Yeah.
I'm probably going to be a wreck again tomorrow.
But in this moment I am happy.

I love feeling love.
I love my past.
I love my talents.
I love my mind.
I love my flaws.

I love.

I love knowing I'll be different tomorrow.
I love knowing I'll change the day after that.

That's my sickness.
And I'm sure you guessed it.

(I love it.)

-Smiles

Weightless as I close my eyes.
The ceiling opens in  disguise.

Such a painful trip
to find out this is it.
And when I go to sleep,
you'll be waking up.

Four, three, two, one
I'm letting you go.
I will let go
if you let go.

My head hits the pillow.
A weeping willow.
I can't sleep.  A pain so deep it bellows.
But these cellos help me just to keep mellow.
Hand's on my head; touched knees to elbow.
I'm hunched over. Emotion just flows over.
These cold shoulders are both frozen. You don't know me.
I keep saying it.  I can't stress it enough so keep playing it
and stand next to ( Read more... )

I feel as if my friend infrastructure has failed in the last few days.

Something bad happened to me today.
A family member was in a terrible car wreck.  And I wanted someone to hold me.
Lie to me.

Promise nothing bad will ever happen in the world.

It's three thirty and Josh won't be home for hours.
I'm so lonely.
I'm so scared.

-Smiles

You are jealous of me.
'Cause you, you just can't do what I do
so instead of just admitting it
you walk around and say
all kinds of really mean things about me
'cause you're a meanie. A meanie.

But it's only 'cause you're
just really jealous of me
'cause I'm what you want to be
so you just look like an idiot
when you say these mean things
'cause it's too easy ( Read more... )

I'm walking over to my mom's to work out.  Some days I love my body and I'm sad that it has to be deemed "chunky" by society.  Since I'm part of society, even I believe I just don't look good.  Weird.

I work this weekend. Lame.
(I work every weekend.)
I'm feeling kinda lonely.  I'm going to go work out.  Not be hungry.
(I've been forcing myself to eat ( Read more... )

Light breaks underneath a heavy door,
and I try to keep myself awake.
Fall all around us on our hotel floor,
and you think that you've made a mistake.
And there's a  pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge,
and I struggled to get myself up again.

I wanna hang onto something
that won't break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart.

And globes ( Read more... )

I know I'm not as strong as I like to pretend to be.

Or maybe I am.  And I just have a jaded view of what strength is supposed to look like.
Let's go with that.

I'm going to go write a new song. I've got it in me today.

-Smiles

When it comes
it comes abrupt.
And it feels, it feels like trading brains
with an imbecile.  For real.
Yes, I feel emphatic about not being static,
and not buying philosophies that are sold to me at a steal.

Just when you thought it was safe to think
in comes mental piracy.
What I'm looking for cannot be sold to me
I wish they all would stop trying.
Cause' ( Read more... )

I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul.
My only goal is just to be.

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Without you the hand gropes,
the ear hears, the pulse beats.
Life goes on, but I'm gone.
'Cause I'd die without you.

There's only now.
There's only here.
Give into love or live in fear.
No other path.
No ( Read more... )