for having a relationship with Clark. I’ve done good work for this company! I’ve smoothed feathers that you ruffled, I’ve dodged legal issues for this company’s negligence, and I’ve single-handedly prevented twobelieve this.”
“Believe it, Lex. I hope you’ve gotten what you wanted with Clark because you can consider yourself repudiated from both this family and my company.”
She stopped the recorder and raised her brows. When Lex said nothing, simply looked to her in askance, she continued. “I’ve spoken with our lawyer at the ACLU. While what your father has done to you isn’t specifically illegal in Kansas, it does break the contractual nondiscriminatory practices of LuthorCorp, and it does fit a pattern with the case we’ve been building against him over the past couple of years.” Her deep hazel eyes darted between Clark and Lex. “Your father has a habit of going quid pro quo on his female employees and letting the suits do it as well. So we’ve gotten in the habit of carrying around these.” She wiggled the recorder around before setting her hand in her lap.
“You’re suing him?” Lex asked incredulously. Not that he was feeling particularly loyal to the man, having recently been fired and then reminded of his own fate at the man’s hands when he’d been young and defenseless, but it just seemed impossible that anyone would try to make a legal move against him. Lionel had always seemed to be so untouchable.
“He can’t get away with what he’s done, Lex. He just can’t. He reached up Allyson’s skirt and told her if she breathed a word, she’d be out on the street and they’d take her kids away. He fired you for being gay. You don’t get to do that these days,” she replied adamantly. “I’d like you to be in on this. Not just because the press will turn on him for firing his son-“
“His gay, sick, crippled son,” Lex corrected her. Her mouth dropped open, and her brows tented with that look of concern she always gave him when he asked her for help. He sighed. “If we’re going to get him by an evocation of pathos, we might as well be clear about the stakes. A gay son might not get much sympathy smack in the middle of Kansas.”
“A son with no legs and a terminal illness, well…” Clark continued. Lex met his eye and, once he saw the fierce expression on Clark’s face, began to smile himself. He took Clark’s hand in his own and threaded their fingers together.
“Would you be willing to help us? Like I was going to say, I want you to be in on it, but not just for publicity. On your own, you might not win, but with the rest of us, the lawyer is paid for, and you might be able to get part of the settlement. I know meds cost.” She put her recorder back into the bag. “My husband came back to me from the Middle East in a chair, and I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to get LuthorCorp to extend my medical insurance to him.”
Lex tilted his head, understanding her for the first time. “Are you one of the women testifying against my father?”
“No, I’m testifying against Jameson for harassing me and making racist remarks. And against Human Resources for brushing it off and asking me if I didn’t just imagine it all,” Michelle replied with pursed lips.
Lex blinked, then nodded. He’d noticed that Jameson was always dropping gruntwork on Michelle’s desk, but he’d had no idea that it was that bad. “I didn’t realize he was doing that to you. I’m sorry.”
“Lex, hon, you had your own BS to deal with when you were in the office. It’s not like he was ever overt about it when someone could hear him.” Michelle waved her hand and pulled out the file. “Besides, you told him off for me a couple of times. That was just brilliant. He couldn’t lash back at you. Take a look at this. I can set up another meeting with our lawyer, if you want to sit in with me and the girls. Honestly, you’re not the first man to be fired from LuthorCorp for having a boyfriend, but you are the first to be directly fired by Lionel Luthor himself.”
“And you have it on tape. Is that even admissible?”
“That’s up to our lawyer to convince the judge. If it’s doable, it’ll be admitted. I trust her,” Michelle told him honestly. Then she touched his shoulder. “I understand if you don’t want your relationship plastered all over the newspapers. Because I think that’s what’s gonna happen, and that could be rough.”
“I can take it, Lex,” Clark promised quietly.
Lex looked to Clark again, briefly. “Then I guess I can as well. Thank you for doing this, Michelle.”
“It’s not a problem. We’re helping each other.”
Mercy leaned over the back of the sofa. “I don’t suppose you have anything in that bag for me, do you, Wizard?”
“Oh?” Michelle looked up at Mercy in surprise.
“He fired me too. Though I don’t think it’s in any way related to the ACLU, just a part of Lionel’s sick desire to control every aspect of his son’s life.” Mercy sighed. “He’s pretty much blacklisted me in the area, so I can’t get another job working like I was before. I’m nursing now. Fun fun.”
“Oh,” Michelle said again, creasing her brow pensively. “I don’t know, actually. I’ll ask Syliva, our lawyer, what she thinks.”
Mercy scratched the back of her head. “That’s good enough for me.” Then she put her hands on Lex’s shoulders and began to massage them. “Things lookin’ up for us, huh, Boss?”
“If this works. Even if it doesn’t, it feels good to do something about all of this,” Lex admitted. “Entropy is death, really.”
“We’re going to nail him to the wall,” Michelle stated firmly, her motherly tone dropping away. She lifted one hand and pointed. “Justice demands nothing less.”
“God, you sound like Black Diamond,” Mercy laughed.
”I’m black something… oh, isn’t that the comic guy?” Michelle shook her head. “The hubs used to have a bunch of those old books before we sold them off for bills.”
“Lex still does,” Clark told her with a grin. “Though mostly Warrior Angel.”
Lex shrugged. “Actually, they’re now available at the comics and collectables shop on 5th and Main.”
“You didn’t sell them!” Clark protested in a wounded voice.
“Food is more important than comics,” Lex argued. Clark pouted and hugged him tightly.
Michelle chuckled and rose from the sofa. “Let me know if you boys need anything, okay? But think of it this way, no matter what happens, whether we go to court or LuthorCorp settles, something is going to happen. I promise you that much.”
Lex nodded and watched the woman leave with a sense of utter astonishment.
“You shouldn’t have sold them, Lex. You love them,” Clark grumbled.
Lex focused on Clark’s hair and stroked it slowly. “I love you. It isn’t a big deal.”
The third visitor came a day and a half later, although this one called first.
Lex had been alone when he answered the door. Mercy was at her job at the hospital, and Clark and his father were out making sure that he finished up the last of his GED. Lex didn’t know what to expect, although it was likely to be another afternoon as the sieve for academic drama.
“Simon,” Lex said with a smile.
Simon always looked the same, and he almost tripped over his feet as he entered the apartment. “Nice place.”
Lex smiled, but only because Simon had told him what a horrible little hovel his ‘bachelor’s’ pad was, and he knew that the man sincerely meant it. He shut the door and gestured to the kitchen, where he’d set out some drinks and snacks for them both.
“I ah… appreciate that, Lex, but I don’t want to ahh… a-abuse your hospitability. Not today anyway.” Simon walked over to the counter and leaned against it, setting down his briefcase. “My, you’re pale.”
“Everyone keeps telling me that lately. I don’t feel any worse than I have in the past few days.”
“Maybe you need ah… a little fresh air.” Simon adjusted his glasses.
“It’s cold. I’m tiny and bald,” Lex said shortly. “I’m not going out unless I have to. Have some crackers.”
Simon laughed. “Yes, yes. I see.” He reached over to take a bottle of ginger ale and opened it slowly.
“Simon, why are you here?” Lex asked finally, when it didn’t appear that the man was going to come forward.
“Actually, I don’t know if you’d picked it up from our conversations, but I’m second in command at our department at Metropolis University currently. Margarita stepped down… ah… went on to er… greener pastures at… Brown, so I have Tim’s ear, as it were.”
“I so gathered. Congratulations,” Lex took his own bottle and drew in a long sip, waiting for more to come.
“Oh. Hm. Well, I’d heard you were finally on the market again. I thought I’d make an ah… offer before any other institutions came knocking at your door.”
Lex simply stared at Simon. “Offer. As in a job?”
“Ah ha! Yes, a job.” Simon mussed his hair, grinning toothily. “Tim looked at your work, and he and I agree that will a little encouragement, and lab space, you’d be quite the asset. We’d have to add you as an adjunct next semester for one of the lower level science classes, but after that we could talk a more permanent position, or add you as a graduate assistant, if you want to ah… continue your studies. I think you have enough to merit consideration, though. I could hire you as my assistant now, to get you on payroll. I know your situation is tight and, ah… in great exigency, currently.”
“I… Simon, I couldn’t tell you how much that would mean to us. Doesn’t…” Lex thinned his lips. “I don’t have a great history….”
”Well, once you were on payroll, you could talk to someone at the health center on a sliding scale-“
“No, I don’t mean I want a therapist. It’s… doesn’t it bother Tim that the public pretty much knows that I have a record of…” Lex paused, then spit it out. “Of trying to kill myself?”
Simon’s tongue flickered out over his lips, and he appeared momentarily unsettled. “I… er… he well…”
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but when I applied about four years ago, before that even happened, mind, I was told that my mental state was very much an issue,” Lex insisted. “Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate any job, right now. I’ll be your assistant if you’d like. But I don’t really have a chance to get any kind of job stability, do I?”
“Well… Tim doesn’t know,” Simon said, rolling his tongue around the side of his mouth.
Lex licked his lips, then replied more softly, “And you don’t think he’ll find out?”
“I do. However, well ah… I don’t think it’s going to matter. I’ll go to bat for you on that one, Lex,” Simon insisted. “It won’t be easy. It never is with tenure, but I’d like to at least make sure that we ah… have you for a few years. Honestly, I don’t think you need to be thinking what our university thinks of your mental state. I think you’ll be leaving us once you’re back in the game for a better paying position elsewhere. Don’t tell Tim I said that.”
Lex smiled softly. Simon was offering him a stepping-stone. That was quite generous, and certainly not how the university normally went about hiring. “I’m glad you have faith in me.”
“Well, ah… someone has to. That boy of yours does, otherwise I’d never have known you were still writing.” Simon looked down at him and rolled his shoulders with an anxious frown. “Say yes. Come up for an interview, at least. Oh! As an added bonus, if you do get a position teaching, then classes for that young thing of yours would be free.”
Lex’s smile broadened. The thought of Clark getting to start college was just… too good. He felt his face flushing. “You know how to court them, don’t you?”
“I know how to ah… court potential professors.” Simon raised a finger to the sky. “Not so much women.”
“You and me both, Simon.”
“You don’t have to court women!” Simon protested. “Maybe ah… you can give me a tip or two in getting a twenty-something.”
“Start hanging out in mental institutions,” Lex suggested flatly.
Simon cackled and pulled up a chair by the table.
Jonathan called late to let Lex know that he and Clark would be going out for dinner to celebrate, and Lex told them to go on ahead. He’d spend time with Clark later, and he wanted to break the news in person. So after Simon had left, Lex pulled out a bottle of scotch that he’d hidden from Mercy behind the bookshelf and went to pour himself a nice two fingers.
He raised the glass to his lips, then hesitated. For some reason, he saw Clark’s dopey grin. His eyes shining bright with faith. He could see Lucas’s boundless energy, which he missed so much, and feel Jonathan Kent’s firm, fatherly hands on him. Hear Mercy’s scolding voice. Michelle’s motherly tone. Daize’s endless pop culture prattle. Simon’s nasal, irritatingly positive comments.
He wheeled over to the sink and poured the scotch out, then after a moment of contemplation did the same with rest of the bottle. He tossed it in the recycling bin and sat alone in the dark kitchen for about half an hour, reflecting on how much Clark had impacted his meager existence and not just on the bridge and not just emotionally. They had collided into one another’s lives, even if Lex had swerved, and irrevocably changed one another, just by existing. The profoundness of it made Lex shake.
He wasn’t the same man that had walked into that coffee shop with a swish in his hips and a chip on his shoulder. Maybe he had a different chip on his shoulder these days, Lex admitted, but back then, he’d had no friends but his colleagues, who had been of little to no support once he’d lost his legs. He’d had a father who had nearly killed him trying to get he doctors to reattach his legs. He had been intense, and yes, brilliant, but he had also been painfully lonesome, with no idea how to connect with anyone else in this plastic little world.
A hand went over his mouth. Clark. He and Clark had a connection. He didn’t know if was destiny, as Clark had always claimed, or if it was simply the connection created by their encounter on the Loeb Bridge. However, from that point on, everything they had done together had been theirs. If not destiny’s, theirs.
Luck. Fate. Magic. Who the hell knew? Lex had a boyfriend, whom he loved, because they were making it and they were fighting for it. Lex had a job, which he would most definitely enjoy, because he had continued to write and exercise his mind, all the while his father was trying to kill his spirit.
Wheeling out of the kitchen, Lex picked up the phone. Clark would be in later. Mercy had a late shift. He still wanted to tell someone.
“Daize? Hey. Do you want to go out for dinner?”
***
Hours later, Lex returned to his apartment to see Jonathan, Mercy, and Clark turn towards him, worry written all over their faces. Clark was clearly panicked.
“What did I do?” Lex asked, his eyes going from one of them to the other.
Clark rushed over and flung his arms around Lex, then looked up at Daize darkly when she walked in behind him. She raised her hands in surrender. “I promise I didn’t let him drink. We just went to Misal’s and pounded the table over how damn spicy the food was!”
“I left a note,” Lex told Clark brushing his fingers through Clark’s thick dark hair. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I just… I thought…”
Lex swallowed. He knew what Clark had thought when he saw a note, before even reading it. He knew, and the thought made him want to cry for his sweet boy who had to be in love with such a broken man. He didn’t want Clark to have those thoughts every time Lex was left alone, or when he had the slightest fever. He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he had texted them, or something to spare Clark those kinds of worries. “I have good news,” he said, cupping Clark’s chin and making him look into his eyes.
“Oh! Did they find Lucas?” Clark’s expression brightened.
Lex’s face fell. “Um. No, not that I know of.”
“Then what is it, Lex?” Jonathan asked, walking over and putting a hand on Clark’s back.
“I got a job. My friend at Met U hired me as his personal assistant, and next semester they’ll be giving me classes to teach.” Lex looked into Clark’s eyes and kissed his nose.
“Eee! You got a job! I knew it would all be okay! Didn’t I tell you?” Clark reached up and pulled the knit hat off of Lex’s head, then caressed his soft skin. He hugged Lex again tightly and kissed under his chin.
Lex sighed and rocked Clark from side to side. “So you finished the GED today, huh? Think you passed?”
“I kicked its ass!” Clark crowed. He pulled back and put his hands on Lex’s thighs.
Lex touched Clark’s hair again. “I’m sorry we worried you.”
“I brought you guys a movie,” Daize offered, handing it to Clark nervously, as though she were making an offering to get in good with the family. Her last appearance hadn’t gone well either.
Clark took the movie and looked over it, then tilted his head up to Daize with a distressed expression. “Oh, is this the one where Warrior Angel dies?”
“The hero never really dies, Clark. He always comes back. Devilicus too,” Daize corrected him. “It’s hilariously homoerotic. I’m not even kidding. Devilicus just cannot handle a world where he can’t obsess over his Warrior Angel.”
Clark grinned. “You want to stay over and watch? Oh, is it too late?”
“I don’t work tomorrow, so I doesn’t matter for me. When do you start, Lex?” Mercy asked, taking the DVD from him and leaning over the entertainment center to switch back from the video games, which Lex was glad now that they hadn’t sold, because Clark liked them so much. Very slowly, Daize’s eyes moved over to watch Mercy bend over… a bit too closely.
“Next Monday,” Lex confirmed. He wheeled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “Drinks?”
“Tequila!” Daize laughed walking over to lean on the doorframe.
Lex narrowed his eyes at her. “Now… I thought that you and tequila were no longer friends.”
“Oh, right. I forgot. That bitch and her trampy worm.”
Lex chuckled, and Daize bounced back into the other room to go chat with Clark and Mercy. Lex poured some milk and stirred chocolate milk in it for Clark, then prepared some soda for Jonathan and Daize and water for Mercy and himself. Lex set the tray of drinks in his lap and wheeled back into the den.
“You’re awesome.” Clark came up to him to take the tray and set it on the table. Lex followed him to the sofa and then allowed Clark to pick him up and take him to the sofa. He set Lex in his lap as the others piled on either side of them.
Lex rested his head on Clark’s shoulder and watched as the movie started. He missed Lucas keenly, particularly when they were doing things such as this. His little brother would have loved to curl up on the couch with them to see a Warrior Angel movie; he had been looking forward to watching it, when it came out.
Now that Lucas was genuinely missing, Lex felt a stab whenever he thought of his little brother. There was nothing he could do, save for comply with the police when they asked questions. Jonathan hadn’t gotten much response from Martha, other than excuses and a self-righteous defense for sending the police to Lex’s doorstep.
Lex could only hope that they found him. He was on a roll, it seemed, and he closed his eyes wishing as hard as he could that his luck be given to his baby brother, wherever the little guy was. His fingers curled around Clark’s shirt, and Clark’s hand rested on the curve of his neck.
“He’s gonna be okay,” Clark whispered in Lex’s ear. “I’ll be right about that too. No being scared.”
Lex looked up at Clark with a faltering smile and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Of course Clark knew what was going through his mind. He would always believe, and Lex would always doubt. He laid his head back down to watch the movie with his family and friends.
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my supaaaa beta! herohunter
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Wet, heavy flakes swirled down around the small group moving in uneven strides toward the center of the graveyard. It might have been a picturesque scene, if the Metropolis skyline weren’t being blocked by the swirling winds and snow. For this late in February, it was unseasonably cold. A small group of women huddled together, some crying, some looking rather irritated as the stragglers made their way over. In particular, they looked on the ex-boyfriend, thinking uncharitable thoughts that they would never voice and which would likely haunt their consciences for the rest of their lives. Bundled in a knit cap, scarf, and heavy coat, he looked like a tiny child with his eyes peeking out. Why their sister, daughter, friend? Why not this man instead, who seemed to already have one foot in the grave? Why not him, who didn’t even value his own life, as anyone who read the news in Metropolis well knew?
They knew that it was unfair to be impatient with him. They knew that it was cruel to wish he had died first. After all, the gravesite wasn’t easy to reach by wheelchair. And Helen Bryce had been the one to infect him with the disease that had been killing them both.
Lex hated the cold. For starters, he was bald, and therefore had no natural buffer between his smooth skin and the elements. After that, he was small and prone to chill, and if he had a fever this afternoon, which he felt like he might, then Clark would never stop fretting.
Still, Lex knew that he needed to come. With the passing of this woman who he had loved so fiercely, came the passing of an era, it seemed. The passing of his need to have unworthy people in his life. The passing of the constant mental pain of having lost his legs. It was funny how her mortality reminded him of his own. Though the glaring reality that he always had Death looking over his shoulder was never far from his mind, Lex felt as though he needed to irrevocably cut himself away from those aspects of his former life that were holding him back and causing him to slowly die.
Like his legs when they had been trying to pull him out of the car. He would die if he did not get rid of them, and he came to realize that he didn’t need them to survive, anyway. His father, Martha, Helen… as well as dancing and fucking standing up. He would especially miss Lucas. But he couldn’t keep holding onto them. He had to pull his head up and breathe.
Jonathan took a swig of whiskey and then offered it to Lex. Mercy frowned, but didn’t stop them. For once, she let the drinking pass unmentioned.
As the pastor opened his book and began to read a passage, Lex imagined he was attending his own funeral. He didn’t know how long he had himself. His doctors kept telling him that this disease wasn’t a death sentence and yet…
He couldn’t go to the group support meetings. He knew that he probably should-- mutual support and all that-but the fact remained that the first time one of the members had stopped coming, Lex had to leave. He had to. He couldn’t sit around with a bunch of other victims of this cruel curse that invaded their bodies and just watch each other die. He could barely handle it with himself, and he’d only had so much to give to Clark at the time, who couldn’t even force himself to remember that Lex was sick while he was at Fairview.
Lex remembered, with clear, smug recollection, the first time he’d rolled out of a clinic and seen a picketer holding a sign that read, “God hates fags!” He’d wheeled right up to the group and told them angrily that his girlfriend had given him this, and he hoped that their God gave them all AIDS for being so fucking ignorant.
Clark’s great, firm hands touched the curve of Lex’s shoulders, and Lex looked up at him. Clark was smiling so blissfully that Lex would have thought they were attending a birth instead of a death. Beaming all the while, Clark leaned over and dropped a kiss on Lex’s forehead, and then he lowered himself to hug around Lex’s shoulders, and whispered, “You’re so brave, Lex. And so giving. Seeing her off like this.”
“I needed closure. I wish I could be angry. Believe me, angry isn’t uncomplicated, but it’s easier than this,” Lex replied, receiving a dark look from one of Helen’s sisters. “Something tells me we’re not wanted at the reception, which is fine by me.”
“You’re cute bundled up.”
“I’m fucking freezing,” Lex complained. Clark rubbed his shoulders, and they both turned their heads to listen to the rest. One of Helen’s sisters came up and spoke, and then her father. A few friends shared stories about her, all warm and fond. Overall, Lex was glad not to speak about her. She’d taken advantage of him, given him HIV, and then ultimately left, not even visiting after he’d tried to commit suicide. She had sent him some scented candles, for what it was worth. Which wasn’t much. He could pick some of those up at Q-Mart.
Goddamn, it was cold. The group watched in silence as Helen’s coffin was lowered into the ground.
Suddenly Lex heard a sob behind him and turned to see Clark covering his mouth and trying, unsuccessfully, to not cry. Fat tears began to roll down his cheeks. Lex was startled, not because he’d never seen Clark cry, but because he hadn’t expected him to cry here of all places. They were drawing stares from Helen’s family, but Lex opened his arms up to Clark and let him come into his lap. Together they rocked softly as Lex whispered soothing words into Clark’s ear, and Jonathan rubbed his son’s back.
After a few minutes, Lex looked up to Jonathan. “We should go. Can you push us?”
The older man nodded, and Mercy got out her keys and ran across the graveyard to begin heating the van up.
“Clark, don’t cry. I love you,” Lex whispered, hooking his chin over Clark’s shoulder
“I… I know,” Clark gasped, trying to fight back his tears. “I just… I don’t want to bury you. I got scared. I’m sorry.”
Lex closed his eyes, sighing and pressing their cheeks together. He couldn’t promise Clark that he wouldn’t be burying him first. Chances were, Clark probably would outlive him, suicidal tendencies or no.
“You can be scared, Clark. Death can be scary. What where you smiling about earlier?”
“I told you. You’re wonderful. She gave you this, and you’re still here. More people need to have love like that, even for people who hurt them.“
Lex kissed Clark’s cheek again, and as they approached the van, he pushed Clark back a little so that he could look at him in the eye. They touched their heads together, and Lex gave him a light kiss.
“For as long as I breathe, you’ll have me. And then after that, you’ll just have to hold on to your good memories here.” Lex pressed his hand against Clark’s chest. “And try to find someone to help you to hold it together, so you can be happy. I don’t want you to ever have to live the way you were again, even if I’m no longer there to make sure you’re safe.”
“He won’t,” Jonathan assured them. He caressed his son’s shoulder and opened the door to the van.
Clark pouted at having to get off of Lex, but he did, then lifted Lex up so that they could snuggle in the backseat together. “You still look really cute in your winter clothes.”
“Fine. Cute. Still fucking freezing. Close the door.”
Clark did, and he pulled Lex into his lap and scooted them over to the side closer to the air vent. “Better?”
“Tons.” Lex laid his head on Clark’s shoulder. “Did I tell you how she cut my briefs off in the emergency room?”
“Helen?” Clark frowned stubbornly. He probably didn’t want to hear good stories about Helen. Jonathan got into the car, having put up Lex’s chair and Mercy shifted into drive to get them out of there.
“I’m going to that café by the apartment. The boys could use some cocoa,” she told Jonathan. He nodded in agreement.
“She told me they were cute. Helen did,” Lex continued. “Right before she cut them off. My father saw me once before they started trying to reattach my legs. Couldn’t do it. The stumps were too uneven. Too much nerve damage. I remember the two of them arguing about something while I was under. I think she didn’t want to keep trying to reattach them. I’d lost too much blood already, and there was other damage for the other doctors to worry about, but… he eventually listened to the doctors, not her.” Lex paused, his hand creeping up onto Clark’s shoulder, then rubbing it. “She’d sit by my bed while I was coming in and out. It meant so much to me to have someone by my side. I was so confused about what was happening. It was a while before I’d even realized that I’d lost my legs. My father told me once the first time I woke, but it was all such a blur.”
Clark’s hand rubbed over Lex’s back and rested on his shoulder. He kissed Lex’s temple and sighed. “I wish I could have been there for you then.”
“Ditto,” Lex replied, quietly. “But you’re here for me now. That’s all that’s important.”
They clung together in the warmth of the car, and Lex looked out the window at the cold, white scenery.
***
Lex wheeled into his room and looked around. They’d moved Clark’s things in here, and so the room was a bit of a mishmash of their two personalities. It was kind of sweet in a way.
“How are things going with Dr. Yeh?” Lex asked wheeling over to the dresser. He felt as though he were still thawing out a little as he pulled his sweater over his head.
Clark sat on the edge of the bed, watching him undress. “The same. But between me and her was pretty good. Better than it was between the two of you.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Lex flushed slightly, then turned himself around to begin unbuttoning his shirt in front of Clark, who smiled warmly. “Your aid should come through soon.”
“Yeah. Except…”
“I’m looking for a job. My meds came through yesterday, so don’t worry about that anymore, hm?” Lex pushed his shirt back and looked at Clark seriously. It was still very awkward for him to show Clark his ragdoll body, but he knew that Clark would be kind no matter how sick or poorly sewn together he looked, so he let his boy see.
Clark came over and kissed his lips softly. “You’re still cold.”
“It was a cold day.” Lex’s fingers, almost moving of their own volition smoothed up Clark’s shirt and began unbuttoning it. “I don’t- I… just need to touch you.”
Clark said nothing, but smiled a soft, sad smile and lowered his body so that Lex could have a better reach. Slightly excited. Slightly frantic. Lex’s hands pulled away Clark’s shirt and began rubbing, brushing, touching Clark’s smooth chest. He knew why he didn’t have chest hair, but Clark didn’t either, and that was strange. A thumb made circles over Clark’s pecs. A bubble of laughter came up out of Clark, and Lex looked up, blinking his eyes quickly.
“What’s wrong?” Clark searched his eyes.
Lex shook his head and pulled Clark down onto him. Clark gave another laugh, quiet and nervous. He picked Lex up into his arms and set him on the bed, and then quickly unbuttoned Lex’s pants. They went no further however, and Clark simply slipped his hands up and down Lex’s sides. Lex could feel his heart tight and near bursting from fear and love all at once.
Every kiss, every touch affirmed it.
We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive.
***
“Been a day, hadn’t it?” Jonathan Kent’s voice entered the kitchen before he did. Lex sat at the kitchen table with his laptop and a pile of bills and his checkbook, knowing that he probably looked ghoulish sitting there in the dark with the laptop illuminating part of his face. Jonathan flipped on a light and turned a chair around backwards to sit in it. “Y’look stressed.”
“I’m fine,” Lex reassured him quickly. “Just couldn’t sleep, so I though I’d… get some of this done.”
“It’s three am,” Jonathan said in a stern tone, with a raise of his brow. “Y’look like you’re frettin’.
Lex slipped a hand back and forth over his bare head and looked away.
“Say. What’s on your mind, Lex? You’re all gonna get through this, I promise. You just gotta have some faith.”
Faith. Lex could have laughed at that, but his body didn’t seem able to produce the sound. “I go back and forth all the time. Some days, I feel like I’m going to be fine, and I feel good. Really good, because I know what the difference is to feel horrible. It’s wonderful to get that weight off my shoulders. And other days, I just feel-“ Like reopening my seams. “-like I can’t. That I can’t do this. I can’t make it. I can’t stay here and watch Clark watch me die. And I feel like we’ll end up out on the street, him crazy and me dying, and…”
When Lex did not continue, Jonathan stood and pulled his chair closer to Lex, then began rubbing circles on his back. “You got to let this stuff out. Talk to someone.”
“Talking doesn’t help. It doesn’t make this feeling go away.” Lex sometimes sat in amazement and disgust at himself, that he could still feel the desire to slip away quietly and end himself when there were people now, he knew, who loved him and would be devastated by losing him. “I went to a psychologist. Before. Before all of this. I went to one after the accident. Doesn’t help. I wish… I wish I could make it work. That there was some combination of drugs and talking out there that would make me better, but I don’t think there is.”
“Well, y’know I never believed in shrinks, not until… what happened with Clark. Maybe I should’ve had him seein’ one sooner, but… I don’t mean go see some frigid shrink sitting in a chair thinkin’ about writing a book about you. I mean, just talk an’ let go of your burdens. To someone. To Clark. I remember back when things were good between me and Martha, there wasn’t nothin’ we couldn’t tell each other.”
“I don’t want to worry him. He has a lot on his mind, and stress isn’t good for him.”
Jonathan pinched his mouth and widened his eyes. “You don’t gotta put on a happy face for him. He ain’t stupid. He can tell stuff isn’t all right. And stress ain’t good for you, either.”
Lex smiled softly and ducked his head. Then Jonathan’s work-worn hand cupped the back of Lex’s head gently, and it didn’t feel like it did when his father touched the back of his neck or head, like he was being pushed down, steered, controlled, possessed. It felt like… Jonathan cared. “I know.”
“I know, y’know. But anyways. You ought to get back to bed. Leave the bills for the mornin’… you boys gonna do okay this month?” He lowered his head a little, trying to catch Lex’s eye.
“This month, yeah. I just don’t think we have many more months where we’re going to be able to make the bills, and I know your funds are limited, and we can’t just keep asking you!”
Jonathan’s hand lowered and massaged Lex’s shoulders a bit. Not as good as Clark’s, but Lex could see where his boy had learned the urge to comfort that way. “Look,” Jonathan said. “It’ll be taken care of one way or the other. Try to breathe. Just breathe, and know that somethin’s gonna make it better.”
Lex gave him a dark, dubious look that caused Jonathan to burst out laughing.
“Okay, maybe I don’t got the best thing to say.”
“I appreciate the effort,” Lex said softly.
“You remind me of my Ma.” Jonathan chuckled again at the severe look on Lex’s face. “Nah, listen. She was jus’… all about other people. The worst thing in the world to her was selfishness, and if you was selfish, you might as well not be a person. It sounds harsh to say it, but think for a sec what that means. If everyone wasn’t selfish, we’d all care for each other and look out for each other over ourselves. And everyone you cared for and looked out for at the cost of yourself would be carin’ and lookin’ out for you as well. She taught me that, I guess. More’n my own ideas for what’s right is the happiness and well-bein’ of my family, so I can’t push it on them unless I think they’re life’s in danger. And it ain’t, so… there you go. If I’m ever doubtin’ my actions, its that I wish I’d’ve lived more like my Ma.”
Lex looked up at the man’s creased face, crumpled around the eyes, like paper, from the sun and years of work and stress. “How did that work out for her?”
“Hm. Problem with that is, people ain’t all as unselfish as Ma was. She got sick and by the time someone took her to the doctor, the cancer had ate her up so bad, there was nothin’ they could do.” Jonathan mussed the thinning hair on top of his head. “Guess… it’s just a lesson for us. Keep an eye on the ones you love, and don’t assume it’s gonna be alright. We are each other’s keepers, if we care. C’mon. Let’s get you back to bed.”
Lex shut his laptop and obeyed, mostly to keep the old man from worrying about him more. Every time he laid down his heart started to pound and the tension in his neck and the middle of his back started up so he could barely breath.
Once he’d gotten back into his room, he rolled quietly back over to the bed he and Clark now shared and dismounted his chair. Clark woke briefly to pull Lex closely to him.
“Could you rub my back,” Lex murmured softly as he hooked his chin over Clark’s shoulder.
“Mm.” Clark’s hand went to work immediately, and Lex closed his eyes and focused on Clark’s scent and the simple act of pushing air in and out of his lungs.
***
Kisses peppering all over his face. Lex was cold and hot at the same time. Prickly all over. He groaned and rolled over in the bed.
Clark sat on his heels a moment then leaned over Lex, taking a good look at him. “Oh, God. Oh, God! Mercy!”
The large hand pressed against Lex’s head, and he grumbled. Really, if a man couldn’t sleep in when he was unemployed and had just gone to his ex-girlfriend’s funeral, when could he?
The door shook, and Clark jumped up to let Mercy in. Lex closed his eyes stubbornly, but then Mercy’s hands were on his head, and Clark was pulling him up, and she was returning with a thermometer. Lex just wanted to slip out of his skin and go somewhere else to sleep.
“C’mon, Lex. Open up or-“
“You’ll make me bend over?” Lex asked cheekily.
“I’ll make you go to the hospital,” she threatened. Lex opened his mouth. She’d do it. She’d done it before. Her hands touched his neck and forehead again as they waited on the thermometer. “You are a bit flushed.”
Lex sighed. Clark clung to him desperately. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Maybe.” She patted his chest, then after a moment, removed the thermometer and looked at it critically. “Clark, hang tight. I’m going to go get some juice and tea. It doesn’t look too bad. We’ll keep an eye on him and see what happens.”
“We do nothing?” Clark protested.
“We let him sleep more,” Lex suggested irritably.
Mercy stood and headed out of the room. “Fluids first. Then sleep.”
Clark rubbed Lex’s back, looking terrified. Lex took his hand and kissed the young man’s temple. “Clark, low-grade fevers happen. I’m not going to die from it.”
“Is this because you were out in the cold yesterday?”
“Viruses don’t really work that way. It could be a culmination of things.”
Clark curled his arms around Lex and tucked his chin over Lex’s shoulder. “I wish you didn’t have to deal with this.”
“Me too, Clark.” Lex patted his cheek and laid back. “You gonna hang out with me today? I doubt Mercy will let me out of bed for anything besides a bathroom trip.”
“Yeah, I’ll be right here”
“You’re like my puppy. Curled up by my side when I’m feeling cruddy.” Lex laughed when Clark nuzzled his neck.
Mercy returned with a tray containing orange juice, a cup of tea, and Lex’s pills. “Take.”
Lex saluted her and began to down the pills with the juice.
Mercy sat on the bed and smiled at Clark softly. “He’s our fever virgin. Be sure to catch him up on the protocol.”
“We have protocol? Hm. Thermometer. Juice and meds. Sleep. Bed rest. Boredness. Witty banter. I think that’s about it.”
“You can give him a warm bath later, but make sure he doesn’t get chilled outside of the tub,” Mercy instructed.
Clark nuzzled his neck again. “Sounds like fun.”
“Believe me, I am no fun in Fever Lockdown,” Lex warned Clark, giving him a foreboding look. Clark only smiled and held him as he began to sip the tea, which Mercy had added some honey to. “Thanks, Merc.”
“No problem. Let him sleep when he’s done, okay, Clark?” Mercy stood again. “Tell me when you get hungry. I can make some oatmeal with brown sugar.”
“Whenever you want me to.” Lex warmed his hands on the mug. “I’m not really all that hungry.”
“Shocker,” she replied with a smile.
“I’m tired,” Lex shot back.
The tip of her tongue peeked out of her mouth. “Then don’t stay up all night.”
“Why were you up?” Clark asked.
Lex sighed again and looked up at him. “Couldn’t sleep then. Want to sleep now. Is that okay?”
“Don’t be mad.” Clark’s voice had gone soft.
“He’s not mad, Clark. He’s cranky. Just give him some sugar and put him back to bed.” She leaned on the doorway. “I’ll be back to check his temperature again in an hour or so. Which he’s going to hate, if he’s still trying to sleep, but we’re going to keep on top of it.”
Clark nodded as she left. “She really does take good care of you.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
Clark looked up at the door, smiling. He let Lex go for a moment, then closed the door and fetched a lighter blanket from the closet.
“Are you going to wrap me up like a newborn?” Lex asked, taking a final sip of his tea.
“Yes.” Clark took Lex’s cup and set back on the tray. Then he pulled the thick comforter off of Lex, draped the new blanket over him, and snuggled back under the covers with him, kissing the back of his head. “Sleep. I’ll keep you warm and cozy. How do you feel?”
“Feverish. Head hurts, a little. No throat or chest problems, which would be worrisome, and my stomach feels fine. I think this one will just blow over after a day. It happens.” He pressed his back against Clark’s stomach.
“How do you do this? It’s like… serious business, even when it’s almost nothing. Because it could be something.”
Lex licked his lips and closed his eyes. “You grow used to it. You will too. Kiss me again.”
Clark did so, several times to the back of the head, and then he leaned over to kiss Lex’s cheek. “What if I get you sick?”
“It’s possible. If you get something, we’ll have to be more careful.”
Clark pressed another kiss to the back of Lex’s neck, and he could hear the hitch in the young man’s breathing. He reached back and patted Clark’s cheek.
“No being scared, baby.”
Clark let out a shaky sigh and nodded, his strong arms wrapped around Lex’s waist tightened as much as he dared, and he pressed his cheek to the back of Lex’s neck.
***
Lex’s fever subsided fairly quickly, but life in their apartment refused to be smooth. It had been only a week since Helen’s funeral, and already he’d had more visitations than he normally had to this apartment in a year.
The first was the police.
They knocked at the door in a sharp rap-rap-rap, and one of them boomed: “Mr. Luthor, open up. Metropolis P.D. here; we’d like to have a word with you.”
Lex looked at Mercy and Clark in confusion. Jonathan came out of the bedroom as Lex rolled up to the door to answer it.
When the door opened, there were two police officers standing side by side, legs at shoulder width. One red-haired, fair-skinned woman and her partner, who was darker of hair and complexion. His brows rose up seeing Lex, and he exchanged a glance with the woman before speaking. “Sir, we’re looking for your little brother. He went missing a day ago-“
“Lucas is missing?” Lex interrupted in a panicked voice as he heart jumped into his throat. If anything had happened to him…
The man continued in a more gentle tone, “And Mrs. Luthor intimated that you might have taken him.”
“She said that you already had an inappropriate relationship with your other younger brother,” the woman said bluntly. “We’d like to check the apartment, if you’ll allow us.”
Jonathan made a loud disgruntled noise. “Stepbrother at best! And Clark’s adopted anyway. And he’s twenty-one! Martha’s reachin’ to be callin’ it ‘inappropriate’.”
“And you are?” the woman asked.
Jonathan pointed to Clark. “His father.”
Her eyes scanned Clark up and down. “You’re Clark.” Her lips curved to the side, and she looked up at her partner, whispering. “A real pedo, yeah?”
“Shut it, Zagerelli.” The officer extended a hand to Lex. “I’m officer Gray. The rude one is Zagerelli. If you don’t mind us taking a quick look around, we’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”
“You got a warrant?” Mercy demanded, coming up to them with her arms crossed.
Gray looked at her. “Mercy?”
“Gordon.”
Gray sighed. “We can come back with a warrant, if you prefer.”
“No, just look. We have nothing to hide, no matter what Clark’s mother thinks of me,” Lex insisted, rolling backward to allow the officers to pass.
Clark corrected him petulantly. “She’s not my mother anymore. She’s Lionel’s wife.”
The officers exchanged another look and split up to check the bedrooms. Clark knelt beside Lex and put his arms around him. Lex looked into Clark’s eyes, nervously, “What do you think happened to Luc?”
“Dunno. Maybe someone was trying to get him away from your father. Maybe someone’s gonna ransom him.” Clark gave him another squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “I dunno, Lex.”
Unsurprisingly they returned a moment later, and after a nod, Zagerelli went into the kitchen, looked around briefly and came back with her hands in her pockets. “Nothin’. Sorry to waste your time, Mr. Luthor.”
“Not at all. Wait… Mercy, could you get one of my cards off the desk?”
“Got it.” Mercy moved quickly and handed the card to Gray.
“Use my cell. The office number is no longer mine. If you find out anything about my brother, could you let me know?” Lex asked, trying not to sound as though he were begging. He was in a bit of shock, and he wished that Martha’d had the decency to let him know that Lucas was missing. Then again if she thought so poorly of him, she might genuinely believe that Lex had taken the child for untoward purposes.
“We will, Mr. Luthor. Thank you for your cooperation. In turn-“ Gray reached into his pocket and gave Lex a number. “If you hear anything?”
“I’ll notify you immediately, of course.” Lex let out a shaky breath.
Zagerelli gave them a curt nod and headed out. Gray lingered a moment. “We’re doing everything we can to find him, Mr. Luthor. He hasn’t been missing for very long.”
“But the longer he’s missing, the less likely it is that you’ll find him. Isn’t that true?”
“We’re exploring every lead we have. That’s why we’re here.” Gray licked his lips and appeared unwilling to give the small, sickly looking man bad news. “Do you know of anyone who might want to hurt Mrs. Luthor? Anyone close to them who might have decided to abscond with the boy? After questioning the staff, they seemed to be implying that there would be people who would want to take Lucas away from them.”
“Well, yeah,” Clark replied bluntly. When the officer looked at him, he ducked his head and blushed.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, Lionel Luthor is an abusive jerk.” Clark licked his lips and faced the officer. “I’m schizo. Since I was fifteen. But if I knew how to drive or weren’t afraid to leave the apartment alone, I’d consider taking Lucas away from Lionel before he hurt him.”
“Clark,” Lex said softly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hurt him how?” Gray asked, narrowing his eyes on Lex.
Lex took several moments before answering. “He… has a violent temper.” Lex paused and took a breath. “He can be impatient with children. And… he um…” He could feel all of their eyes on him, and he faltered and could tell no more. “He hasn’t hurt Luc yet.”
“How do you know?” Gray pushed.
“I check him for bruises when I see him. There are none, other than those that I believe were actually caused by a fall, on the knees or elbows. He’s healthy. He doesn’t have any regressive behavior or signs of suddenly acting out. When I was that age, I’d cling to any adult that gave me any sort of positive attention. If I’d seen something in Lucas, I would have reported it immediately.” Lex shrugged. “I thought that with Lucas it would be different. Martha wouldn’t allow it to happen to her kid. She’s a bigot, but she’s a protective mother. With… before it was mostly about control, I think.”
Gray frowned a bit and took out a pad to take down some notes.
“What are you writing?”
“Bits of what you’ve described. Does Mrs. Luthor know how your father treated you?”
Lex licked his lips. “I think so, yes. If she hasn’t guessed, one of the servants would likely have told her by now.”
Gray looked at them seriously. “Alright. This could be helpful. We’ll see. Call me if you think of anything else, Mr. Luthor.”
Lex nodded. He felt Clark taking his hand and squeezing tightly as the walls seemed to draw in just a bit closer.
Gray smiled slightly at the two of them before he left. “Have a good day, or as good as can be expected.”
Lex let out a bitter laugh as he closed the door and looked to Clark again, who cupped his face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“They’ll find him,” Clark said firmly.
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
Lex laughed again humourlessly and leaned over to hug Clark. From behind him, he felt Jonathan’s arms coming around them as well.
“You know that cop, Mercy?” Clark asked.
She had been standing quietly behind the sofa and came around to the front to sit on one of the arms. “I went on a date with his sister recently.”
“Oh!” Clark’s eyes went round.
“What, you guys think you have the monopoly? I can date in my own gender.” Mercy smirked mischievously and shook her head. Then she put a light hand on Lex’s shoulder. “Hanging in there, boss?”
“It’s always something. Something is always happening. I just… hard to keep up. God, I hope he’s okay.” Lex licked his lips again and pressed his forehead into Clark’s chest.
“I’m gonna call Martha. See if I can’t get some information, yeah?” Jonathan patted both of their backs and headed to his bedroom.
“Love you,” Clark said. He kissed the top of Lex’s head softly and slowly, over and over, for quite awhile, then pressed his cheek to Lex’s head.
Mercy blinked and stopped watching them. She got up and headed to the kitchen. “It’s peppermint hot chocolate time.”
The second visitor was from the office.
Later that evening after Jonathan had gone to bed, there was another knock on the door, more tentative, as was the voice. “Um, Mr. Luthor?”
“Michelle?” Lex was curled up on the sofa with Clark’s arms around him.
Mercy jumped up immediately and opened the door. “What is it?” she asked.
Michelle looked like she was sucking on her teeth for a moment, then turned her head toward the sofa. “Lex, sorry to barge in, but I had some good news, if you’re interested. I hope it’s not too late?”
“I could use some good news,” Lex said, managing to keep his voice from wobbling.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, breezing past Mercy and coming over to the sofa.
“I’m not sick, if that’s what you mean.”
She frowned and sat beside the two men. “Well, it was. You look very pale.”
“I always do. What did you want?”
Michelle gave him a gentle, compassionate smile, the kind that Lex hated, then opened up her purse to pull out a rather thick file. “I hope you don’t mind, but when your father called me into your office, you know, the day he fired you, I had my tape recorder on me, and I got part of the conversation before he threw us out.”
Lex sat up a bit, frowning. “What do you mean? What did you get? Why did you do that?”
Michelle watched Lex’s face as she took out the tape recorder and hit the play button:
“You can’t fire me for having a relationship with Clark. I’ve done good work for this company! I’ve smoothed feathers that you ruffled, I’ve dodged legal issues for this company’s negligence, and I’ve single-handedly prevented twobelieve this.”
“Believe it, Lex. I hope you’ve gotten what you wanted with Clark because you can consider yourself repudiated from both this family and my company.”
She stopped the recorder and raised her brows. When Lex said nothing, simply looked to her in askance, she continued. “I’ve spoken with our lawyer at the ACLU. While what your father has done to you isn’t specifically illegal in Kansas, it does break the contractual nondiscriminatory practices of LuthorCorp, and it does fit a pattern with the case we’ve been building against him over the past couple of years.” Her deep hazel eyes darted between Clark and Lex. “Your father has a habit of going quid pro quo on his female employees and letting the suits do it as well. So we’ve gotten in the habit of carrying around these.” She wiggled the recorder around before setting her hand in her lap.
“You’re suing him?” Lex asked incredulously. Not that he was feeling particularly loyal to the man, having recently been fired and then reminded of his own fate at the man’s hands when he’d been young and defenseless, but it just seemed impossible that anyone would try to make a legal move against him. Lionel had always seemed to be so untouchable.
“He can’t get away with what he’s done, Lex. He just can’t. He reached up Allyson’s skirt and told her if she breathed a word, she’d be out on the street and they’d take her kids away. He fired you for being gay. You don’t get to do that these days,” she replied adamantly. “I’d like you to be in on this. Not just because the press will turn on him for firing his son-“
“His gay, sick, crippled son,” Lex corrected her. Her mouth dropped open, and her brows tented with that look of concern she always gave him when he asked her for help. He sighed. “If we’re going to get him by an evocation of pathos, we might as well be clear about the stakes. A gay son might not get much sympathy smack in the middle of Kansas.”
“A son with no legs and a terminal illness, well…” Clark continued. Lex met his eye and, once he saw the fierce expression on Clark’s face, began to smile himself. He took Clark’s hand in his own and threaded their fingers together.
“Would you be willing to help us? Like I was going to say, I want you to be in on it, but not just for publicity. On your own, you might not win, but with the rest of us, the lawyer is paid for, and you might be able to get part of the settlement. I know meds cost.” She put her recorder back into the bag. “My husband came back to me from the Middle East in a chair, and I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to get LuthorCorp to extend my medical insurance to him.”
Lex tilted his head, understanding her for the first time. “Are you one of the women testifying against my father?”
“No, I’m testifying against Jameson for harassing me and making racist remarks. And against Human Resources for brushing it off and asking me if I didn’t just imagine it all,” Michelle replied with pursed lips.
Lex blinked, then nodded. He’d noticed that Jameson was always dropping gruntwork on Michelle’s desk, but he’d had no idea that it was that bad. “I didn’t realize he was doing that to you. I’m sorry.”
“Lex, hon, you had your own BS to deal with when you were in the office. It’s not like he was ever overt about it when someone could hear him.” Michelle waved her hand and pulled out the file. “Besides, you told him off for me a couple of times. That was just brilliant. He couldn’t lash back at you. Take a look at this. I can set up another meeting with our lawyer, if you want to sit in with me and the girls. Honestly, you’re not the first man to be fired from LuthorCorp for having a boyfriend, but you are the first to be directly fired by Lionel Luthor himself.”
“And you have it on tape. Is that even admissible?”
“That’s up to our lawyer to convince the judge. If it’s doable, it’ll be admitted. I trust her,” Michelle told him honestly. Then she touched his shoulder. “I understand if you don’t want your relationship plastered all over the newspapers. Because I think that’s what’s gonna happen, and that could be rough.”
“I can take it, Lex,” Clark promised quietly.
Lex looked to Clark again, briefly. “Then I guess I can as well. Thank you for doing this, Michelle.”
“It’s not a problem. We’re helping each other.”
Mercy leaned over the back of the sofa. “I don’t suppose you have anything in that bag for me, do you, Wizard?”
“Oh?” Michelle looked up at Mercy in surprise.
“He fired me too. Though I don’t think it’s in any way related to the ACLU, just a part of Lionel’s sick desire to control every aspect of his son’s life.” Mercy sighed. “He’s pretty much blacklisted me in the area, so I can’t get another job working like I was before. I’m nursing now. Fun fun.”
“Oh,” Michelle said again, creasing her brow pensively. “I don’t know, actually. I’ll ask Syliva, our lawyer, what she thinks.”
Mercy scratched the back of her head. “That’s good enough for me.” Then she put her hands on Lex’s shoulders and began to massage them. “Things lookin’ up for us, huh, Boss?”
“If this works. Even if it doesn’t, it feels good to do something about all of this,” Lex admitted. “Entropy is death, really.”
“We’re going to nail him to the wall,” Michelle stated firmly, her motherly tone dropping away. She lifted one hand and pointed. “Justice demands nothing less.”
“God, you sound like Black Diamond,” Mercy laughed.
”I’m black something… oh, isn’t that the comic guy?” Michelle shook her head. “The hubs used to have a bunch of those old books before we sold them off for bills.”
“Lex still does,” Clark told her with a grin. “Though mostly Warrior Angel.”
Lex shrugged. “Actually, they’re now available at the comics and collectables shop on 5th and Main.”
“You didn’t sell them!” Clark protested in a wounded voice.
“Food is more important than comics,” Lex argued. Clark pouted and hugged him tightly.
Michelle chuckled and rose from the sofa. “Let me know if you boys need anything, okay? But think of it this way, no matter what happens, whether we go to court or LuthorCorp settles, something is going to happen. I promise you that much.”
Lex nodded and watched the woman leave with a sense of utter astonishment.
“You shouldn’t have sold them, Lex. You love them,” Clark grumbled.
Lex focused on Clark’s hair and stroked it slowly. “I love you. It isn’t a big deal.”
The third visitor came a day and a half later, although this one called first.
Lex had been alone when he answered the door. Mercy was at her job at the hospital, and Clark and his father were out making sure that he finished up the last of his GED. Lex didn’t know what to expect, although it was likely to be another afternoon as the sieve for academic drama.
“Simon,” Lex said with a smile.
Simon always looked the same, and he almost tripped over his feet as he entered the apartment. “Nice place.”
Lex smiled, but only because Simon had told him what a horrible little hovel his ‘bachelor’s’ pad was, and he knew that the man sincerely meant it. He shut the door and gestured to the kitchen, where he’d set out some drinks and snacks for them both.
“I ah… appreciate that, Lex, but I don’t want to ahh… a-abuse your hospitability. Not today anyway.” Simon walked over to the counter and leaned against it, setting down his briefcase. “My, you’re pale.”
“Everyone keeps telling me that lately. I don’t feel any worse than I have in the past few days.”
“Maybe you need ah… a little fresh air.” Simon adjusted his glasses.
“It’s cold. I’m tiny and bald,” Lex said shortly. “I’m not going out unless I have to. Have some crackers.”
Simon laughed. “Yes, yes. I see.” He reached over to take a bottle of ginger ale and opened it slowly.
“Simon, why are you here?” Lex asked finally, when it didn’t appear that the man was going to come forward.
“Actually, I don’t know if you’d picked it up from our conversations, but I’m second in command at our department at Metropolis University currently. Margarita stepped down… ah… went on to er… greener pastures at… Brown, so I have Tim’s ear, as it were.”
“I so gathered. Congratulations,” Lex took his own bottle and drew in a long sip, waiting for more to come.
“Oh. Hm. Well, I’d heard you were finally on the market again. I thought I’d make an ah… offer before any other institutions came knocking at your door.”
Lex simply stared at Simon. “Offer. As in a job?”
“Ah ha! Yes, a job.” Simon mussed his hair, grinning toothily. “Tim looked at your work, and he and I agree that will a little encouragement, and lab space, you’d be quite the asset. We’d have to add you as an adjunct next semester for one of the lower level science classes, but after that we could talk a more permanent position, or add you as a graduate assistant, if you want to ah… continue your studies. I think you have enough to merit consideration, though. I could hire you as my assistant now, to get you on payroll. I know your situation is tight and, ah… in great exigency, currently.”
“I… Simon, I couldn’t tell you how much that would mean to us. Doesn’t…” Lex thinned his lips. “I don’t have a great history….”
”Well, once you were on payroll, you could talk to someone at the health center on a sliding scale-“
“No, I don’t mean I want a therapist. It’s… doesn’t it bother Tim that the public pretty much knows that I have a record of…” Lex paused, then spit it out. “Of trying to kill myself?”
Simon’s tongue flickered out over his lips, and he appeared momentarily unsettled. “I… er… he well…”
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but when I applied about four years ago, before that even happened, mind, I was told that my mental state was very much an issue,” Lex insisted. “Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate any job, right now. I’ll be your assistant if you’d like. But I don’t really have a chance to get any kind of job stability, do I?”
“Well… Tim doesn’t know,” Simon said, rolling his tongue around the side of his mouth.
Lex licked his lips, then replied more softly, “And you don’t think he’ll find out?”
“I do. However, well ah… I don’t think it’s going to matter. I’ll go to bat for you on that one, Lex,” Simon insisted. “It won’t be easy. It never is with tenure, but I’d like to at least make sure that we ah… have you for a few years. Honestly, I don’t think you need to be thinking what our university thinks of your mental state. I think you’ll be leaving us once you’re back in the game for a better paying position elsewhere. Don’t tell Tim I said that.”
Lex smiled softly. Simon was offering him a stepping-stone. That was quite generous, and certainly not how the university normally went about hiring. “I’m glad you have faith in me.”
“Well, ah… someone has to. That boy of yours does, otherwise I’d never have known you were still writing.” Simon looked down at him and rolled his shoulders with an anxious frown. “Say yes. Come up for an interview, at least. Oh! As an added bonus, if you do get a position teaching, then classes for that young thing of yours would be free.”
Lex’s smile broadened. The thought of Clark getting to start college was just… too good. He felt his face flushing. “You know how to court them, don’t you?”
“I know how to ah… court potential professors.” Simon raised a finger to the sky. “Not so much women.”
“You and me both, Simon.”
“You don’t have to court women!” Simon protested. “Maybe ah… you can give me a tip or two in getting a twenty-something.”
“Start hanging out in mental institutions,” Lex suggested flatly.
Simon cackled and pulled up a chair by the table.
Jonathan called late to let Lex know that he and Clark would be going out for dinner to celebrate, and Lex told them to go on ahead. He’d spend time with Clark later, and he wanted to break the news in person. So after Simon had left, Lex pulled out a bottle of scotch that he’d hidden from Mercy behind the bookshelf and went to pour himself a nice two fingers.
He raised the glass to his lips, then hesitated. For some reason, he saw Clark’s dopey grin. His eyes shining bright with faith. He could see Lucas’s boundless energy, which he missed so much, and feel Jonathan Kent’s firm, fatherly hands on him. Hear Mercy’s scolding voice. Michelle’s motherly tone. Daize’s endless pop culture prattle. Simon’s nasal, irritatingly positive comments.
He wheeled over to the sink and poured the scotch out, then after a moment of contemplation did the same with rest of the bottle. He tossed it in the recycling bin and sat alone in the dark kitchen for about half an hour, reflecting on how much Clark had impacted his meager existence and not just on the bridge and not just emotionally. They had collided into one another’s lives, even if Lex had swerved, and irrevocably changed one another, just by existing. The profoundness of it made Lex shake.
He wasn’t the same man that had walked into that coffee shop with a swish in his hips and a chip on his shoulder. Maybe he had a different chip on his shoulder these days, Lex admitted, but back then, he’d had no friends but his colleagues, who had been of little to no support once he’d lost his legs. He’d had a father who had nearly killed him trying to get he doctors to reattach his legs. He had been intense, and yes, brilliant, but he had also been painfully lonesome, with no idea how to connect with anyone else in this plastic little world.
A hand went over his mouth. Clark. He and Clark had a connection. He didn’t know if was destiny, as Clark had always claimed, or if it was simply the connection created by their encounter on the Loeb Bridge. However, from that point on, everything they had done together had been theirs. If not destiny’s, theirs.
Luck. Fate. Magic. Who the hell knew? Lex had a boyfriend, whom he loved, because they were making it and they were fighting for it. Lex had a job, which he would most definitely enjoy, because he had continued to write and exercise his mind, all the while his father was trying to kill his spirit.
Wheeling out of the kitchen, Lex picked up the phone. Clark would be in later. Mercy had a late shift. He still wanted to tell someone.
“Daize? Hey. Do you want to go out for dinner?”
***
Hours later, Lex returned to his apartment to see Jonathan, Mercy, and Clark turn towards him, worry written all over their faces. Clark was clearly panicked.
“What did I do?” Lex asked, his eyes going from one of them to the other.
Clark rushed over and flung his arms around Lex, then looked up at Daize darkly when she walked in behind him. She raised her hands in surrender. “I promise I didn’t let him drink. We just went to Misal’s and pounded the table over how damn spicy the food was!”
“I left a note,” Lex told Clark brushing his fingers through Clark’s thick dark hair. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I just… I thought…”
Lex swallowed. He knew what Clark had thought when he saw a note, before even reading it. He knew, and the thought made him want to cry for his sweet boy who had to be in love with such a broken man. He didn’t want Clark to have those thoughts every time Lex was left alone, or when he had the slightest fever. He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he had texted them, or something to spare Clark those kinds of worries. “I have good news,” he said, cupping Clark’s chin and making him look into his eyes.
“Oh! Did they find Lucas?” Clark’s expression brightened.
Lex’s face fell. “Um. No, not that I know of.”
“Then what is it, Lex?” Jonathan asked, walking over and putting a hand on Clark’s back.
“I got a job. My friend at Met U hired me as his personal assistant, and next semester they’ll be giving me classes to teach.” Lex looked into Clark’s eyes and kissed his nose.
“Eee! You got a job! I knew it would all be okay! Didn’t I tell you?” Clark reached up and pulled the knit hat off of Lex’s head, then caressed his soft skin. He hugged Lex again tightly and kissed under his chin.
Lex sighed and rocked Clark from side to side. “So you finished the GED today, huh? Think you passed?”
“I kicked its ass!” Clark crowed. He pulled back and put his hands on Lex’s thighs.
Lex touched Clark’s hair again. “I’m sorry we worried you.”
“I brought you guys a movie,” Daize offered, handing it to Clark nervously, as though she were making an offering to get in good with the family. Her last appearance hadn’t gone well either.
Clark took the movie and looked over it, then tilted his head up to Daize with a distressed expression. “Oh, is this the one where Warrior Angel dies?”
“The hero never really dies, Clark. He always comes back. Devilicus too,” Daize corrected him. “It’s hilariously homoerotic. I’m not even kidding. Devilicus just cannot handle a world where he can’t obsess over his Warrior Angel.”
Clark grinned. “You want to stay over and watch? Oh, is it too late?”
“I don’t work tomorrow, so I doesn’t matter for me. When do you start, Lex?” Mercy asked, taking the DVD from him and leaning over the entertainment center to switch back from the video games, which Lex was glad now that they hadn’t sold, because Clark liked them so much. Very slowly, Daize’s eyes moved over to watch Mercy bend over… a bit too closely.
“Next Monday,” Lex confirmed. He wheeled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “Drinks?”
“Tequila!” Daize laughed walking over to lean on the doorframe.
Lex narrowed his eyes at her. “Now… I thought that you and tequila were no longer friends.”
“Oh, right. I forgot. That bitch and her trampy worm.”
Lex chuckled, and Daize bounced back into the other room to go chat with Clark and Mercy. Lex poured some milk and stirred chocolate milk in it for Clark, then prepared some soda for Jonathan and Daize and water for Mercy and himself. Lex set the tray of drinks in his lap and wheeled back into the den.
“You’re awesome.” Clark came up to him to take the tray and set it on the table. Lex followed him to the sofa and then allowed Clark to pick him up and take him to the sofa. He set Lex in his lap as the others piled on either side of them.
Lex rested his head on Clark’s shoulder and watched as the movie started. He missed Lucas keenly, particularly when they were doing things such as this. His little brother would have loved to curl up on the couch with them to see a Warrior Angel movie; he had been looking forward to watching it, when it came out.
Now that Lucas was genuinely missing, Lex felt a stab whenever he thought of his little brother. There was nothing he could do, save for comply with the police when they asked questions. Jonathan hadn’t gotten much response from Martha, other than excuses and a self-righteous defense for sending the police to Lex’s doorstep.
Lex could only hope that they found him. He was on a roll, it seemed, and he closed his eyes wishing as hard as he could that his luck be given to his baby brother, wherever the little guy was. His fingers curled around Clark’s shirt, and Clark’s hand rested on the curve of his neck.
“He’s gonna be okay,” Clark whispered in Lex’s ear. “I’ll be right about that too. No being scared.”
Lex looked up at Clark with a faltering smile and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Of course Clark knew what was going through his mind. He would always believe, and Lex would always doubt. He laid his head back down to watch the movie with his family and friends.