But it gets so hard at night ... i dont want to die.. i just cant continue on.. and I tried all the fixes.. .. she hasnt texted me yet... i guess ill go under tomorrow and try again... she wont come home ofc... but i havta try one last time...

.

All the good parts, what few there were, are in the past. Only a few random pale echoes exist in the future, only to punctuate/ exaggerate the constant terror and sorrow ahead.

Ive failed everyone... or will soon...

Delaying my last day.. but its getting worse and worse.. the good tikes only last a couple days, a few hours ... i think thos time ill actually succeed. Its scary. ... i just wanted to be happy, and make someone else happy... i guess that was too much to ask :(

Its back
No rage rants
Just thicc hopelessness
Nothings going to go well
You cant replace happiness that was never real
Ill suffer until i end it
No more crys for help
No more notes, letters, or journals
Just and end to unending misery

The Universe has a very short window to surprise me, and im done pushing the envelope..

This time, shes gonna have to ( Read more... )

Reseda apt pool, gija in flosties, tonir on a oufferfisj, photo polaroid quiality, gina yellowtan tint. Tomjr highliter blue

Im busy enjyong life

I did die a month ago. Somebody did. Im here now. Living my values.

Not a lot of news. Told Moe a few truths she didnt like. Her deceptiveness is .. apalling. And i cant have thst anymore. Im okay moving on.

Ive been texting moe. Got the bad news, shes still w that dude and not coming home.

Im reeling. Tailspin. Feel sick to my stomach.

Shes never read any of my stuff. Shes not checking in.

I cant even cry. I feel stupid, foolish. Blinded by love, missing the reality.

She doesnt want to come home. I dont want to endure without her.

I will. Probably. But it ( Read more... )

Set up the painting zone ... took my run. Felt bad, but i didnt backslide either. Felt pretty good.

I realized ive been holding back. I havnt done everything / enough to secure the future i want... got a few clever ideas moving forward ;)

And ofc i shouldn't be fucking with my meds, either direction.

Imma do the intention candle again. Well, eat, then ( Read more... )

I dont even know where we left off. Looks like i never had an audience. I need someone to talk to and all my someones... i cant.

Im very temoted to purchase a firearm and turn it in myself. Im trying to paint rn, play video games.. something.

I know its temporary. Withdrawals are heavy.

Talked to moe, sent more sappy posts. No reply. It changes ( Read more... )