I have been living on strawberry bread and milk for a week.

If the standard of living does not improve within the next five seconds, I am kicking someone's face in.

Death by choking on a tennis ball.
Death by stabbing eyes out by racket handle.
Death by grip tape suffocation.
Death by being run over by ball cart.
Death by ball machine set at 200kph.

So many choices; where to begin.