Comments | luckyduck

luckyduck_08

jealousy

Apr 07, 2010 13:00

I'm keeping this post public because this is an essential part of who I am and it gives everyone a brief peek into the kind of person I am. Atrocious as it is.

( very long, but one of the most impotant things that I have ever written )

public post, feelings of insecurity

Comments 61

billyramone April 7 2010, 19:37:12 UTC

nice post. i feel kind of the same way, though i'm a lot older than you. i've never been exceptional at anything, really. i focus on music, but i'm not really that good at music stuff...but i stick with it and i play multiple instruments (not that well) and record (again, not that well) quite often.

my grades have always been average, my looks are average (i've always had a bit of a belly and it's always bugged me). i've never been good at sports, really. in fact, i haven't even done anything with my life. i'm pretty much a big loser. oh, and i never went to parties or even had many friends. i'm a weirdo. i'm starting to wonder why i'm even writing all this. haha. oh well.

but, anyway, just know you're not alone. you seem to know how to express yourself well, you're smart, you're active with tennis, and you're lovely. be careful with the weight thing, though.

luckyduck_08 April 7 2010, 19:53:58 UTC

if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? because you talk about school a lot, so does that mean you're in college? you're not that much older than me then

i don't know you all that well, but you're not a loser, i promise you that :)
and i think that you being in a band without the intention of trying to "make it big" is pretty cool! <3

billyramone April 7 2010, 19:56:05 UTC

i'm in college, but i took many years off of school at one point. i'm 30. i've been doing music stuff since i was about 14, i guess.

luckyduck_08 April 7 2010, 19:57:46 UTC

is it weird to be in classes with teenagers/people in their early twenties?

Thread 7

digital_skin April 7 2010, 20:28:38 UTC

I get it, and I know it's pretty pointless to tell you to accept yourself. Something that has helped me towards that, however, is to remember that what you see of yourself is really not what other people see. It might be close(ish), but scrutinising one's self constantly for years is going to give a warped view. It just will, even in relatively confident women. Simultaneously, commercial media is relentlessly photoshopped - the models themselves don't even look like that. Perhaps these things make the gap between us and the ideal of beauty seem far bigger...

One thing I can't empathise with is the pressure to whiteness, and it must be absolutely horrible. I don't know what else to say on that.

i have a big dark side too shannonkringen April 12 2010, 08:12:20 UTC

i relate to having a lot of jealousy.

can i recomentd a book called "feed your deons" it might help

i made a video about feeding your demons. let me know if you wanna see it

Re: i have a big dark side too shannonkringen April 12 2010, 08:14:55 UTC

i meant "feed your demons"

here is my video on feeding your demons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok71LiZzOG0

and here is the book link
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Feeding-Your-Demons/Tsultrim-Allione/e/9780316013130

Re: i have a big dark side too luckyduck_08 April 13 2010, 00:28:11 UTC

i'm sorry, i don't have time to watch it now, as i'm in a huge rush, but i'm definitely going to watch it after i finish this one assignment!

thanks for all your caring comments by the way and the empathy you've shown me. i hope i can someday help you out like you've done for me :)

Re: i have a big dark side too shannonkringen April 13 2010, 02:29:00 UTC

i am glad my words gave you some comfort!

and no worries on watching the video. if you want to go for it. if not that is fine too!

kittenkissies April 26 2010, 07:46:57 UTC

You may never be the prettiest, but you are very beautiful!!! Very! If I was young, I would be honored and enthusiastic to be with you.
And, yes, it is an old chestnut to say that if someone does not love you for what is inside you, then they are not worth you, but it is true.
However, I do not think your jealousy will ever entirely go away. My hope for you is that you will either learn to make fun of it a bit, or treat it as some fallback for pity times, and wear it like a scar.
DAMN it is hard to type at this font! Jeez.
You are more than the sum of your parts.

luckyduck_08 April 27 2010, 02:12:54 UTC

haha you do know i'm attracted to the older guys and NOT the young ones!

well that chestnut you speak of is very true. it sort of sucks waiting for that guy, but i'm willing.

i hope i can poke fun of my jealousy at times too! :)

theultimate42 April 27 2010, 01:22:28 UTC

Very well thought out and also very well written. We are always our own harshest critics and seldom do we heed the words of others when it comes to our own insecurities. I could tell you that you are indeed beautiful, I could tell you that anyone would be lucky to be with you, I could tell you that you are already far above about 90% of the girls I see on the internet all the time in intelligence and insight and also I could tell you that you are worth talking to. Unfortunately anything I do say will mean nothing unless you actually believe it yourself one day. This is something we all must go through in order to find our own worth and it is exactly that, we must find that one thing that assures us of who we really are so I hope that you do in fact find it sooner than later. :)

luckyduck_08 April 27 2010, 01:56:14 UTC

it is a problem-being our most severe critics, yes, but isn't that better than thinking you're the shit?
you're right, i might not necessarily believe all that you say, but i can appreciate it. and i really do.
maybe in ten years i'll update this, and i'll be very happy and confident with the girl i am! :)

theultimate42 April 27 2010, 03:49:33 UTC

The difficulty you are facing is in that you are still young and do not quite have that measure of experience yet to know who you truly are. Once you know that then the insecurities fade away like a sandcastle on the beach when the tide comes in. Unfortunately it is often times that it is through difficulties and hardships that bring these things out in you and it is in the way you face them that the test is written. I know of 30, 40 and even 50 year olds that still don't know who they are and have never made any progress from their youth. Either their life is easy or they constantly run away from their difficulties and so nothing of value is achieved. You at your age already have a head start because you are consciously aware of things, are bright enough to know it and although you can't see what is ahead of you right now I believe you have what it takes (through my limited creepy stalking abilities!) to do just fine in life. How does that saying go? May you have enough difficulties to make life interesting. No one on the ( ... )