meme - let's try this again

[littpiski]

So acceptreble alerted me to the fact that you can't comment anonymously on a protected entry - which I totally forgot. So here's the REAL one.

"Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your

Comments

[anonymous]

I seem to be in a world which is determined to keep rubbing my face in the fact that other people keep having awesome wild monkey sex and I'm not.

So it goes.

[littpiski]

you can come visit my world where i complain about how i'm not having awesome wild monkey sex. one thing i've noticed is that who has awesome wild monkey sex is almost arbitrary. anyways, a lot of my women friends at berkeley always tell me how hard it is. and of course, my coworker antonio agreed with me when i said berkeley is the anti-sex.

[anonymous]

I'm afraid I'll never have the courage to do even mundane things like confront people about problems or ask someone out, or to carry out larger plans, life goals, and dreams. I'm afraid I'll never be able to put all my energy into what I want to do with my life--as if I know what I want to do--while I know people who have already formed bands or had solo shows or sold their fashion lines. On the other hand, I'm optimistic because I'm taking small steps, like registering for the classes I want to take instead of the ones my mother expects me to.

[littpiski]

small steps feel pretty good too. i chose early on, when i was very young, to not be brave enough to pursue my interests (namely, writing) in exchange for something more solid (social sciences/public health). if you still have the option of going for your dream, and you're taking it, you're way above me.

[anonymous]

I'm tired of being the adult in my family, I wish my parents had planned things out more so that they were better able to do their job.
If he asked me to marry him or fly out to live with him, I think I might actually consider giving up my ambitions to do that. Shouldn't I be ashamed? I also feel guilty about falling for him when he's so far away and because he's a close friend, since I have no right to ask for anything anyways. I also don't want to complain to him anymore for fear of driving him away and that he'll slowly come to realize that I'm not half as cool, strong or interesting as he thinks I am.

I don't know if I will make it in the field I've chosen because one stupid test might hold me back. I'm not sure how disappointed I would be, if at all. Actually, I've been being rather numb about all kinds of stuff lately and it bothers me.
I don't speak to my friends from high school as often as I would like to or should, but I still love all of them dearly and wish the best for them. I just don't always have things to say...

[littpiski]

sometimes i just want to be a housewife because i don't think i'm strong enough to succeed in my field. but then my parents would kill me. but really, look at the things that occupy my mind - boys, sex, clothes, appearance...i have a deeper love for academics and activism, but it's not as easy to love.

but just knowing my f-list in general, no one really sticks out as someone who couldn't do fine on a standardized test. so...good luck on that.

[anonymous]

i'm scared of the "real world." i'm scared of the future because i had all these dreams but reality is setting in and i don't think anything is going to turn out like i wanted it to.

i don't have anyone that loves me.
i don't know what i'm going to do with my future.
i just feel like a burden to my family, and more and more i feel like maybe i'm not the good friend i think i am, maybe i don't have anything to offer, to anyone or to the world...it gets overwhelming.

[kelmscott]

dear anonymous,

whenever you feel like this, you should pull up a good book, make a cup of tea, and spend the day extrospecting - focusing and ruminating outside of yourself.

then, make it your policy to hang out with as many people as you can. even little interactions, like talking to someone after class or having a brief conversation online. just keep putting yourself out there, no matter how frightening it is. the thing about being a good friend is that takes practice, and anything that requires practice necessarily involves slip-ups and occasional letdown. press on. if you withdraw, your shell/insecurity/feelings of being a burden are guaranteed. if you put yourself out there, you'll eff up from time to time, but when you succeed, you'll learn so much more.

sincerely,
someone else

p.s. hopefully, this piece of unsolicited advice will also apply to your other concerns. experiencing people/the "real world" will help you figure out where your place in it is.

[littpiski]

i'm not sure how helpful what i could say to this is. i really feel like this a lot; it's hard to wake up every day doing things i know i "should" do if i feel like in the end it won't matter at all. the only way i can survive this feeling for sure is by trying to get through the next hour and then the next day, the next week. sometimes it gets better, and sometimes it doesn't.

i don't know if this defeats the purpose of anonymous posting but please feel free to lay it all out to me if you ever need to talk about shit.

[anonymous]

for the most part, i seem to make pretty good impressions on people... but there are times when i really miss the mark, even when i think i'm doing all right. example: i recently hung out with a few new people on thursday night and had a great time. throughout the evening, they were saying that i should hang out with them later in the week and that they'd call me. then we got more and more drunk and though i think i maintained my composure, i worry that i became overbearing (which sometimes happens when i drink). it's tuesday already, and i've seen facebook statuses updated about all of their plans, but they never invited me

[littpiski]

what you wrote is what i try to say every day...except you have infinitely more eloquence than i. what i've noticed is that a lot of people tell me to chill the fuck out. and then a lot of times i feel like my intensity is wasted, or mostly misused into feeding my neuroticism. also: i think my low self-esteem is a defense mechanism for checking the fact that i'm pretty self-centered. anyways, if you ever want to talk about this i would be really really curious to find out who this is...and we can be awkward together (although i'm sure this defeats the point of anonymous posting).

the other thing: it makes me wonder where all the people who would appreciate the intense are.