i am in love. it's amazing. and best of all, he makes me want to stop doing my eating disorder and stop cutting. he tells me i am beautiful at least once every day. and i can tell he means it. he heard me saying something about how i need to get back to the gym because i am lazy and got fat, and he said, "don't lose one pound. you are absolutely ( Read more... )

fat. no matter what i weigh i feel like a freakin cow. it will never feel like enough. i know this because i have been here so many times before. at 210 i was fat, at 120 i was fat. at 112 i was fat. at 102 i was. when i get to 95, i will still be fat. when will it ever be enough ( Read more... )

i feel like shit. i ate like shit today, and i can't purge. ugh. i want to cry. i can't stand feeling like this. i hate late nights. grrrrrr.

when I was at church on sunday, we had a pot luck afterwards. I went, and I ate about 500 cals. I went in the bathroom and purged, and my friend called later and said that her husband asked her if I made myself puke at the dinner. HOW THE HECK DID HE KNOW?? he heard me talking to his wife about it last year, although i was only referring to it like ( Read more... )

i feel like crap all of the sudden. i did great with eating today. but out of the blue i feel really depressed and want to SI. i have been doing pretty good about not doing that, but the urge is almost unbearable at the moment. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! i hate that feeling of wanting to do it, but at the same time not wanting to.

i have been eating too much lately. i am back up to 110. ewww. starting the master cleanser tomorrow, and besides that i will only have water ( Read more... )

i feel like shit. grrrr. i have been eating mostly normal the past few days, and i have actually lost weight!! but i still feel shitty. i want to get to 96lbs. i weigh 103 right now.

besides, when i eat normal i tend to SI a lot. and that sucks in the summer time :(

think thin girls!!

i cant wait to leave for utah!! i am so excited i can't sleep ( Read more... )

havent posted in a while.

okay so now my weight is at 112. wheeeeeee!!!!

so today i ate about 1/2 cup of peas.

thats it. it took forever to eat it, and it made me relaly full since this is the first thing a ate since the 22nd.

fruits and veggies only for a month starting today. i will drink soy milk for protien, but of course the reduced fat kind.