sometimes, when i look at who is calling i wonder if its you. i wouldnt pick up, but it would just give me the right amount of satisfaction.

she really dissapointed me this time. at least i wont get so close next time. or the time after, and after and after.

italy was by far the best week, if not one of the best, of my life. if only i didnt have seperation anxiety from my home and i could be a free spirit and fly myself there forever, or even just for a semester.

there will always be two that i love. there will always be those two. i made that promise a long time ago, and i plan to keep it forever. we might not know each other, but you will still be one of the two. you will always be.

i feel the stress in every part of my body. i cant relax, i cant relax. im forcing myself into isolation because im scared again. now im just waiting for the next person to leave me. im so tired of doubting everything i believe in. school is starting this week, and im convinced its gonna start full blast. i cant put everyone before me anymore. ( Read more... )

im having a breakdown. dont try calling, i wont pick up. im walking away from you. im sorry, im sorry. im backing down, im letting my enemies win. but thats just how i have always been. at least i tried to stand up for myself, i dont know any other way. im drained from never learning how to say no. how can i fix that so late in the game?

i ended my first year at brookdale with a 3.8 GPA. i guess i could have done better, but this was also a really shitty year for me. i think ive come through pretty well. im leaving for my across the country extravaganza with alex on thursday, which is technically tomorrow. as much as ill miss my bed, i think im ready to grab the world and take it ( Read more... )

reading old posts feels really good. reading about things that i have forgotten about, like comments people have made and exact feelings i have had for someone else. computers have taken over, and we were the first ones to experience it. for me, the internet became a part of my life in 2nd or 3rd grade. now, it has taken the world by storm. life is ( Read more... )

so, today was an okay day. i feel content. i feel, trying to be positive, that right now isnt even a good time for me to be in a relationship. i miss him so much, i miss having that love in every breath that i take but maybe it would be a distraction. this is the time where im stabilizing myself for the rest of my life, and its not a bad thing that ( Read more... )

First of all, I would love to tell you how magical I think it is that I have had this thing since 2001. Being able to look back at days of my life in a click of a button is so perfect. I was looking at 2004, when I was with Alex and its so weird to me now. Its so weird to me because I never thought I loved him, and I finally did and when he left me ( Read more... )

i need some coors light.
i need to feel wanted and needed by the boy im in love with.
i want to never get my period again.
i want to see alex sometime again in my life.
i want tattttooooesss.

im starting college in a month and a half.
im so whatever right now.
and you can tell because im sitting in my house and im content.
this is really weird for