Can we all agree never to say the Boston bomber's names? Not to deny attention, but because they are unpronounceable.

In seven years of teaching, only twice have I spilled beer on a students exam.

I'm not sure why they keep saying this is the first Super Bowl that has two brothers as head coach. Have people already forgotten about Super Bowl XLI?

I don't mean to brag, but it never takes me more than two tries to plug in an usb.

If I had a lot of money I would hire people to hold signs that said "Now Hiring".

Quick, name one interesting thing about sea horses. Not two though, that would be impossible.

I hope no one at the gym noticed that my ab routine is out of Cosmo.

When people find out that sometimes I run barefoot they always recommend a pair of shoes to me because "they feel like you are barefoot". You know what else feels like being barefoot...

Just finished the last of the Halloween candy. Good thing Easter is coming up

At late night trivia tonight the question was...."what's the inverse of the sine functions?"...and I yell out..."Inverse or reciprocal?"...Turns out they didn't expect a math professor to be in the audience..