I just thought to myself, "Man, I'm really looking forward to my adventure" and then I remembered a certain kind of adventure feeling and it filled me with dread. Also the name of this song I'm listening to.

Man, abruptly finding out that I have no job really has a way of throwing off my night. Actually, it's just been a weird night in general. Being strange, feeling strange, getting strange news. Feeling like I'm falling back into limbo. Waiting for something. A job, I guess. A schedule. An ability to plan ahead. Can't really leave the city until I ( Read more... )

These past few days have probably been some of the darkest of my life. I just feel shitty about everything. I don't know. I've probably felt this way before, but that doesn't matter.

I guess no one reads this anymore, but that's okay. I don't really have anyone to talk to and this is better than nothing. 

I'm starting to notice that I'm feeling despair. Despair and self pity and apathy. No easy way out of that. I guess I just can't let that matter and somehow keep my mind together and in a useful place as much as possible.

Being lost can make you feel pretty free, but right now I'm feeling claustrophobic. 

Well, looks like it's time to talk about boners ( Read more... )

Today is going to be a good day. It's going to be the right kind of day. The kind of new normal I have to create for myself.

I had a dream this morning. I was reluctantly part of a science class which took place on an upper floor of an old building in a downtown area. Very much like Montreal, or a ruined downtown street somewhere in Europe during ( Read more... )

I don't think I really think in language. This is definitely part of the reason I'm bad at school and my writing tends to be brief and cryptic.

When I was little, my favorite toy was always a toy sword. I would always be very concerned about the construction of the sword and it's structural integrity and it's feel. I hated the cheap, soft plastic, hollow swords. They always bent when you hit something with them, and they felt light and flaccid, and cheap. I always liked the nice, solid ( Read more... )

I'm finally working out more of this big thing that has been bothering me for about a year now. I'm starting to see it for what it is: A kind of violent transitional period. Mentally, I've been working towards it for a long time, but I think the real and literal removal of myself from the education system (and the traditional middle class way of ( Read more... )

Feels like everything has stopped. I'm lost somewhere deep in montreal and, as usual, I'm not sure how I got here or how to get out. And the wander lust is back again, before the winter this time. Hmm. This is not stressing me out at the moment (well, except the wander lust part). Feels more like a puzzle. I'm better equipped for it this time. ( Read more... )