OK my complaints today...hum my mom did it again last night, I had a calorie limit and I had it planned out what i will eat all day, so I gave myself a treat at night to stop binges i have to, so it was an apple with peanut butter (i measure out exactly one tablespoon)...so i comment how good the meal is...i mean i had salad mostly for lunch so it ( Read more... )

ok me mom is annoying me now. We are both losing weight, but for some reason she now feels that she is allowed on commenting on everything i eat...I mean everything I want to eat or even when i go into the kitchen for a meal, I will sit wanting to eat a snack (maybe a sandwich or something) and then she will be like u dont really need to anything ( Read more... )

ok so i purged twice yesterday...yicks...i mean i go from being scared the first day to twice in one day, i like the control and that is scary...its too easy a solution...i am going to try and not eat so much so i dont have to do it ever again...i mean i purged regular food it wasnt even a binge, erggggggggg.........no more eating so no more

I had a little too much for dinner, so i purged after, i am kinda scared how much comfort i got from that, i was so nervous and angry at myself before the purging and yet after i felt better, cleaned out...My tummy is still bulging out and i still counted all the calories, i purged more than i did last time, but its still not good enough....god it ( Read more... )

I just went on a 6.5 mile hike (about 4 hours)...we would have done more, me and my bro (he is training for army stuff) but my mom and his fiance got too tired!!! Anyway, i think we did well and I hope this atleast eliminates a pound or two, i mean my heart rate was up the whole time!!!

I thought of something that i wanted to write, i think i am going to write everything down on paper, like seriously write everything out...day by day as i remember the abuse....i dont know, maybe one day it will help someone understand me....

I am so pissed...why am i pissed bc my dad is driving me crazy!!! Oh my god after someone has taken everything from you, your body, your sanity, your sense of equilibrium and control you shouldnt have to tolerate talking to them in adulthood, u sure hell shouldnt be required to live with them in adulthood....I hate the sense of guilt that my mom ( Read more... )

Ok, well today was a good day....I was way low on my calorie intake, I think i was on a high because i lost 3 pounds this week, sweet!!! I had a binge Wed. on egg noodles, i didnt even want the food at all, I didnt crave it, i was just so nervous and irrate i got anxious and wanted to binge, its all i wanted was to binge and that is what i did...so ( Read more... )

Man today sucks, as all days...yesetrday was the first time that I binged and purged, I have binged alot and I have tried to purge before but yesterday was the first time that I actually purged, I dont know i know that I shouldnt do it but afterwords i felt relief, happy, control (SO MUCH CONTROL). i was so happy afterwords, like you would think i ( Read more... )

OK 2 post in one day...what else do i think of when i have free time, god my mom looked at me 2 days ago and said that i seem tense and nervous and she didnt know why, why, i coudlnt tell her....well i dont know...i have posted before that i was sexually abused as a kid by my dad (from 7 to 21) yah i am 21 now. with that abuse he also never allowed ( Read more... )