Depths

[lovesmonet]

I am in the depths of everything: despair, sorrow, rage, starvation, obsessive power walking and most of all, loneliness. The loneliness really hurts. And my mind is stuck ruminating about both kids being off at uni in the fall and my truly being alone. In all my years, I have not been able to form friendships with anyone. I have tried in the past

Comments

[hostage_of_hope]

Don't feel like you shouldn't spew "negativity". This is your life, we are here to read about you, and to be your friend, and offer encouragement. I'm sorry that you are struggling. I'm sorrier that your husband doesn't seem to notice or care. I hope that you are able to find happiness. I hope that you are able to hold onto the day that you become a grandmother and have all of those motherly moments all over again.

I am sorry you feel like you are friendless. That is hard. I have very few friends. It's really hard on a person after a while. I mostly have online friends and phone friends, very few people to actually go out and hang out with. Even fewer that actually can relate or understand me. Most seem to run off at the first sign of a mental illness. Which is hard to deal with.

hugs. I hope that you have a better day than you think you are going to have. Have fun watching your daughter get dressed up and go out! What a milestone to see. And there will be many more to come! hugs

[lovesmonet]

Thank you for your kind and supportive words. Life seems so dark right now. I think I will be taking myself to the hospital after I see my daughter in her dress tomorrow afternoon. Husband will be annoyed but...

[bookgurrl]

Don't worry about husband. Worry about YOU.

[lovesmonet]

He will be so annoyed. I think he would prefer it if I permanently disappeared. I will email you later. I will probably change my mind a million times about the hospital between now and then.

[bookgurrl]

I agree with hostage - you aren't spewing negativity. And we are here to support to you

[lovesmonet]

Thank you for your kindness and support. I think I will see my daughter in her dress tomorrow at 430 and then take myself to the hospital. That's what I'm thinking right now, anyway.

[bookgurrl]

I'm so relieved. Please take good care. I'll miss you while you are gone and I'll look forward to the return of a healthier you.

[lovesmonet]

I probably won't go in the end. I just can't fathom another psych ward stay...probably preceded by some hydration, glucose etc. it's just so brutal.

[craycraytheysay]

I agree with the others. You are doing NOTHING you should only feel remotely guilty for. What a cruel world that would be (and is, in parts) where no one is allowed to utter negative feelings. Life isn't always amazing. If it's wrong to say this, this will only breed more misery.
I'm sorry you are so lonely. That must be very painful. I wish I had advice on how to make friends but I don't know. I don't have friends other than the ones I have 'left' from school-times, and they didn't 'get' me when I was at my lowest.
Just know we are all here for you. Everyone says what others them here, and it's ok.

[lovesmonet]

You make a very good point which is very pertinent to the relationship I have with my husband: neither of us express negative feelings. All of our anger remains unexpressed, boiling just beneath the surface. Very unhealthy and it makes me very ill. It is not good for him either.

[milf_academy]

oh, girl. this makes me so sad. I consider you my friend, as I'm sure the others here do. I would love to spend time with you if I could! honestly, I don't have a whole lot of friends, either. I have I have a few, but no CLOSE, best friends. you girls on here know more about me than even my husband. than my own family

[lovesmonet]

Thank you so much for your kind words and concern. You're absolutely right; I shouldn't worry about what husband thinks about it. I should get help for myself. I hope I can take that step tomorrow.

[kmwilly]

You have friends here and I am sure if you would open up and be yourself in real life like you are here, you would find some good friends there. My guess is that you try to be what you think other people expect you to be, which is a LOT of work, so you give up and distance yourself. I am sure you try to isolate, just like I do, but it gets very lonely. You really need the hospital to help improve your mental and physical well being, I am really worried about you :( I survived having 5 liters of fluid pumped in my body in just 18 hours and I felt so much better after! The problem is keeping that momentum, I am failing but you have a real chance if you go into the hospital. Go straight after the prom pictures, etc tomorrow ok?

[lovesmonet]

Thank you for your support....but you must not let yourself fail. You must keep fighting. Please keep going with making sure you are hydrated and getting some nourishment. How is husband these days? Is he being supportive? I am so glad you got to the hospital in time. Things could have turned tragic if you didn't. Hugs.