God damn it I hate facebook. I do not want to reconnect with this person. If I did, I would show up at her favorite coffee shop with a scone and a smile and a plan. I do so hate it when my social life isn’t meticulously neat and tidy and completely under my control ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel as though I don’t know who I am. I feel a perpetual blank slate. Today I do not miss you so much as I miss the who I was when I was with you, because even if who I was wasn’t very wonderful, I still felt so sure of my existence when you were there to confirm it for me ( Read more... )

Everything sort of fell apart this morning. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know where the fuck my head is at these days ( Read more... )

Fucking hell. I just got a text from an old boss. Sort of a boss… it’s complicated. When I was doing ABA, I worked with this boy. I adored him. I loved that kid so very much… he made me laugh. I was fiercely devoted and all that. He loved me, too. I was very much his favorite ( Read more... )

I hope you understand what these letters are about. I hope you see me stripping down my many, many layers of defense and trying to find a way to make myself real. I’m trying to tell the truth. I’m trying to show you these things that are too raw for me to talk about. I’m trying to confess. I think this will be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been. ( Read more... )

I think I am… something that I don’t know how to say ( Read more... )

Some things I just don’t know how to say. And usually it’s the really, really important things ( Read more... )

I’m afraid that when the time comes for me to do all these things I’m supposed to do I won’t be able to do them. I’m afraid I’m going to fail ( Read more... )

Remember you said you put things in boxes? Afterwards I imagined your mind as something like a warehouse, shelves and shelves of boxes. Cardboard boxes. Each one neatly taped up and labeled with black sharpie in your patient handwriting, all sorted and stacked in the appropriate pile. I remember being angry, thinking about how you could just pack ( Read more... )

Today I miss you more than usual.

A&F,

M