It seems to me that I’ve wanted to be so many different things over the years. I wanted to represent myself the way culture dictated in the way I dressed, the music I listened to, the people I knew, and who I loved. I think even now I don’t let myself be what I want, because I’m afraid that I might loose friends, people I like, even some if my ( Read more... )

I am surrounded by my weaknesses. All these things around me that compose my conceptualization of what life in this world is likely false. The more I learn the less I am sure of. I was thinking today about how people are not very god worthy. What I mean is man is not anywhere near what a perfect creator could create or if I were he, would have ( Read more... )

Last night I went to this club called Oasis. At first I didn't want to go. I ended up going though because I thought that dancing would make me feel better. The club itself was straight out of a movie. It was this old splintering building. They played good music though and since no one there really caught my eye I could just loose myself in the ( Read more... )

Tonight was a really positive expereince all and all. I went to tiger heat, and although it wasn't the mecca of gay life that i expected it to be. I did realize thought that I went there expecting to hook up with someone hot, or at least dance with some quality strangers.I guess im really too tired to write a whole entry on my entire night but all ( Read more... )

Yes so it is officially Christmas and I am in good spirits. I'm tired from organizing and sorting, but I feel so much more relaxed. About a week ago I thought about where I was headed in my life. I need to take my life more seriously, stop putting off what I feel is really important. I think that because the New Year is close at hand I have been ( Read more... )

I have been out here in San Bernardino for almost a whole quarter of school and although its had its ups and downs, its been amazing. Thanksgiving without my family was actually surprisingly great. I went with a friend and wasn't sure how I'd feel, it being my first holiday away from home. I absolutely fell in love with his family though, and it ( Read more... )

I woke up at 6:45 to shoot the music video for Lobster Records today. The shoot isn't till 9, but with makeup and just pure excitement, I couldn't sleep any more. I'm going to play two parts I think this HS boy, and then I'll be in this street scene. I was going to go to the beach afterwards, but I just don't see how I'm going to get through it all ( Read more... )

upadte soon

It took me a few days to bounce back from it all but I feel good about life again. I feel like now is as good of a time as ever to just stop analyzing everything that happens to me and just try to go with life more seamlessly. I woke up this morning and I felt good for once. I slept, got work done, went to class, and I feel as if I'm getting more ( Read more... )

I am feeling slightly better today, yet I can't stop thinking about the night before. I woke up this afternoon and said to myself that It wasn't anyone's fault that I had a bad night that lived with me and that I wasn't going to put them through me being in a bad mood. I always let the feelings from one day slip into the next and this is the first ( Read more... )