It's the classic scenario. Just when you're least expecting it. Just when you've given up the hunt and packed away your giant butterfly net. Just then. Just then it happens ( Read more... )

A friend and I were talking about how Alice Cooper used to be cool. Really, when I was a kid, not only was he the scariest, most shocking motherfucker I'd ever laid my eyes on, but he had some great songs. His Billion Dollar Babies album alone was one of the best things the 1970s ever produced. Then what happened? Well, eventually people weren't so ( Read more... )

It takes a special kind of guy to pull me off tour for the sole purpose of wishing him the best on being another year grown.

Happy birthday, Mr. Gein. Hope you didn't do anything I wouldn't do.

I accidentally poked myself in the eye last night, and today it's all swollen. And you know what? It's kind of sexy--in a side show circus freak kind of way, I mean. You know, like the original Hilton sisters, the conjoined twins who could sing, play instruments and romance a man all at the same time ( Read more... )

It happens. It might even happen to you. You hit a certain age, and you decide the life you've been living isn't enough. You know you're a little long in the tooth to start something new, but you also think that it's now or never. If you're going to take that leap, do it while you're still free of commitments and not having to worry about another ( Read more... )

It's official. Germans love me like Hasselhoff. Many are pretty surprised to find out my speaking voice is deeper than they have been led to believe. I guess all the German talent they use to dub my movies have these light, airy, Marilyn Monroe voices. It's strange to hear, but it makes The Other Sister knee-slapping, fall-on-the-floor hilarious to ( Read more... )

Why is it when you hand a dog a piece of food, he has to sniff it before he'll take it? Based on the dogs I have known in my life, those people will eat anything. What does it have to smell like for them to decide they don't want it?

Think about it, won't you?

Stay tuned for a real update...And porn.

I can't say this tour hasn't been fun. I can't say it's afforded me any amount of sleep in the last two weeks, so my judgement may be a little bit clouded and a lot bit loopy. I'll be heading home soon, at which time I'll impart all the gory details. But I'll tell you this, I'm going to miss the British press.

( OH SNAP! )

You can't look into the sun without shielding your eyes. My retinas have been burnt out, and the visions replaced with distant echos. Wordless conversations become tactile declarations punctuated by contented sighs. I don't miss the words, necessarily. In my dreams, dialogue is scripted by my own subconscious. Silence is the reality. Besides, I ( Read more... )

Chemical components once precisely in place now lost to the elements. They don't know where to go on their own, and I don't know where to put them, because for me there was only ever one solution. The formula may have wrong, but I was sure it was right. The energy produced could fuel an entire metropolis. It may have been combustable, but I knew ( Read more... )