I was watching Blow Out on Bravo and it hit me. I have to beleive in myself. Becuase no matter how many people tell me they beleive in me and no matter how much i understand the concept- without actually beleiving it the concept it is void. Even if i don't beleive i can do certain things it doesn't matter. Even when i don't beleive i still have to ( Read more... )

With all the faithlessness and unbelief constantly bombarding me, my passion (or lack therefore) is being smothered. How can i do this by myself? Why is this so hard? Never in my life have i just been content living in this world "getting drunk and getting by" but it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Have i stopped believing in the amazing active power ( Read more... )

I had anticipated being home so much. Now that i am here i realize there is no one even remotely close to my age around me. I find myself more alone and bored than i was at school. At least at school there were people my age i could bug whenever i wanted to. Here there is nothing. Well my parents and my brother. But my parents work and mainly sleep ( Read more... )

I think one of the only people i can trust at school stole my wallet. That really scares me. I can't just brag on God as much as i want to. I am almost positive that it was her. Things are going to be different with her and i from now on. This world is sick.

He prays every night
Dear God won't you send
someone here who will love me

Who will love me for me
Not for what i have done
Or what i will become
Who will love me for me

He's the man... who regrets what he's done
Oh Lord forgive me

I've watched you suffer all of your life
Now that you will listen
I will tell you that i love you for you

I wonder what life would be like without me ( Read more... )

Is regret enough
Will it make things change
Or led me back to your arms

To hate myself, and love another
Or love myself, in isolation of another

Endure only to run dry
Give up only to live

When is enough good enough
Or will enough never be

Changing intentions
Pure perversity ( Read more... )

I'm not sure if i like being home. I don't know that i am felt this empty and useless in a long time. My life is so good why can't i just see that. WHen am i going to truly live? Why does this happiness and sorrow fluctuate as it does. I just want to be okay with my and life for more than a few days so i can start getting my life together for one ( Read more... )

Why is it that when i am with him i lose my vision...i lose my purpose. When i am with him i begin to question God's calling on my life. I think my dream nothing more than foolish hopes. Why would i give everything I want up for some guy? It aggravates me how this so easily happens. I can't think about it anymore. I need to go to bed.

My week had been horrible, i spent almost my whole bank account of binging food because i was so depressed. Then i went shopping to get this thing i so wanted. On the way there i was missing my grandma so much. I just keep on thinking how much i didn't want to live anymore. We stopped at a gas station and I left my wallet in the gas station ( Read more... )