My Directorial Debut as HUGE success!  A packed house the second night voted us Audience Favorite, which means that my cast gets a little payment for their work.  Really felt jazzed, surrounded by friends afterwards.  Aside from a few technical screw-ups due to me not being in the booth, I was very, very pleased with the amazing work my cast did.   ( Read more... )

Between my clients and my agency, my non-existent acting career and my personal life, I'm completely and utterly screwed.  Killing myself to break even.  How the hell is this worth it?

When I think back the nearly 10 years to the day I graduated and began living in this City, the one thing I failed to appreciate was the joy of living life without obligation.  

6 AM -- Wake up.  Do leftover dishes from last night.  Change dishwasher contents.  Make coffee.  Make fresh OJ with new juicer and then clean juicer when finished.  Check email for 5 minutes.  Shower, shave ( Read more... )

So, I didn't get it.  If I can't book a project that's already stacked in my favor, putting in my best efforts, then what's the goddamn point?  It's just one more proof that, as an actor, I'm only good for standing in the background making other people look good, and as a human being, I'm only worth the measly pay I can get sorting other people's ( Read more... )

I think often what I'd do with a winning lottery prize.  Beyond taking care of those I love, I really think I would just change my name, get into my car and start driving...and not stop until there was nowhere left to go.

Seriously, the 10 stories between the roof of the building where I work and the sidewalk are looking far too inviting. 

It's become obvious to me that in order to keep things going as they are, I must accept and embrace Depression as my new default.

Some very fun remixes.  Especially like the Star Wars one. 

Really pushing back suicidal thoughts today and trying to focus on those things which need to be done for the next few days.