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So yeah I am kinda unsure as to how I feel about this whole loving a person thing. It's supposed to be the time in your life that you are your happiest...so that means I shouldn't be upset right now...right? For me, loving him is both the best and the worst thing in the world. I love loving him, I love being with him, and I love who he is. But ( Read more... )

Have you ever had one of those mind numbing moments where you feel as though you've been ripped from your own center of gravity? Where all of the sudden, what was up is now down, and everything that was right is now so unbelievably wrong? Where you doubt every single component of your so-called life, up to that strained belief that you are in fact ( Read more... )

I'm talking to a girl right now, she just IMed me cause she saw my name on a website. Wanna guess what kind of website? Yeah, an Eating Disorder one. I don't even feel like myself anymore, all I am is one of...them.....My parents are gonna take away my car and make me quit riding if I don't start going to treatment full time again. And if I don' ( Read more... )

Yeah so finally Colleen is posting on her livejournal! Can you believe it? Ok a lot of things have changed! I'm going out with Eric and Denise is dating Nick. Very weird, huh? But its even weirder because its actually working. In a new and awkward way. Like I still sometimes do a double take when I see Nick and Denise holding hands, but they are ( Read more... )

I just need this
to be all right
I can't feel this
another night
If you need me
I'll be here
Half unconscious
To escape my fear
I can't take this
I've come unglued
I might breakdown
in front of you
Necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping
can't stay awake
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

I look back on my life the way one watches a badly scripted action flick, sitting at the edge of the seat, bursting out, "No, no, don't open that door! The bad guy is in there and he'll grab you and put his hand over your mouth and tie you up and then you'll miss the train and everything will fall apart!" Except there is no bad guy in this tale. ( Read more... )

I got my AP Euro exam grade today.

I suck.

Words might as well be mine..

loving someone else is always so much easier
But I hold myself hostage in the mirror
Won't somebody please
Hold me
Release me
Show me
The meaning of mercy
Let me just fly.
Let me fly
Let me fly.