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(Untitled)
I had a drug and alcohol evaluation. Told the Mr. Gentleman how I left a party drunk, went off the road, ran from the police, then turning myself in (in reverse order.) I didn't know what else to say. We both agreed that I didn't need any further treatment ( Read more... ) -
It's not all sadness, really.
It evades even my understanding, the faces we play. Alone, secluded, I feel real, on a number of levels. I feel alone. It is quiet. I can't hold myself up to even the demented levels of achievement anymore. There is just a pile, motionless, unproductive, just existing. Elsewhere, real-world delimas cause me to push all that away. Wear the smile, ( Read more... ) -
How do you move?
There are those times when you have alot going through your mind. Tiny specifics about material unrelated except for the personal strings that weakly connects the linear progression of thoughts. No, not even ideals, just pure thoughts of different subjects. I never dig into a topic deeply, only move with it to the random fires that it spreads to, ( Read more... ) -
Right now.
I figure I should post now as to leave a marking point in my personal history. Something that isn't overwhelmingly sad or overly critical (basically, me not complaining.) I am about to start a two year probation by meeting my probation officer tomorrow in the early morning, followed by work. I am going part time at ICC, having switched my major ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Where have all the people gone? The people who I expected anything from are liars and losers, much more than I am. One feat which I thought was difficult to cross over too. I may be a loser, but I don't look my friends in the face and lie for meaningless means. They cast away any real meaning, and build the nonsense. The funny jokes and recognition ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I don't really know how I am supposed to be feeling, or rather how I am expected to be feeling. When I consider how I look at other people's lives, I don't harbor much interest nor much compassion. Maybe just the fleeting notion of, "that sucks." I guess it is all about how far you are zoomed in on everyone. At a distance, everyone is apart of ( Read more... ) -
I don't know what I'm saying
I sit at home, when ever not working or attending the few classes I have. I have new regrets, as often as the seasons change. Just as those seasons come and go and pass again, so do my outlooks, distraught, until I fall hard, and pass time in regression. Every year marks a new fucked up position of confusion and searching. This time, it’s not over ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
there are times, where as i want to do is drink. just a nice drink, to smooth things over. to settle the mind from the pressure of mind games. it is a strong pull. just to have the taste roll down my tongue. have to fizzle fall over me. the feeling we all know and enjoy. -
Psychobabble
Somethings seems to reoccur when me and my dad watch a movie together. Certain movies end, and he says things like, "Man, that was a depressing movie." We watched The Man Who Wasn't There, a great Cohen Brothers movie, all black and white, featuring great use of light and shadow throughout. Bad things happen to the main character, and he doesn't ( Read more... ) -
Nostalgia
Nostalgia is my worst enemy and biggest weakness.