I’m angry. And I kind of don’t want to stop. If I stop, then I’ll just be sad. And angry feels better than sad. It's a tricky business, doing just enough to keep myself angry but not enough to do something I’ll regret ( Read more... )

A conversation:

“Who are you?”

“I think it depends on who’s asking.”

“Does who you are change depending on who’s asking?”

“No… But different askers want different things, even though they’re asking the same question.”

“… Who you are is whatever the asker wants?”

“No… Yes.”

- M

 
Human connection is a curious thing.

The head office admin for my department found out we’re from the same part of Cali, and now we are connected. Now she stops me in the halls and smiles and lends me things she thinks I’ll like. She talks about me to her family and she beams and ushers me into her office when I drop by. And when I need something ( Read more... )

I don’t have any words big enough to bridge this gap and fill this silence.

Always,

M

There’s something so important and I need to say it, need to get it out, need to lay it down for the world to see and let it sit silent and true and separate from myself. It’s an ebbing pressure, a frantic rush, a frenzied roar, it’s something. It comes in waves and it settles in all the spaces of myself that aren’t quite filled and it presses at ( Read more... )

I am distressed ( Read more... )

H - 3:15pm - You’re such a poet ( Read more... )

I have never been more aware of my own automatic psychological processes kicking in to try and protect me not only from anxiety but also an actual awareness of stressors and/or dangers. Jury’s still out on whether or not these processes are maladaptive ( Read more... )

Some days I can’t even begin to fathom what it is I want to say to you. But there’s something and it’s important and I need to say it.

Sometimes it keeps me up at night.

Don’t tell anyone though, ok?

Always,

M

Here are some things that I know about myself ( Read more... )