[avengers big bang] fic: never say never; part four
Notes/Reference Post here.
Never Say Never
===============
It had taken Tony far longer than he had thought to convince Steve to actually go to class in the morning, although somewhere deep down he knew he shouldn't be surprised. Steve had remained at his side for far longer than he had ever expected, but his willingness to simply continue still amazed him. How could he even want to? he would wonder more often than not.
Tony needed some time alone, though. He needed time to think, because the gears in his head were already turning quickly as he tried to find a solution to his health dilemma. All he could think of were Steve's words, how he couldn't lose him, and Tony just couldn't let him down.
And, he couldn't lose him, either.
So, while Steve was in school, Tony tried to spend the part of the mornings that weren't occupied with physical therapy drawing schematics on loose sheets of paper that he had nurses bring to him despite their insistence that he should rest. The pain along his arms was hard to deal with as he worked, especially since he had asked for a lower dosage of pain medication than what they had been giving him, but it was a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.
A few days after the heart attack scare, when he could sit up on his own without getting dizzy, Tony took this time to make it to the bathroom by himself to change into some of the clothes that Steve had brought for him. He avoided the mirror as much as possible, but he couldn't avoid the glimpses of his skin as he undressed and pulled on some pants. He could see the bruises and the lacerations that were still healing, the incision along his sternum where the doctor had opened him up. It was enough to make him lightheaded again, but he held on tightly to the sink and the IV cart that had also served to carry the pacemaker in order to remain upright.
"Tony," he heard Steve call out from the room, and Tony cursed under his breath as he finished carefully zipping up the hoodie that he already knew wasn't his. It smelled of Steve, though, and that alone helped him feel better.
Using the IV cart for support, he walked out of the bathroom and smiled sheepishly when Steve gave him a 'why in the hell are you up' look.
"Hospital fashion isn't my thing," Tony explained, letting Steve help him back to bed. "Not that sweat pants are, either, but they are far more comfortable anyway." It wasn't until he was seated that he realized how winded he had become, and he had to take a moment to just focus on breathing again. Once he managed to do so, he turned to Steve, who had sat next to him and was looking at him in concern. "I'm fine."
"You could have waited and asked for help."
"I wanted to do something alone. Sorry I took your hoodie, I... It was loose enough for the pacemaker, and for the bandage change later."
Steve finally smiled at that, even if it was obvious he was still concerned. "It's fine. I'm glad it fit." His eyes ventured to the sketches on the night stand, and he raised an eyebrow. "I see you've been busy."
As Steve stood to get the sketches, Tony watched him go over them while he sank back into his pillow.. "Yeah. It's to help with my heart."
"What do you mean?"
"It's an electromagnet. We have a big one that powers my factory in California." His expression tightened for a moment, but he ignored how Steve looked at him by pointing at the design. "That one is miniaturized, though."
"So instead of a pacemaker you'd be hooked onto this?"
"No, it'll go in me."
The way that it was so casually said made Steve turn to Tony at once. "Wait. In you?"
"Well, yeah. In my chest, to be exact."
"A magnet. In your chest."
"I need to talk to Dr. Yinsen--"
"No."
"I don't have a hell of a lot of choices, Steve. It's this or letting the shrapnel kill me, because nothing is going to be strong enough to hold this forever." He smiled, but it was void of all humor. "I designed the weapons, after all. I know what that blast was supposed to do."
Steve sat down next to him, his eyes trailing back to the designs in his hands and staying silent for what felt like hours. Finally, "And it'll work?"
"It should."
"That's not very convincing." He set the papers down, and turned to look at Tony. "Is there anything I can do?"
Tony grinned slightly. "Actually, yes. I need the actual blueprints and my tablet. Pepper could get the tablet, but the blueprints are in a specific hard drive in my office. And...I'd rather not tell anyone about this yet. Could you get them? I'll give you all the passwords."
Steve seemed to hesitate for a moment. "You trust me with all that?"
"I'm pretty sure you've earned that trust with all you've been doing, Rogers." His smile softened, and he gave a nod. "Yes. I trust you. I trust Pep too, obviously, but I just... I want to wait until I'm sure it will work. And it's either you getting them, or I break out of this place on my own." He grinned again. "You choose."
Steve rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile as well. "You're a brat, you know that?"
Tony stole a quick kiss before shrugging innocently. "So I've been told."
***
Even if Tony had managed to convince Steve to not be in the hospital all hours of the day, Steve still didn't go to his classes. Instead he'd spend the day trying to find out about the Super Soldier program that Nick Fury had mentioned. Now that Tony was awake it was easier for him to go back to that conversation, no matter how hard it was still to believe that it was real. How his father had been alive and fighting during World War II. How he had known Tony's grandfather, and father. How he was the Super Soldier that had always sounded more like a myth than an actual reality. While Steve had been in the service he had heard of it, anyone in the military knew about it, but it had been his understanding that he had long disappeared.
Looking back on it, Steve realized while going through old newspaper articles that had documented some of Captain America's actions, he had disappeared around the time Steve's mother had died.
Steve still had no idea what to think. How to react. How does one react to news like that? He had always figured he had known his father, but the fact that he had been the Super Soldier he had heard so much about, that he had been Captain America... He had tried to go through his father's old belongings, try to find some hint of that past life he had barely found out about, but Joseph had been very careful in leaving behind any evidence. Had he taken care of that while Steve was overseas? he couldn't help but wonder. Did he ever plan on telling him? Had he even wanted to?
On the drive to the Stark Industries campus in Manhattan, Steve avoided the paparazzi as much as possible. Never in his life did he ever imagine that to be a problem, but after the first month of 'marriage' with Tony he had started to get the hang of it. Now, after learning to avoid the media each time he left the hospital, he considered himself an expert and he tried to make the drive on his motorcycle as undetected as possible.
The staff at Stark Industries recognized him at once, though, especially as he made his way to the elevator so he could go to Tony's office. The instructions had been simple enough: go to his office, access the private archives and download the information into a hard drive so Tony could work on it. A list of passwords and codes had been given, and Steve just repeated them in his head to avoid the glances and stares that followed him the entire way, along with the Isn't that Mr. Stark's husband? whispers that resonated along the walls.
The ride to the top floor felt eternal, but once he was in Tony's office he quickly made his way to his desk. Everything was in such perfect detail that Steve couldn't help but smile, because he already knew it was all organized thanks to Pepper. There was no way in hell Tony kept his desk in such perfect order - he had seen his workshop, after all. But, as the computer booted up, it wasn't the organizational skills that caught his eye. It was how bare the walls looked, how there were no personal touches anywhere in that office. How, if he wouldn't have been instructed on where to go, he would have never thought this was Tony's office.
With Tony's instructions and passwords, it was easy to log on to the server and enter the electronic archives that contained the files Tony needed. As Steve waited for the files to download onto the flash drive that Tony had mentioned to use, though, he noticed a drive labeled as H Stark and for a second he just froze. The conversation that he had with Nick Fury echoed in his mind for what felt like a millionth time, and Steve couldn't help but wonder if maybe information on his father would be in there. It should be, right? Fury had mentioned how Howard Stark had worked with him. It could contain information on the Super Soldier that Steve had never known, not in the capacity that he should, and...
Before he could think twice about his decision, he found himself trying to access Howard's files but a window asking him for new passwords stopped him. Under any other circumstance he would have never even thought to access any information that he knew should stay private, but his desperation to find something, anything, on his father's secret life made it hard to think clearly. Sighing in frustration, trying to keep himself from trying any of the passwords Tony had given him, Steve focused only on finishing his tasks so he could go back to the hospital.
Maybe, if he were to tell Tony the whole situation, maybe he would help. Neither one had gone into full detail about their fathers, each of them for reasons that never allowed them to even hint at anything other than superficial information, but maybe if he asked Tony would help.
Maybe...
***
"You've been quiet," Tony noted as Steve seemed to stare blankly at the television screen while sitting on the sofa in the room. Noticing the way that he just blinked over to him, as if he hadn't even heard the actual comment, made Tony frown slightly in concern as he set down the tablet he had been working on. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Tired, I guess."
"If you want to go home and get some actual sleep..."
"No, it..." Steve smiled, even if Tony could tell how it didn't seem to reach his eyes at all. "It's not that. How are the designs going? Did the files help?"
For a moment Tony didn't answer, staring at Steve as if trying to figure out why he was acting so strangely, but he looked down at the tablet where the design he had been working on laid unfinished. "Yeah. Kind of hard to work with...you know." He raised his bandaged hand slightly, a small wry smile on his face to hide the fact that he was getting frustrated at not being able to work like he was used to. In his workshop, with his tools and not just a tablet and what felt like borrowed Stark Industries information. It should feel like his - he and his father had designed it, after all - but all he could think of was Obadiah.
The probation. What if the explosion had been the last straw, even if he hadn't caused it?
The pacemaker. What if it didn't work, and he couldn't figure out a solution?
There were so many scenarios, most of which resulted in him losing the company, and it was all a race against the clock in an effort to figure things out before the shrapnel killed him.
Just as he was about to tell Steve that they should find a movie and not do anything for the rest of the night, the door to his room flung open and Obadiah just smiled as he walked in while Steve simply sighed under his breath and turned back to the television. The smile that grew on the older man's face was fake, though; Tony knew it and it made his insides twist as he tried to figure out what was coming next. "Hi, Obie."
The same smile was given to him as Obadiah turned back to Tony. "My boy. I think we need to have a talk."
It was about the board, Tony couldn't help but think. The board was planning on blaming him for the explosion. The board was going to shut him out. The anxiety that Tony could feel rise inside him was tightly reined in as much as he could, but he had the suspicion that Steve could see right through the facade he was putting up for Obadiah because he could feel his stare on him as if saying, it's okay. Just breathe.
Except, he couldn't. "Okay," Tony said with a nod and trying to sound as calm and confident as possible. "What is it?"
"We had a small breach of security. Or an attempt, I should say. Someone logged in with your information to the server--"
"Oh!" Tony felt his shoulders sag with relief, and he smiled. "No, it wasn't a breach. I asked Steve to do it." The look that Obadiah gave him made Tony frown, unable to ignore the sudden flashback to his childhood. He could see that same look on Howard, and it made his blood run cold. "It's no big deal," he just said instead, now trying to sound as casual as possible. "I needed some designs for something I'm working on."
"What designs?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Were they in your father's files?"
The question made Tony frown in confusion. "What? No, Obie. We really did have an attempt to break through security, then. Have you tried narrowing down who it was?"
Steve, who had been watching the scene quietly, couldn't stay silent anymore. Especially at the look on Obadiah's face, who seemed to be enjoying informing Tony of the news a little too much. "I'm sorry, I... It was me."
Tony's look of confusion only grew at that, looking between both of them. "It was probably a mistake, right? I mean, you probably got confused while you were getting the files I asked for."
"No, Tony. There was no confusion." Steve stood, ignoring Obadiah and keeping his eyes on Tony. "I wanted... I was going to talk to you about this, actually."
"When?" Obadiah interjected then, crossing his arms. "When breaking into Howard's servers didn't work? Why don't you tell him what you are really after, Mr. Rogers? What you have really been after all this time."
Steve turned to him then, his hands balling up into tight fists next to him. "You don't know what you are talking about."
"Then why don't you explain it."
"This is between Tony and I."
"Oh no, that's where you're wrong. I have been protecting this family before you were even born."
"Protecting?" Steve demanded, almost sounding like a growl under his breath. "You--"
"STOP." Tony frowned at both of them, suddenly glad that he was in bed otherwise he wasn't sure how his legs would have been able to hold him up. His whole body felt like it was made out of jell-o. "What is he talking about, Steve?"
"Tony, I don't..."
"What is he talking about?" he asked again, this time more forceful. Defensive, even, especially when Steve looked away. "Steve. What is he talking about?"
When silence was the only thing that filled the room, Obadiah took this as his opportunity to speak. "Tony, what do you know about the Super Soldier program?"
Despite the cold glare that was growing in his eyes for both Obadiah and Steve, Tony couldn't hide the puzzled look on his face at the question. "My grandfather helped with it. Dad had a hand in it as well, but I don't... Dad never shared much about that." Or anything, really, but that was not the point. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"My father was the Super Soldier," Steve finally answered, eyes locking with Tony's. "He was Captain America."
"So you thought... What..."
"He and Howard were close," Obadiah said over Steve's attempts to talk. "They worked together. Tony, you know how much your father has done for the military. But... They parted ways. 'Captain America' and Howard ceased seeing eye to eye on things, isn't that right Steve?"
"Thanks to you, yes." Steve's glare was deadly as he turned to Obadiah. "Why don't you tell it how it really happened?"
Obadiah just laughed. "Because you won't believe it. And I get it, he was your father. But he wanted to be involved in things and plans that never concerned him--"
"Don't you dare--"
"Is that why you did it?" Even if Tony's voice was low, the edge of it was enough to cut through Steve's and Obadiah's. "Is that why you--... You knew who I was. Did you see it as an easy way back in?"
Steve frowned at Tony, unable to hide the disbelief that he was believing Obadiah. "What? No. Back into what? I told you I've been out of the army. Everyone knows who you are, but I didn't... I had no idea who my father was, that he was the Super Soldier, until the day of the explosion. You have to believe me."
"Why? Why do I have to believe you?" Tony let out a bitter laugh under his breath. "Is that why you were waiting things out? Did you hope to find whatever it was your father wanted? Or did you want a cut of...what, Steve? Why? Everything has an ulterior motive."
Steve clenched his jaw shut so tightly as Tony spoke that it was a wonder his teeth didn't shatter. Then, "It's unbelievable that you are so willing to believe him. Don't you see--"
"All I see is that I don't want you here. Get out, Steve."
"No. You need to listen."
"I don't need to do anything. You need to get out. OUT."
A mixture of anger and hurt crossed Steve's face, but instead of arguing he just grabbed his leather jacket from the chair by the bed before storming out. Obadiah turned to Tony then, but Tony shook his head without even glancing at him. His eyes were suddenly just fixed on the sofa where Steve had been sitting minutes ago. "You too, Obie. Get out."
Obadiah didn't have to be told twice, but when the room was empty Tony didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do? A sea of emotions felt like they were drowning him and choking the life right out of him, and he couldn't even move.
Had Steve really been using him? Had he...
Before the thought could completely formulate itself, Tony let out a scream of frustration as he sent his tablet flying across the room. He didn't stop when the nurses rushed in to check on him, or insisted that he needed to remain calm. How they'd give him a sedative, because he shouldn't be so altered.
But Tony didn't listen. He just kept repeating the same words he had told Steve, the same ones that felt as if they tore his heart into pieces worse than the shrapnel ever could.
"Get out," he kept repeating until it felt as if his throat was raw, and the sedative the nurses finally gave him got the better of him. "Get out."
***
Tony's new way of shutting out the world once he came to the realization that the conversation with Obadiah and Steve hadn't been a nightmare was not with strong painkillers that would leave him dazed and numb, but instead he forced himself to work. He still kept his words to a minimum (getting him to even talk other than to ask Pepper for a new tablet had become impossible), and he ignored visitors and even doctors whenever they would try to talk to him, but he just wasn't interested in conversation. He needed to focus on something other than the pain that felt as if it would drive him insane, both physically and mentally, and work was the best answer for it.
Pepper didn't agree in his plan to isolate himself from the rest of the world, and she said it as much whenever she visited. Obadiah would ask what he was working on, but Tony would not answer to either one. He wouldn't even look at them.
Just get out, his attitude screamed as he hunched in bed over his tablet and worked on schematics that he wished could make bigger so he could work properly. Just get out.
"We need to talk," someone informed him one evening as he finished calculating equations, and the only reason Tony looked up was because for a moment he couldn't recognize the voice that came along with the statement. He had gotten used to Pepper and Obadiah, he was used to the nurses and his doctors, but in his attempt block out Steve Rogers from his mind, he had also shut out Bucky.
Bucky, who stood at the foot of his bed with a fiercely determined look on his face.
Tony just didn't answer, though, staring blankly at him as if he was already bored with a conversation they weren't even having yet.
This didn't stop Bucky. "You know, the first couple of days I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I figured you had gone through a traumatic experience, you bumped your head - fine, you don't have the best judgement. But what you're doing, not even listening to Steve's side of the story... You're an idiot. You owe him at least that much."
Despite his best attempts at remaining numb, the mention alone of Steve made his heart ache and he already knew it had nothing to do with the shrapnel in his chest. "I don't owe him anything."
"Do you know how much he gave up for you, to be here on a daily basis? And not even just that - do you know how much he gave up the second he agreed to stay married to you? You can't possibly be so damn selfish because, if you are, then my best friend deserves someone better than you."
"Your best friend lied to me. I don't know how much you know--"
"No, the question here is really how much do you know, and who is your source? I have known Steve all my life--"
"And I've known my 'source' all of mine."
"Are you sure you know him?"
Tony frowned then, narrowing his eyes in a glare. "Whatever it is you're implying, don't. Steve could have told me. According to him he 'found out' on the day of the explosion, right? I've been awake long enough for him to do something about it. To say something. So no, my idea of Steve doesn't change just because you're here vouching for him."
Bucky shook his head, a dry smile on his face. "You're not all that smart for being such a genius. You know what, keep doing what you're doing. Don't call Steve. Don't look for him. He deserves better."
As Bucky turned to leave, Tony just stared at the door as it closed behind him and felt his anger and frustration bubbling inside him. Just as his grasp on his tablet tightened, ready to to send it flying across the room again, the door opened and the sight of Rhodey standing at the threshold made him freeze in surprise. After the explosion, once he was awake from the mini-coma, Pepper had told him that she had kept Rhodey updated about his condition since he tried to call as often as possible. Tony had even managed to talk to him on short occasions when he was allowed and able to make phone calls, but to suddenly have him there - especially without any notice - made him just stare in disbelief. "What... What are you doing here?"
"I finally managed to get my leave approved. Pepper is a miracle worker." The smile on Rhodey's face seemed tight with worry despite his attempts at making it look normal, and he immediately walked to his best friend's bed as he took in the fading bruises and the scars where the stitches had been. His eyes lingered on the bandaged arms, but it wasn't for long because he was quick to turn back to Tony, who was also trying to look as normal as possible. Rhodey knew him for far too long to believe it, though. Dropping his bag, he sat on the bed, facing Tony and gave his shoulder a small squeeze. "Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier, if I could have..."
"I know." And he did know. But suddenly having him there, having him in front of him, Tony couldn't keep up with his attempts to avoid everything that was going on. Suddenly everything began hitting him again, and he felt himself beginning to deflate despite the smile that he plastered on his face. Clearing his throat, he shook his head as if to shake away the thoughts that were catching up to him. "How about you tell me what you've been up to? I don't think you want to hear hospital tales."
Rhodey shrugged. "You're right. I don't. I want to hear how you are doing."
"Fine."
"Tony."
"Pepper pulled strings because of the silent treatment, huh? Is that what it took?" Tony felt the way that Rhodey kept staring at him, waiting for an honest response, but instead he just gave a wry smile. "There's not much to tell. Got married. Was in an explosion. I'm..." His words failed him then, and as Rhodey kept his hand on his shoulder, it suddenly felt as if that was the only reason he was still managing to stay seated. Quietly, suddenly feeling too raw and tired to do anything else, "I just want to go home. Help me break out of here."
Rhodey's brow furrowed, obviously unsure what to answer at first. "But, your doctor..."
"If I'm going to die, I'm not going to do it here."
"You're not going to die, Tony," Rhodey said as he gave his shoulder another squeeze. After a moment, "Let me talk to your doctor. We'll see what we can do."
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Never Say Never
===============
It had taken Tony far longer than he had thought to convince Steve to actually go to class in the morning, although somewhere deep down he knew he shouldn't be surprised. Steve had remained at his side for far longer than he had ever expected, but his willingness to simply continue still amazed him. How could he even want to? he would wonder more often than not.
Tony needed some time alone, though. He needed time to think, because the gears in his head were already turning quickly as he tried to find a solution to his health dilemma. All he could think of were Steve's words, how he couldn't lose him, and Tony just couldn't let him down.
And, he couldn't lose him, either.
So, while Steve was in school, Tony tried to spend the part of the mornings that weren't occupied with physical therapy drawing schematics on loose sheets of paper that he had nurses bring to him despite their insistence that he should rest. The pain along his arms was hard to deal with as he worked, especially since he had asked for a lower dosage of pain medication than what they had been giving him, but it was a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.
A few days after the heart attack scare, when he could sit up on his own without getting dizzy, Tony took this time to make it to the bathroom by himself to change into some of the clothes that Steve had brought for him. He avoided the mirror as much as possible, but he couldn't avoid the glimpses of his skin as he undressed and pulled on some pants. He could see the bruises and the lacerations that were still healing, the incision along his sternum where the doctor had opened him up. It was enough to make him lightheaded again, but he held on tightly to the sink and the IV cart that had also served to carry the pacemaker in order to remain upright.
"Tony," he heard Steve call out from the room, and Tony cursed under his breath as he finished carefully zipping up the hoodie that he already knew wasn't his. It smelled of Steve, though, and that alone helped him feel better.
Using the IV cart for support, he walked out of the bathroom and smiled sheepishly when Steve gave him a 'why in the hell are you up' look.
"Hospital fashion isn't my thing," Tony explained, letting Steve help him back to bed. "Not that sweat pants are, either, but they are far more comfortable anyway." It wasn't until he was seated that he realized how winded he had become, and he had to take a moment to just focus on breathing again. Once he managed to do so, he turned to Steve, who had sat next to him and was looking at him in concern. "I'm fine."
"You could have waited and asked for help."
"I wanted to do something alone. Sorry I took your hoodie, I... It was loose enough for the pacemaker, and for the bandage change later."
Steve finally smiled at that, even if it was obvious he was still concerned. "It's fine. I'm glad it fit." His eyes ventured to the sketches on the night stand, and he raised an eyebrow. "I see you've been busy."
As Steve stood to get the sketches, Tony watched him go over them while he sank back into his pillow.. "Yeah. It's to help with my heart."
"What do you mean?"
"It's an electromagnet. We have a big one that powers my factory in California." His expression tightened for a moment, but he ignored how Steve looked at him by pointing at the design. "That one is miniaturized, though."
"So instead of a pacemaker you'd be hooked onto this?"
"No, it'll go in me."
The way that it was so casually said made Steve turn to Tony at once. "Wait. In you?"
"Well, yeah. In my chest, to be exact."
"A magnet. In your chest."
"I need to talk to Dr. Yinsen--"
"No."
"I don't have a hell of a lot of choices, Steve. It's this or letting the shrapnel kill me, because nothing is going to be strong enough to hold this forever." He smiled, but it was void of all humor. "I designed the weapons, after all. I know what that blast was supposed to do."
Steve sat down next to him, his eyes trailing back to the designs in his hands and staying silent for what felt like hours. Finally, "And it'll work?"
"It should."
"That's not very convincing." He set the papers down, and turned to look at Tony. "Is there anything I can do?"
Tony grinned slightly. "Actually, yes. I need the actual blueprints and my tablet. Pepper could get the tablet, but the blueprints are in a specific hard drive in my office. And...I'd rather not tell anyone about this yet. Could you get them? I'll give you all the passwords."
Steve seemed to hesitate for a moment. "You trust me with all that?"
"I'm pretty sure you've earned that trust with all you've been doing, Rogers." His smile softened, and he gave a nod. "Yes. I trust you. I trust Pep too, obviously, but I just... I want to wait until I'm sure it will work. And it's either you getting them, or I break out of this place on my own." He grinned again. "You choose."
Steve rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile as well. "You're a brat, you know that?"
Tony stole a quick kiss before shrugging innocently. "So I've been told."
***
Even if Tony had managed to convince Steve to not be in the hospital all hours of the day, Steve still didn't go to his classes. Instead he'd spend the day trying to find out about the Super Soldier program that Nick Fury had mentioned. Now that Tony was awake it was easier for him to go back to that conversation, no matter how hard it was still to believe that it was real. How his father had been alive and fighting during World War II. How he had known Tony's grandfather, and father. How he was the Super Soldier that had always sounded more like a myth than an actual reality. While Steve had been in the service he had heard of it, anyone in the military knew about it, but it had been his understanding that he had long disappeared.
Looking back on it, Steve realized while going through old newspaper articles that had documented some of Captain America's actions, he had disappeared around the time Steve's mother had died.
Steve still had no idea what to think. How to react. How does one react to news like that? He had always figured he had known his father, but the fact that he had been the Super Soldier he had heard so much about, that he had been Captain America... He had tried to go through his father's old belongings, try to find some hint of that past life he had barely found out about, but Joseph had been very careful in leaving behind any evidence. Had he taken care of that while Steve was overseas? he couldn't help but wonder. Did he ever plan on telling him? Had he even wanted to?
On the drive to the Stark Industries campus in Manhattan, Steve avoided the paparazzi as much as possible. Never in his life did he ever imagine that to be a problem, but after the first month of 'marriage' with Tony he had started to get the hang of it. Now, after learning to avoid the media each time he left the hospital, he considered himself an expert and he tried to make the drive on his motorcycle as undetected as possible.
The staff at Stark Industries recognized him at once, though, especially as he made his way to the elevator so he could go to Tony's office. The instructions had been simple enough: go to his office, access the private archives and download the information into a hard drive so Tony could work on it. A list of passwords and codes had been given, and Steve just repeated them in his head to avoid the glances and stares that followed him the entire way, along with the Isn't that Mr. Stark's husband? whispers that resonated along the walls.
The ride to the top floor felt eternal, but once he was in Tony's office he quickly made his way to his desk. Everything was in such perfect detail that Steve couldn't help but smile, because he already knew it was all organized thanks to Pepper. There was no way in hell Tony kept his desk in such perfect order - he had seen his workshop, after all. But, as the computer booted up, it wasn't the organizational skills that caught his eye. It was how bare the walls looked, how there were no personal touches anywhere in that office. How, if he wouldn't have been instructed on where to go, he would have never thought this was Tony's office.
With Tony's instructions and passwords, it was easy to log on to the server and enter the electronic archives that contained the files Tony needed. As Steve waited for the files to download onto the flash drive that Tony had mentioned to use, though, he noticed a drive labeled as H Stark and for a second he just froze. The conversation that he had with Nick Fury echoed in his mind for what felt like a millionth time, and Steve couldn't help but wonder if maybe information on his father would be in there. It should be, right? Fury had mentioned how Howard Stark had worked with him. It could contain information on the Super Soldier that Steve had never known, not in the capacity that he should, and...
Before he could think twice about his decision, he found himself trying to access Howard's files but a window asking him for new passwords stopped him. Under any other circumstance he would have never even thought to access any information that he knew should stay private, but his desperation to find something, anything, on his father's secret life made it hard to think clearly. Sighing in frustration, trying to keep himself from trying any of the passwords Tony had given him, Steve focused only on finishing his tasks so he could go back to the hospital.
Maybe, if he were to tell Tony the whole situation, maybe he would help. Neither one had gone into full detail about their fathers, each of them for reasons that never allowed them to even hint at anything other than superficial information, but maybe if he asked Tony would help.
Maybe...
***
"You've been quiet," Tony noted as Steve seemed to stare blankly at the television screen while sitting on the sofa in the room. Noticing the way that he just blinked over to him, as if he hadn't even heard the actual comment, made Tony frown slightly in concern as he set down the tablet he had been working on. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Tired, I guess."
"If you want to go home and get some actual sleep..."
"No, it..." Steve smiled, even if Tony could tell how it didn't seem to reach his eyes at all. "It's not that. How are the designs going? Did the files help?"
For a moment Tony didn't answer, staring at Steve as if trying to figure out why he was acting so strangely, but he looked down at the tablet where the design he had been working on laid unfinished. "Yeah. Kind of hard to work with...you know." He raised his bandaged hand slightly, a small wry smile on his face to hide the fact that he was getting frustrated at not being able to work like he was used to. In his workshop, with his tools and not just a tablet and what felt like borrowed Stark Industries information. It should feel like his - he and his father had designed it, after all - but all he could think of was Obadiah.
The probation. What if the explosion had been the last straw, even if he hadn't caused it?
The pacemaker. What if it didn't work, and he couldn't figure out a solution?
There were so many scenarios, most of which resulted in him losing the company, and it was all a race against the clock in an effort to figure things out before the shrapnel killed him.
Just as he was about to tell Steve that they should find a movie and not do anything for the rest of the night, the door to his room flung open and Obadiah just smiled as he walked in while Steve simply sighed under his breath and turned back to the television. The smile that grew on the older man's face was fake, though; Tony knew it and it made his insides twist as he tried to figure out what was coming next. "Hi, Obie."
The same smile was given to him as Obadiah turned back to Tony. "My boy. I think we need to have a talk."
It was about the board, Tony couldn't help but think. The board was planning on blaming him for the explosion. The board was going to shut him out. The anxiety that Tony could feel rise inside him was tightly reined in as much as he could, but he had the suspicion that Steve could see right through the facade he was putting up for Obadiah because he could feel his stare on him as if saying, it's okay. Just breathe.
Except, he couldn't. "Okay," Tony said with a nod and trying to sound as calm and confident as possible. "What is it?"
"We had a small breach of security. Or an attempt, I should say. Someone logged in with your information to the server--"
"Oh!" Tony felt his shoulders sag with relief, and he smiled. "No, it wasn't a breach. I asked Steve to do it." The look that Obadiah gave him made Tony frown, unable to ignore the sudden flashback to his childhood. He could see that same look on Howard, and it made his blood run cold. "It's no big deal," he just said instead, now trying to sound as casual as possible. "I needed some designs for something I'm working on."
"What designs?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Were they in your father's files?"
The question made Tony frown in confusion. "What? No, Obie. We really did have an attempt to break through security, then. Have you tried narrowing down who it was?"
Steve, who had been watching the scene quietly, couldn't stay silent anymore. Especially at the look on Obadiah's face, who seemed to be enjoying informing Tony of the news a little too much. "I'm sorry, I... It was me."
Tony's look of confusion only grew at that, looking between both of them. "It was probably a mistake, right? I mean, you probably got confused while you were getting the files I asked for."
"No, Tony. There was no confusion." Steve stood, ignoring Obadiah and keeping his eyes on Tony. "I wanted... I was going to talk to you about this, actually."
"When?" Obadiah interjected then, crossing his arms. "When breaking into Howard's servers didn't work? Why don't you tell him what you are really after, Mr. Rogers? What you have really been after all this time."
Steve turned to him then, his hands balling up into tight fists next to him. "You don't know what you are talking about."
"Then why don't you explain it."
"This is between Tony and I."
"Oh no, that's where you're wrong. I have been protecting this family before you were even born."
"Protecting?" Steve demanded, almost sounding like a growl under his breath. "You--"
"STOP." Tony frowned at both of them, suddenly glad that he was in bed otherwise he wasn't sure how his legs would have been able to hold him up. His whole body felt like it was made out of jell-o. "What is he talking about, Steve?"
"Tony, I don't..."
"What is he talking about?" he asked again, this time more forceful. Defensive, even, especially when Steve looked away. "Steve. What is he talking about?"
When silence was the only thing that filled the room, Obadiah took this as his opportunity to speak. "Tony, what do you know about the Super Soldier program?"
Despite the cold glare that was growing in his eyes for both Obadiah and Steve, Tony couldn't hide the puzzled look on his face at the question. "My grandfather helped with it. Dad had a hand in it as well, but I don't... Dad never shared much about that." Or anything, really, but that was not the point. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"My father was the Super Soldier," Steve finally answered, eyes locking with Tony's. "He was Captain America."
"So you thought... What..."
"He and Howard were close," Obadiah said over Steve's attempts to talk. "They worked together. Tony, you know how much your father has done for the military. But... They parted ways. 'Captain America' and Howard ceased seeing eye to eye on things, isn't that right Steve?"
"Thanks to you, yes." Steve's glare was deadly as he turned to Obadiah. "Why don't you tell it how it really happened?"
Obadiah just laughed. "Because you won't believe it. And I get it, he was your father. But he wanted to be involved in things and plans that never concerned him--"
"Don't you dare--"
"Is that why you did it?" Even if Tony's voice was low, the edge of it was enough to cut through Steve's and Obadiah's. "Is that why you--... You knew who I was. Did you see it as an easy way back in?"
Steve frowned at Tony, unable to hide the disbelief that he was believing Obadiah. "What? No. Back into what? I told you I've been out of the army. Everyone knows who you are, but I didn't... I had no idea who my father was, that he was the Super Soldier, until the day of the explosion. You have to believe me."
"Why? Why do I have to believe you?" Tony let out a bitter laugh under his breath. "Is that why you were waiting things out? Did you hope to find whatever it was your father wanted? Or did you want a cut of...what, Steve? Why? Everything has an ulterior motive."
Steve clenched his jaw shut so tightly as Tony spoke that it was a wonder his teeth didn't shatter. Then, "It's unbelievable that you are so willing to believe him. Don't you see--"
"All I see is that I don't want you here. Get out, Steve."
"No. You need to listen."
"I don't need to do anything. You need to get out. OUT."
A mixture of anger and hurt crossed Steve's face, but instead of arguing he just grabbed his leather jacket from the chair by the bed before storming out. Obadiah turned to Tony then, but Tony shook his head without even glancing at him. His eyes were suddenly just fixed on the sofa where Steve had been sitting minutes ago. "You too, Obie. Get out."
Obadiah didn't have to be told twice, but when the room was empty Tony didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do? A sea of emotions felt like they were drowning him and choking the life right out of him, and he couldn't even move.
Had Steve really been using him? Had he...
Before the thought could completely formulate itself, Tony let out a scream of frustration as he sent his tablet flying across the room. He didn't stop when the nurses rushed in to check on him, or insisted that he needed to remain calm. How they'd give him a sedative, because he shouldn't be so altered.
But Tony didn't listen. He just kept repeating the same words he had told Steve, the same ones that felt as if they tore his heart into pieces worse than the shrapnel ever could.
"Get out," he kept repeating until it felt as if his throat was raw, and the sedative the nurses finally gave him got the better of him. "Get out."
***
Tony's new way of shutting out the world once he came to the realization that the conversation with Obadiah and Steve hadn't been a nightmare was not with strong painkillers that would leave him dazed and numb, but instead he forced himself to work. He still kept his words to a minimum (getting him to even talk other than to ask Pepper for a new tablet had become impossible), and he ignored visitors and even doctors whenever they would try to talk to him, but he just wasn't interested in conversation. He needed to focus on something other than the pain that felt as if it would drive him insane, both physically and mentally, and work was the best answer for it.
Pepper didn't agree in his plan to isolate himself from the rest of the world, and she said it as much whenever she visited. Obadiah would ask what he was working on, but Tony would not answer to either one. He wouldn't even look at them.
Just get out, his attitude screamed as he hunched in bed over his tablet and worked on schematics that he wished could make bigger so he could work properly. Just get out.
"We need to talk," someone informed him one evening as he finished calculating equations, and the only reason Tony looked up was because for a moment he couldn't recognize the voice that came along with the statement. He had gotten used to Pepper and Obadiah, he was used to the nurses and his doctors, but in his attempt block out Steve Rogers from his mind, he had also shut out Bucky.
Bucky, who stood at the foot of his bed with a fiercely determined look on his face.
Tony just didn't answer, though, staring blankly at him as if he was already bored with a conversation they weren't even having yet.
This didn't stop Bucky. "You know, the first couple of days I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I figured you had gone through a traumatic experience, you bumped your head - fine, you don't have the best judgement. But what you're doing, not even listening to Steve's side of the story... You're an idiot. You owe him at least that much."
Despite his best attempts at remaining numb, the mention alone of Steve made his heart ache and he already knew it had nothing to do with the shrapnel in his chest. "I don't owe him anything."
"Do you know how much he gave up for you, to be here on a daily basis? And not even just that - do you know how much he gave up the second he agreed to stay married to you? You can't possibly be so damn selfish because, if you are, then my best friend deserves someone better than you."
"Your best friend lied to me. I don't know how much you know--"
"No, the question here is really how much do you know, and who is your source? I have known Steve all my life--"
"And I've known my 'source' all of mine."
"Are you sure you know him?"
Tony frowned then, narrowing his eyes in a glare. "Whatever it is you're implying, don't. Steve could have told me. According to him he 'found out' on the day of the explosion, right? I've been awake long enough for him to do something about it. To say something. So no, my idea of Steve doesn't change just because you're here vouching for him."
Bucky shook his head, a dry smile on his face. "You're not all that smart for being such a genius. You know what, keep doing what you're doing. Don't call Steve. Don't look for him. He deserves better."
As Bucky turned to leave, Tony just stared at the door as it closed behind him and felt his anger and frustration bubbling inside him. Just as his grasp on his tablet tightened, ready to to send it flying across the room again, the door opened and the sight of Rhodey standing at the threshold made him freeze in surprise. After the explosion, once he was awake from the mini-coma, Pepper had told him that she had kept Rhodey updated about his condition since he tried to call as often as possible. Tony had even managed to talk to him on short occasions when he was allowed and able to make phone calls, but to suddenly have him there - especially without any notice - made him just stare in disbelief. "What... What are you doing here?"
"I finally managed to get my leave approved. Pepper is a miracle worker." The smile on Rhodey's face seemed tight with worry despite his attempts at making it look normal, and he immediately walked to his best friend's bed as he took in the fading bruises and the scars where the stitches had been. His eyes lingered on the bandaged arms, but it wasn't for long because he was quick to turn back to Tony, who was also trying to look as normal as possible. Rhodey knew him for far too long to believe it, though. Dropping his bag, he sat on the bed, facing Tony and gave his shoulder a small squeeze. "Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier, if I could have..."
"I know." And he did know. But suddenly having him there, having him in front of him, Tony couldn't keep up with his attempts to avoid everything that was going on. Suddenly everything began hitting him again, and he felt himself beginning to deflate despite the smile that he plastered on his face. Clearing his throat, he shook his head as if to shake away the thoughts that were catching up to him. "How about you tell me what you've been up to? I don't think you want to hear hospital tales."
Rhodey shrugged. "You're right. I don't. I want to hear how you are doing."
"Fine."
"Tony."
"Pepper pulled strings because of the silent treatment, huh? Is that what it took?" Tony felt the way that Rhodey kept staring at him, waiting for an honest response, but instead he just gave a wry smile. "There's not much to tell. Got married. Was in an explosion. I'm..." His words failed him then, and as Rhodey kept his hand on his shoulder, it suddenly felt as if that was the only reason he was still managing to stay seated. Quietly, suddenly feeling too raw and tired to do anything else, "I just want to go home. Help me break out of here."
Rhodey's brow furrowed, obviously unsure what to answer at first. "But, your doctor..."
"If I'm going to die, I'm not going to do it here."
"You're not going to die, Tony," Rhodey said as he gave his shoulder another squeeze. After a moment, "Let me talk to your doctor. We'll see what we can do."
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