the DREAMS, the DREAMS, the DREAMS....my screaming subconscious
infuriated by the acquiescing ego, slave to the super
from the moment my eyes roll back in my head, my id explodes,
and I'm forced to witness, unblinking, the technicolor hurricane
that really is my mind.
Punishing my stubborn waking censure.

I am imperfect, and you leapt at the opportunity to point it out ( Read more... )

everything has changed ( Read more... )

when you outright disrespect me, and seem to show no regard, you lose me.

goodbye, 2009
all the uneccesary hurt, self-loathing, memories of false friends, false happiness and generally a year of delusion.
goodbye to all the bowls smoked and joints rolled, a month and still strong, though still a resolution to stay clean...
the lines straight to the brain, the fumes i'd naturally vomit from, the pills and the booze, that ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

i told myself i knew better, and i know better now; i don't
          i miss you so, 
like the midwest summer misses rain
i've come to terms with many things: i'm not who i thought i was
i won't be what I wanted; it was never what I needed
but now I see the things I looked down upon
were only down the center of my nose, as i was
standing in the things i ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

( Read more... )

Really....really?
Steve Sarich offered me a spot in his magazine Perfect 10, and wanted to help me get into Penthouse, it'll be a piece of cake, he said.

And I said, no thank you, but I'm flattered really.

And it feels really great to have not even had to think about it, and have been able to say no to something.