i want to tell him everything, to find a moment's release in his understanding.

this has just been going on far too long and is just so goddamn unnecessary, i need the time away from him.

don't worry about me, it'll only be temporary.

i really hope he's not mad.
i love him and care about him more than life.

food is such a significant part of my day to day, socially and by interest.
which makes this really hard.

even while my blackberry gets bbm, msn, facebook and twitter, i feel undeniably lonely

i believe in attraction and i believe in affection
i believe in obsession and genuinely caring a lot about someone
but i don't believe in love.

its too hard because theres too much i love about him.
i have to give him up.

this feeling is inexplainable but it consumes me, entirely.

FUCK! i'm back to fucking square one.

After i was bedridden and bawling over him, and then was over it.
and now i'm back to where i was.

Testing post from blackberry
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

i want to drop 20 pounds and it's killing me that i can't do it. i don't care if i'm miserable, i don't care if i almost kill myself from exhaustion and starvation, i'm going to do it. it's too important to me in a nonhealthy, obsessive compulsive way.