it really seems that my brain constantly loops the same few ideas and thoughts. maybe thats why i am writing things down here now, if i get them out maybe i'll stop thinking about it. i need to take responsability for who i am. th reason why i am this way is me. big break through i know, but it's a start. and somebody else isn't going to make ( Read more... )

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i've been losing weight i guess thats something good that is happening

oh to feel 18 again. i've been miserable plenty of times in my life but this so far is the worst. i've never actually waited for someone to call me like this before, which each day its getting easier to accept that you probably wont call i guess. i can deal with the fact of all this, i can understand it perfectly fine. i just cant deal with being ( Read more... )

i am really starting to hate the computer, its an excuse for me to sit here and wait for you to come online, and you never do and i just sit here and keep waiting. i dont know, i want to write to you and tell you everything i am feeling but its impossible, i wish there was a way we could talk. i need to tell you everything i am feeling and ( Read more... )

and i ran away from you from so long; trying to come up with the name you hid behind. and i guess you're much smarter than i am. because i can never come up with it. and i keep searching for the aliases that you might be...and we all have secrets...but you secrets must be more beautiful than mine...because i know; you refuse to sing..and you have ( Read more... )

hers to the days, the days were we still were young. the days we would drink. just to feel special about ourselves. and no one can possibly understand. and here i am years later...trying to convince myself that something has changed. that i am not the same. listening to the same words....theres a way out. but i'll never admit it. and i will change ( Read more... )

one word always leads in to another. and i don't want another, i am a, or is an, one kind of word guy. here i am, trying to re-live, memories, but i am not one to recycle. and tonight we buried a friend. yet again. and there'll be another day of the same. and it's not even about a remember-ance, its just another excuse to drink, and bitch about ( Read more... )

one of these days, i'll be out at the bar and someone will come up to me and ask me, aren't you alex skomra. they wont ask, don't you think you kind of look like so and so. no more censorship, its all just about the flow, keep on typing, keep on running mother fucker. yeah thats right, right now, it isn't one word, it isn't hypenated, its two words ( Read more... )

i've neglected this livejournal for years and i would like to think that its because i am no longer the 17 year old boy i was when i first made it. but, that would be just a pretty blatant lie, and while i am all about lying to people, i've been lying to myself way to long. i could go on about how shitty my life is, but i dont really think there is ( Read more... )