[avengers big bang] fic: never say never; part five
Notes/Reference Post here.
Never Say Never
===============
After promising the doctor that they would make sure to keep an eye on Tony, that they would take him to his follow up appointments accordingly, that they would take care of bandage changes and make sure he was resting, Pepper and Rhodey finally managed to get Tony home.
'Home' being a relative term, however, because Tony refused to go to the Stark estate where he had grown up in Long Island. Tony refused to go to the loft that he and Steve had once shared. Instead, he had chosen another apartment in Manhattan that was also part of his real estate portfolio and had claimed that it was so he could be close to the hospital, "just in case," but neither Rhodey nor Pepper believed him. They doubted Tony believed himself, either, but neither of them fought him about it.
Instead, between the two of them they tried to keep Tony as distracted as possible, by just trying to engage him in conversation and distracting him with movies and video games. Despite their best efforts, however, they could see him retreat to a corner of himself where he wouldn't let anyone near. Pepper saw it more once Rhodey had to go back overseas, since his leave hadn't been approved for more than five days, but at least Tony would sometimes give more than single-word responses. Despite his lack of real interaction, he would still make attempts at conversation, and compared to how he had been before... Well, Pepper realized that she couldn't really be picky or demand more just yet.
On an evening when they were both working in the living room of the apartment, Tony looked away from the hologram of the arc reactor that he was working on and just stared at Pepper for a moment as she worked on the stock reports that he was suddenly glad he didn't have to deal with just yet.
The realization that he might never have to deal with that again dawned on him, though, and Tony almost flinched. Because lately all he had been thinking was that maybe it was time for him and Steve to file for divorce, and he wasn't sure how the board would take that. Especially considering that they were barely recovering from the dip that their stock had taken after the explosion.
But, there was no point in delaying it. Not anymore, because it wouldn't matter. It was a matter of time before the press realized that he and Steve were no longer living together, and after that things could turn out so much worse.
"Pep," Tony said as he turned back to her. "Can you call the lawyer tomorrow?" A beat. "Divorce lawyer."
Pepper had glanced up at the sound of her name, but the clarification on the type of lawyer that he needed made her blink in surprise. "Div... Oh."
"Yeah." He went back to his design, although Tony honestly couldn't figure out where he had stopped. "It should be pretty clear-cut. I doubt he's going to have a problem with it."
"You never know."
"He never wanted to be married, anyway." Making the hologram spin aimlessly, Tony shrugged. "It... The whole thing was fake. We drank too much, and it just...happened. We just stayed together because it..."
Noticing the way that he just trailed off, Pepper pursed her lips as she tried to weigh the words that she had already been contemplating on saying. "I know it's not my place to say this, but it never seemed fake."
"We are just that talented at pretending." Look at how well Steve pretended, he wanted to add, but didn't. Instead, he took the holographic arc reactor. "Come on, Pep, you never even doubted it?"
"Honestly? No." Tony turned to her at that, and she shrugged slightly. "I was the one that broke the news to him when the explosion happened. I was with him in the waiting room, and watched him look after you when the doctors kept you sedated. I tried to convince him to go home and get some sleep, eat something, but he wouldn't. Especially when a fever would kick in, and all he would do was make sure you weren't alone."
Tony could only listen in silence, and even if he felt his heart tug painfully, he didn't say anything. Instead, he just turned back to Pepper when she settled his new cell phone next to him. "Did Bucky convince you to talk to me?"
Pepper shook her head. "We don't mention the two of you, because we know what it can lead to. But I really do think you should call him."
As she stood, Tony picked up his phone but didn't dial just yet. "You really didn't know it wasn't real?"
"I think you tried so hard to trick everyone, that you ended up believing it yourself."
***
The divorce lawyer was not mentioned again, nor did he talk or meet with Tony the next day. Pepper never brought it up, and Tony didn't either.
Tony didn't call Steve, though. Not the same day, anyway. Or the day after that.
Or even the one after that.
Instead, he called when the design of the arc reactor was finally completed and there was no one in the apartment to celebrate with him. Pepper had left after he had convinced her that she should take a night off, and even if before he had been used to being alone, now it almost felt like a foreign concept.
Loneliness wasn't his reason for calling, though. Not really. If asked, Tony would have a terrible time coming up for a reason, but he tried to not think about it. He especially tried to not think about the way that his stomach felt as if it just dropped right to the ground when Steve's machine instructed him to leave a message at the beep.
"Hey. I, uh. It's me. Listen, I... Maybe we should talk. If..." As one hand held the phone to his ear, the free one rested on top of the pacemaker that he was still hooked to and drummed his fingers on it idly. "I hope you come by. Or call. We really should talk."
After rattling off the address of the apartment where he was staying, Tony just settled back on his couch and tried to relax or at least not stare at the phone, as if that way would make it ring faster.
But, Steve didn't call. Not half an hour later, or even two. At some point Tony must have fallen asleep on the couch that had become his usual spot ever since being released from the hospital, the television playing some old movie in the background, because when he awoke again the front door was opening and he could feel his neck hurt from the awkward position he had been in. Sitting up slightly, he sighed under his breath as he realized it was now four hours ever since he had called Steve. "Pepper? It's barely 9:30, why are you back so early? I thought..." He trailed off when the familiar sound of heels didn't resonate down the hall. Frowning, he stood as he used the armrests of the couch for support, but before he could begin to pick up the pacemaker Obadiah walked in the room. "Obie. Shit, I thought... I didn't expect you here."
Obadiah just smiled as Tony sat back down, keeping his hands in his pockets as he glanced at the room. The untouched pizza that Pepper had gotten for him before he left, the tablet and sketches on the table, the view of the city lights glittering in the night. "I just wanted to check on you," Obadiah answered pleasantly as he strolled through the room. "You haven't been answering my phone calls."
"Yeah, about that. Sorry, I've been busy."
"I figured as much." Obadiah smiled, sitting on the couch next to Tony. "Why don't you tell me about it?"
Tony leaned back against the couch. "It's to try and...fix it." He smiled wryly. "Fixed me, to be exact."
"Will it work?"
"I'm not sure. But I was working on the design, and... Well, hopefully." He paused. "It's Dad's arc reactor. I've tried to compact it, and the calculations indicate that it's a good possibility."
Obadiah nodded, as if to say he understood. "Is that what went into production tonight? In your private lab, right?"
"Yeah, Jarvis is... Wait, how do you know that?"
"Oh, Tony." With movements that were far too fast for Tony to react, Obadiah reached for Tony's chest with one hand to pin him down, while the other yanked the cables off of the pacemaker. Trying to fight through the shock and the sense of panic that began growing inside him, Tony tried to pull Obadiah away, but now that the older man didn't have to worry about the pacemaker, he used his free hand to grab tightly to Tony's forearm where he knew the burns had been more severe. Which caused the desired effect, because the pain made Tony writhe under him rather than keep trying to fight him, and Obadiah just grinned. "Do you really think I don't know what you do? Do you really think you have as much freedom as you think you do? Everything you do, everything that you have done, has only been because I have allowed you to."
Tony tried to do his best to fight Obadiah off of him, but the pain was making it hard to think. Not just on his arm, but he could feel his chest beginning to tighten and making it hard to even breathe. "You don't--" he tried to say, so breathless that his words came out in gasps. "Why?"
"Why?" He chuckled, his grasp tightening around his arm. "Because none of you Starks ever know any better. You weren't supposed to make it out of that explosion, though. It was finally time for me to take over the company that I built for your father, but you had to ruin the plans, didn't you?" Letting go of him as suddenly as he had taken a hold of him, Obadiah stood and towered over him as Tony seemed to be fighting to even breathe let alone move. "That shrapnel of yours was the only saving grace, though. How long is it that your doctor estimated that you could live without...this?" Lifting the external pacemaker that still rested next to Tony, Obadiah pretended as if he was weighing it in his hands before he sent it flying against the nearest wall. Reaching over to brush his hair away from his forehead, noticing how clammy his skin was, he smiled. "Enjoy the next few hours, my boy. It's a pity that you won't find out if your design worked or not, but I'm sure we'll be able to put it to good use."
***
Steve had already lost count on how many times he had listened to Tony's voicemail, but he just couldn't bring himself to call him back. Not yet. In the weeks that they had been apart, Steve had tried to go back to his old life as much as possible, but after being so preoccupied with Tony's well being it made it hard to. As angry and hurt as he was over Tony's lack of trust in him, he kept finding himself looking for any mention on the news about him even if it was pointless. The exact details on his condition had not been revealed throughout his hospitalization so any actual update would be impossible to find in the media, but he just couldn't help it. He just needed to know he was okay.
Pepper would give hints, though, and Steve kept telling himself that that was enough. Tony had made it clear that he had no right to be involved in his life, and he forced himself to remember it.
Still, the voicemail was something that Steve had not expected. Somehow he had thought that Tony would just never talk to him again, and in some ways he had resigned himself to that already, but to suddenly have him ask to see him...
He just wasn't sure what to think anymore.
While he tried to decide what to do, in an attempt to clear his head, Steve had gotten on his motorcycle to drive around the city but as the hours passed the answer was still not obvious to him. The second he would decide he wanted to talk to him, he would remember his refusal to even listen to him; when he was ready to just say no to the whole thing, a voice inside his head reminded him that they should at least get everything out in the open. Hadn't he wanted to give Tony his side of the story?
Without intending to do so, Steve found himself at the address that Tony had left in his message, and he took that as a sign that maybe deep down he had known the answer all along. As he parked his motorcycle across the street from the building, though, the sight of Obadiah storming out the front door and walking to a parked limo made him stop. Normally Steve would have taken that as his sign to leave, but there was something about the way he had rushed to the car that made him wait. Especially at the way that the car sped away once he was inside, and Steve walked towards the lobby of the building as quickly as he could without making it too obvious.
By the way that the doorman told him exactly which elevator to take to go to Tony's floor, Steve guessed that Tony had told him he was expecting Steve to show up but he didn't question it. He just followed instructions to the dot, and forced himself to not pace the length of the elevator as it took him to the top floor.
"Tony?" Steve called out once the doors opened, and he realized that the entire floor was Tony's apartment. That explained why the doorman had been specific on which elevator to take; the 'front door' to the apartment had been the elevator itself. The silence that greeted him, though, made Steve frown as he ventured inside, and tried to look for any sign of...anything, really. "Tony, where are you?"
The sound of something clattering to the floor caught his attention, and at once he ran towards the living room. The sight of Tony on the floor, curled up into a ball as he clutched his chest made him freeze, but only for a moment; he was quick to move to him and helped him roll over so he could see for himself what was wrong. "Tony? Tony, what..."
Tony looked up at him, deathly pale and his skin clammy as he tried to regain his breath. The attempts suddenly brought along a coughing fit, and suddenly Tony seemed as if he couldn't figure out what to do - scream out because of the pain, or try to breathe. "Steve," he just choked out instead. "Steve, Obadiah..."
Before he could continue he began coughing again. Steve tried to force himself to not panic, looking around for something that could possibly help him, anything at all, but it was then that he noticed the broken external pacemaker that Tony was supposed to be hooked up to. That, added to the blood that Tony began coughing up, made his attempts to not panic almost impossible. Next to Tony, Steve suddenly noticed, there was a phone and he quickly reached for it so he could dial for an ambulance.
Instead of a dial tone, however, the sound of clicking was the only thing that could be heard followed by silence. "Hello? Wh--"
"Mr. Rogers," the voice of Nick Fury came on the other line, and Steve wasn't sure if he wanted to curse him for answering or thank him. Under any other circumstance maybe Steve would demand to know why he had apparently bugged Tony's phone, but right now that didn't matter.
"He needs an ambulance. Tony, he's-- Someone broke the pacemaker. He's--" Dying he almost said, but swallowed down the word no matter how accurate it was. Because, the way that Tony looked, that was the only thing he could think of even if he hated himself for even letting it cross his mind. "Send an ambulance. Send SOMETHING. I think Stane is behind this. I saw him leave when I got here."
"A helicopter will be landing on the roof of the building soon in a couple of minutes. Stay with Stark until further notice, you understand me?"
Without another word the call ended, but Steve didn't care. He just tossed the phone aside, and helped Tony sit up slightly so he wouldn't choke with the coughing fit he was still fighting. "Look at me, Tony. Just focus on me, okay? Someone's going to be here soon. It'll be okay."
Tony shook his head slightly against Steve's chest. Now that he was sitting up it was easier for him to stop the coughing, but he was still too breathless to even attempt to talk normally. "You need... Need to go to Stark Industries."
"I'm not leaving you."
"You need to. The--" The pain made his whole body spasm for a moment, and Tony clenched his eyes shut tightly to try to ignore it. "What I told you," he managed, grinding the words out as he looked up at Steve again. "The... The design. 's done, y'need to...get it. Obie, he..." The second the name slipped through his lips made Tony look as if that alone hurt him worse than anything his body could be doing to him, but he continued anyway. "Stane knows. Please. Get it, before he does."
"I am NOT leaving you!"
Tony gave an empty smile, his teeth tinged red with the blood he had been coughing up. "I'm going to die anyway, but he can't get...his hands on that, Steve. Please. Please, go." Maybe it was the pain, maybe it was the betrayal, maybe it was the fear of dying - maybe it was everything, but Tony's eyes became glassy with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm sorry. But please, Steve..."
If it wasn't because Steve noticed the helicopter approaching the building, Steve would have probably listened to Tony, but instead he just scooped him up in his arms and rushed as quickly as he could towards the roof. As he moved, Tony buried his face in his chest, and Steve couldn't help but notice just how light he felt in his arms. "I'll go after they take you to the hospital," Steve finally said to Tony before he crossed the door that lead to the roof. "I'll go, but you better promise me you'll hang on. You can't die, Tony Stark. Don't you dare do it, you hear me?" He forced himself to smile. "We still need to talk."
Tony looked up at him, and just nodded slightly despite how his eyes seemed to be wanting to close on their own. The door burst open then, followed with a team of people dressed in black and with a gurney, and as soon as Tony was secured on it Steve rushed towards the elevator so he could make his way to Stark Industries.
Just as he reached the lobby, his cell phone began to ring and without even thinking about it he answered while running across the street so he could get to his bike. The only other person that normally called him was Bucky, and if he needed backup he needed to warn him in advance. "Bucky--"
"Try again, Mr. Rogers." Even if Steve had only met the man once, he could hear the anger very clearly in Nick Fury's voice. "I hope you are not doing what I think you're doing."
"I need to go to Stark Industries."
"You need to let us handle this."
"Tony was working on something to replace the pacemaker, and I need to get it."
"We know exactly what he was working on, Mr. Rogers, and I have a team already moving to Stark Industries - like I said, you need to let us handle this."
Steve frowned, his eyes following the helicopter as it flew away from the building. "Respectfully, sir... I'll meet your team there."
And, without another word, Steve hung up before speeding off towards the Stark Industries campus. The whole drive over he could only think of Tony, and the way he looked as he held him, and that alone made him drive faster. Because he needed to get to Tony's invention before Stane could, there was just no other alternative. Anything else would mean that Tony wouldn't be saved, that he would be gone, and despite everything that had happened between them he just couldn't lose him. Not like this.
Not ever.
Without bothering to park properly, Steve rushed into the building and quickly ran towards Tony's lab. A week into their 'marriage,' Tony had given Steve a tour of the main Stark Industries campus in Manhattan, and had showed him his lab. Back then it had felt like some sort of odd formality, as if it was really done mainly for those around them that kept dissecting every single one of their actions as they tried to figure out whether or not they were married, but now he could only be thankful for it. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a single clue on where to start looking.
As soon as he arrived to the lab, the door was already open and Steve felt his blood run cold. Without bothering to even pause to generate a plan, he rushed inside as quickly and as quietly as he could. The room was barely lit with a light in the far corner of the room, casting shadows along the walls that seemed more menacing than anything else, but Steve was careful not to trip on anything.
Just as he was about to grab a wrench that was on one of the shelves, Steve tumbled forwards as he was hit with what felt like a pipe over the head. As he tried to blink away the dots that seemed to dance in his vision, the lights above him lit up and he saw how Obadiah was towering over him as he walked over to him. "I warned you. I told you to get out while you still had a chance. You're not the brightest bulb in the box, though, are you Rogers? At least your father knew when to walk away."
Steve stood, even if he wasn't too steady on his feet at first. "I'm not my father. Just how Tony is not his father, either. You won't win, Stane."
"Oh, I won't? I'll make you disappear. The pressure of it got to be too much for poor Steve Rogers; you couldn't handle the erratic behavior your husband displayed, you couldn't handle the press." Obadiah smirked. "You couldn't handle his death. Because he is dying, isn't he? Or is he dead, already?"
Despite the lead pipe that Obadiah still held in his hand, Steve charged at him and tackled him onto the floor as the words snapped something in him that for months now he had been trying to control. Before it had been because he didn't want to hurt Obadiah, because he knew the spot that he held in Tony's life, but now... Punching him, Steve felt his anger finally getting the better of him. "He trusted you," he growled as Obadiah fought against him. "HE TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN, DID YOU."
Landing a punch in the gut, Obadiah managed to push Steve off of him before stumbling up. "It's all business, kid. You can't let something like emotions and sentimentalism get in the way."
"Is that why you made sure to take him off the pacemaker? Is that why you tried to kill him, then?"
"That's why I helped rig that explosion, yes. The pacemaker... I needed to tie loose ends."
The words fueled Steve more than before, and at once he was swinging at Obadiah despite the other man's best attempts to fight him off. Materials throughout the lab became weapons that they each tried to use, but it didn't last long; before they knew it, they were being pulled apart by people dressed in similar outfits as the ones that had taken Tony away in the helicopter.
The reminder of that was enough to make Steve stop struggling against the hold they had on him, and he felt his heart drop to the floor. "We need to find-- Tony's working on an electromagnet, one that was supposed to help him--"
Obadiah laughed, an odd and bitter sound as the other people that Steve could only assume worked with Fury put him in handcuffs. "You won't find it. It's not here. But the time you find it--"
"Actually," a dark haired woman in a SHIELD uniform interjected, "we did find it, and it is already on its way." A cold smirk crossed her face as Obadiah seemed to narrow his eyes in a glare. "You were not the only one with secrets, Mr. Stane. It seems Mr. Stark had some of his own, including a lab that you were not made aware of."
Steve wiped away blood from his cracked lip, raising an eyebrow at the woman as Stane was pulled out of the lab. "Secrets that you apparently know, I take it. Miss...?"
"Agent Hill. And it was necessary," she pointed out matter-of-factly as she turned to him. "Director Fury wanted me to remind you that you shouldn't have come here, Mr. Rogers."
Steve scoffed under his breath, shaking his head. "Right. From how he sounded earlier, I doubt that was the exact wording. Do you...know how Tony is?"
"No, but you are instructed to come with me so I can take you to the hospital. No more detours." She began leading him out towards one of the vehicles waiting outside. "I'll even give you the exact wording of what Director Fury said."
***
Bucky and Pepper showed up an hour after Steve arrived at the hospital, and in the worst case of deja vu they repeated the waiting game as time trickled by while watching the clock.
Nick Fury showed up again on the fourth hour, informing Steve that Obadiah would be detained until further notice and that they were looking for a possible accomplice, but had no major leads. Of course, this was after the chewing out that Fury insisted he deserved for not listening, but Steve couldn't be bothered to really care. Not as he waited for news about Tony, to see if the electromagnet would work. "Can you wait until this is over to come back to this, sir? Besides, no offense but I'm not one of your agents."
Fury had gone silent at that, but it hadn't been for long. "Well," he had said as he stood, "maybe we should change that."
Steve hadn't answered, though. He barely noticed as Fury walked away, or when Pepper sat next to him and held his hand. He didn't listen to Bucky as he asked him to go out to at least get a good cup of coffee, after his requests to have a doctor check on him went unheard. As far as Steve was concerned, the split lip and bruises on his face were nothing compared to what Tony was going through, and right now that was the most important thing in his mind.
As they neared the thirteenth hour, Dr. Yinsen finally walked into the room, and Steve jumped from his seat at once. "Is he... Did it work?"
The doctor seemed to hesitate, but he gave a slight nod. "It was a very invasive procedure. Had he mentioned what it would consist of?"
Steve remembered being horrified over the idea of an electromagnet being inside Tony's chest, and suddenly it felt as if he couldn't breathe. "Not too many details, but he did mention where it would be located."
"The next few hours are critical, the electromagnet is embedded in his chest. We will need to keep him sedated again for a few days, and we will be keeping a very close eye on him."
"So...like last time."
"Not quite." The faintest smile crossed Dr. Yinsen's lips. "Last time I was unsure the pacemaker would work, at least for very long. With this... It is a good thing Mr. Stark designed it as he did; if there are no complications, I don't foresee any problems with the shrapnel not being held in place."
Steve couldn't help but smile, despite his best attempts to not get his hopes too high up. "You mean, if this works..."
"If this works, Mr. Stark will be able to carry on his life normally. No external apparatus, no risks of the energy not being sufficient."
Feeling the relief hit him like a strong wave that almost knocked the air right out of him, Steve just managed to nod as he leaned against the wall and finally allowed himself to hope.
Because, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, the possibility of a normal life - of life was finally there for Tony.
***
Seeing Tony on a hospital bed, surrounded by heart monitors and IVs was a sight that was sickeningly familiar, but at the same time there was something different about being able to know that the thing in his chest that seemed to glow right through his bandages was not a temporary solution. If it worked, Tony would be okay. Tony would live.
Fury explained on his visit the next day that they had kept an eye on Tony and his projects because they knew he had been working on a solution for his heart. That, if they wouldn't have hacked into his system and kept a very close eye on him, then Dr. Yinsen would have never received the proper instructions and it would have all been for naught. Something that, despite Steve's problems with the invasion of privacy, he had to admit he was right.
Something else that Fury had also shared was that Stane had coordinated the explosion at the Stark Industries manufacturing plant along with someone from the Roxxon Corporation. Steve hadn't asked more details only because the nurse had informed Steve that he could go in to see Tony, and despite his best attempts to remain as unattached as possible he just wanted to see him.
He just needed to see him.
And even if he had known that he would be asleep, even if he knew that he could only stay in the private room in intensive care for a few minutes, Steve brushed his fingers along Tony's hand and tried to take the beeping monitors as a good sign.
***
The first time Tony remembered opening his eyes, he was alone and so disoriented that he wasn't sure what to make of the medical equipment he was hooked to and that kept beeping too loudly for him. His hands fumbled with the nasal cannula, trying to free himself, but suddenly someone was with him and trying to stop him as he attempted to do so. He slipped back to sleep before he could really fight them.
The second time was almost just as short lived; he could distantly hear someone talking, but he couldn't distinguish who it was or what they were saying. He was too tired to even try to figure it out.
The third, the sight of Steve standing next to his bed greeted him, but the haze from the medicine made it hard for Tony to remember at first where he was and why he was so sore and exhausted.
Memories caught up with him before he was ready, though, and his hands moved quickly to his chest as he remembered the pain he had been in before. The way that Obadiah had unhooked him from the pacemaker, the way he had made sure he couldn't fight him back.
"Hey," Steve said as he pulled up a chair next to his bed and seemed to catch the way that Tony looked bewildered by the metal circle that had been lodged into his chest. "It worked. The electromagnet you were working on worked, that's what you feel right now."
"It... Oh." leaving a hand on his chest, letting it rest on the arc reactor even if his whole upper body felt as if an elephant had trampled on him, Tony shifted as much as he could to try and get comfortable. He had worked so hard on designing the magnet in his chest, he knew every single dimension by heart, but suddenly it felt enormous in his chest. Yes, he had known how it would have to be installed but it was one thing to design it and another one altogether to have it in his chest. He could barely breathe, it felt as if his heart was beating uncomfortably against the rim of it, and damn it hurt. It hurt worse than he could have predicted.
Then again, maybe he should have expected it considering it was lodged in his chest bone.
"How..." The grogginess in his voice made Tony clear his throat. "How long has it been? Since..."
Steve hesitated to answer. "You've been out of it for a week. You've been waking up for a couple of days now, but I don't think--"
"I'm sorry," Tony suddenly said quietly, turning back to Steve. "I should have listened to you. You were right, Stane..." Unable to even finish the sentence, Tony just shook his head slightly. "...sorry. I didn't..."
Steve just gave a small nod of his own. "I know. I'm sorry too, I should have talked to you first. I just didn't know what to say. My father..." It was Steve's turn to trail off, but it didn't last long. "We can talk more about it when you're feeling better."
Tony's lips tugged into a small, barely visible smile. "I'm not going anywhere. We can talk now." He paused, as if trying to choose what to say. "Did you know your father knew mine?"
"I knew they worked together at some point, and I knew they had parted ways when they disagreed on some things. I just didn't know what or why."
"Why didn't you mention it?"
"I didn't know when, or even how to bring it up. I figured your dad worked with so many people, that a Joseph Rogers wouldn't ring a bell." Steve shrugged. "My dad and I were close, but apparently not close enough. I had no idea about his part in the war, or...anything. I just thought he was a soldier, and was on tours when I was younger. It just wasn't something I thought would be so secret and so...huge. I mean, my father was the Super Soldier. It was almost a myth by the time I got to the army, and I never would have thought my father could be the age he really was by the time he died. According to Nick Fury, he knew your grandfather as well. The...thing that helped make him Captain America prolonged his aging."
Tony frowned slightly. "Nick Fury?"
"Apparently he worked with your father as well. He and the organization he directs helped a lot in getting you here and helped with making sure Dr. Yinsen could be the one to help you." Noticing the confused look on Tony's face, Steve smiled. "He'll stop by and introduce himself, I'm sure. He seems to know more about us and our fathers than we do."
"Well, that's not too hard in my case." The words slipped out unchecked, and it wasn't until he noticed Steve watching him that he realized he wasn't sure what he meant. "Even if you would have asked me...anything," Tony explained uncomfortably, "I wouldn't have known any of the answers you expected or wanted. My father and I were never close, and I never really met my grandfather. I know of the Super Soldier program because I learned about it from random conversations and project outlines, but nothing definite. After my father died... His old projects stayed archived. I didn't see the need to look at them, because it didn't matter anymore."
"Better focus on the future than the past?"
Tony just shrugged in response, eyes fixed on a random spot in the room for a moment. "...I'll help you find any details you want to know, though. I'm sure we still have some of the records." A beat. Then another. "And... About the whole...marriage. You aren't obligated to stay married to me anymore. We can get a divorce lawyer and take care of all the details, you don't have to... You know."
Steve watched him in silence, his expression blank. "Is that what you want?"
"That doesn't matter, Steve."
"It matters to me. Is divorce what you want?"
Tony's voice lowered as he struggled with the words. "I want you to be happy," he finally managed. "As selfish as I can be, I just want you happy. And if being free means that, then... You can be free."
Steve moved closer to the bed, shaking his head. "Sometimes you can be an idiot, you know that?" With a small smile on his face, he broke the distance between them and kissed his lips as Tony latched onto him as if he was a lifeline more than the arc reactor itself.
And, in a lot of ways, he really was just that.
***
It took three months for the doctor to give the green light for Tony to go back to his normal life, and it was only thanks to Steve that he stuck to that timeline rather than showing up at Stark Industries a month after the surgery.
The day to go back to work had finally come, though, and for the first time Tony felt glad for it. It was still questionable whether or not he would attend all the board meetings, and he knew he would most likely continue working in the lab more than in his actual office, but now there was a new motivation for him to do better. To be better, and it was not to impress Howard. It was definitely not to impress Obadiah.
For the first time he felt free, and he needed and wanted to prove it to himself that he could make it.
Standing in front of the mirror, he caught sight of the scars along his chest and arms just as he was about to slip on his shirt, and he paused. There was never a way to ignore the arc reactor, because of the constant glow that it gave despite his best attempts to hide it beneath layers of clothes (both for his own vanity, and because other than Steve, Bucky, Rhodey, Pepper and his team of doctors no one knew about it), but seeing the whole picture was...different. Some of the scars would never leave his body, and he knew this, but his Stark vanity was too high to forgive himself for it.
"So," Steve asked as he walked out o the bathroom in jeans, walking to his closet to finish getting dressed, "you'll pick me up for lunch, right?" When Tony didn't answer, Steve poked his head out of the closet and noticed that he was still staring at himself in the mirror. "Tony?"
"This is hideous." As Steve walked over to him, Tony turned to face him. "I mean, look."
"I am looking. But I don't think it's hideous."
"Steve--"
"No, I'm serious."
"Me too. I have a flashlight in my chest, don't you hate it? I mean, how do you even manage to sleep at night now? And for months? Why didn't you say s--"
Not knowing how else to stop Tony's rambling, Steve took him by the shoulders and kissed him with enough force to leave him breathless. As he pulled back, Tony reached for him again as he ran his fingers along Steve's hair which was still wet from the shower. "Oh no. How can you tease me like that, Rogers? That's evil."
"I have classes to go to, you have meetings to get back to." Steve smiled. "But, back to your original question." He ran his fingertips lightly along the edge of the arc reactor, which made Tony shiver and Steve smiled wider still. "It's keeping you alive; I'm never going to think its hideous."
Unable to help it, Tony smiled at that and looped his arm around Steve's neck. "I can't ditch work, huh?"
Stealing a quick kiss, Steve smirked. "Probably not, Mr. Stark."
"Oh, which reminds me. We never settled on who would take whose name. Do I take yours?" Steve's head tilted slightly as If trying to figure out if Tony was being serious, but Tony just kept a straight face. "Because maybe you should take mine. I mean, you know, marriage and all. I have the company, and changing the name on that might be hard..."
Giving him a playful shove, Steve tried to give him a look but failed miserably as Tony began laughing. "Just finish getting ready, Stark."
***
Ever since his father's burial, Steve had found it too difficult to go back to the cemetery to see him. The loss always felt too new, too painful to even think about dealing with it, and so he had used other methods to avoid it: he had worked as many extra hours at the museum as he could, he took more classes than he probably should have just so he could always keep busy.
Now that a year had passed since that day, Steve couldn't believe how many things had happened that had drastically changed his life. He no longer drove himself into the ground with work and school. He didn't need Bucky constantly checking on him, just to make sure that he was still eating and getting an adequate amount of fresh air rather than staying stuck in his apartment.
Now, a year later, he finally found the courage to go see his father.
"I don't know if you'd agree with this," Steve said quietly as he knelt down in front of his father's headstone. "Any of it. My looking for more information about you, law school, Tony." Steve paused, plucking a blade of grass from the ground as he stared at the carved name on the marble headstone. "I don't think you'd agree about my thinking about Nick Fury's comment about joining SHIELD."
Because, after Fury had introduced himself to Tony, he had commented how they could follow in their fathers' footsteps; Tony could help them with their tech, Steve could join and be like Joseph. Maybe not in the Super Soldier capacity but, as Fury put it, be part of something bigger.
And it would be a lie to say that he didn't keep thinking about it. Tony hadn't taken it as a serious comment, not really but it was also because he was busy recuperating. Steve... It was different. He had always wanted to be part of something bigger. That was why he had joined the army; that was why he enrolled in law school so he could try to fix the system.
Would his father agree? he sometimes wondered. Joseph hadn't agreed with the army; it had driven a wedge between them rather than it bringing them closer, there was no reason to believe this time would have been different had he been alive.
"I know you worried I was doing things to please you, or just to make you proud. But I promise, they have all been things I wanted." Steve looked over at the parked Ferrari in the parking lot, where Tony was waiting for him and seemed to be working on something. Feeling a smile tug at the corners of his lips, Steve gave a small nod. "All of them. I wish you could have met Tony. I wish..."
He sighed under his breath, turning back to he headstone.
Joseph Rogers - Devoted father, forever missed.
Forever missed, indeed.
"I don't know if I'll ever stop missing you, but I just want you to know I'm okay. And... I don't know if I'll ever find out everything about you, but I will always be proud of you, for all of it. What I know, and what I don't. Thank you, Dad. For everything. I love you."
Resting a hand on the cold marble, Steve lingered for a moment before getting up and slowly making his way back to the car.
Tony was too busy listening to his music with his headphones and working on his tablet to realize Steve was back until the door closed. Pulling out the headphones, he turned to him. "Hey. You...okay?"
Steve nodded, not having to force the small smile on his lips. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." As Tony started the car, the engine roaring to life, he caught glimpse of the design on the tablet and tried to peer over to see what it was. "What are you working on?"
"Huh? Oh, uh. Um it's a..." He shrugged, slipping on his sunglasses. "Nothing, it's stupid."
"No, what is it?"
Tony watched Steve in silence, but didn't have to question whether or not he should show him his design. He didn't have to question if he could trust him. Tony knew this answer already; he knew it better than he knew anything else.
"It's... Well, look." Passing over his tablet, Tony showed him what seemed to be an armor. As he tapped the screen, though, it was obvious that it was something much bigger than just an armor. There were notes scribbled on the corners, indicating repulsor technology and an aiming and firing system. The chest plate displayed the arc reactor that Tony had implanted in his own chest, and unconsciously he shifted slightly in his seat, as if seeing it was a reminder that it was in there.
Steve noticed it, and knew it was something that Tony still struggled with, but didn't say anything about it for now. "Is that..."
"To power it." He smirked. "It's like the suit's heart."
"So, what is it? A man of iron?"
Tony chuckled at that, powering down the tablet so he could start driving. "Something like that. We'll need to come up with a good name for it."
Steve smiled. "'We,' huh?"
Before pulling out of his spot, Tony leaned over and kissed Steve's lips. "Yes," he answered with a smile of his own. "'We.' Is that okay?"
Brushing a stray curl away from Tony's face, Steve nodded. "Yes. It's definitely okay."
***
part one | part two | part three | part four | part five
Never Say Never
===============
After promising the doctor that they would make sure to keep an eye on Tony, that they would take him to his follow up appointments accordingly, that they would take care of bandage changes and make sure he was resting, Pepper and Rhodey finally managed to get Tony home.
'Home' being a relative term, however, because Tony refused to go to the Stark estate where he had grown up in Long Island. Tony refused to go to the loft that he and Steve had once shared. Instead, he had chosen another apartment in Manhattan that was also part of his real estate portfolio and had claimed that it was so he could be close to the hospital, "just in case," but neither Rhodey nor Pepper believed him. They doubted Tony believed himself, either, but neither of them fought him about it.
Instead, between the two of them they tried to keep Tony as distracted as possible, by just trying to engage him in conversation and distracting him with movies and video games. Despite their best efforts, however, they could see him retreat to a corner of himself where he wouldn't let anyone near. Pepper saw it more once Rhodey had to go back overseas, since his leave hadn't been approved for more than five days, but at least Tony would sometimes give more than single-word responses. Despite his lack of real interaction, he would still make attempts at conversation, and compared to how he had been before... Well, Pepper realized that she couldn't really be picky or demand more just yet.
On an evening when they were both working in the living room of the apartment, Tony looked away from the hologram of the arc reactor that he was working on and just stared at Pepper for a moment as she worked on the stock reports that he was suddenly glad he didn't have to deal with just yet.
The realization that he might never have to deal with that again dawned on him, though, and Tony almost flinched. Because lately all he had been thinking was that maybe it was time for him and Steve to file for divorce, and he wasn't sure how the board would take that. Especially considering that they were barely recovering from the dip that their stock had taken after the explosion.
But, there was no point in delaying it. Not anymore, because it wouldn't matter. It was a matter of time before the press realized that he and Steve were no longer living together, and after that things could turn out so much worse.
"Pep," Tony said as he turned back to her. "Can you call the lawyer tomorrow?" A beat. "Divorce lawyer."
Pepper had glanced up at the sound of her name, but the clarification on the type of lawyer that he needed made her blink in surprise. "Div... Oh."
"Yeah." He went back to his design, although Tony honestly couldn't figure out where he had stopped. "It should be pretty clear-cut. I doubt he's going to have a problem with it."
"You never know."
"He never wanted to be married, anyway." Making the hologram spin aimlessly, Tony shrugged. "It... The whole thing was fake. We drank too much, and it just...happened. We just stayed together because it..."
Noticing the way that he just trailed off, Pepper pursed her lips as she tried to weigh the words that she had already been contemplating on saying. "I know it's not my place to say this, but it never seemed fake."
"We are just that talented at pretending." Look at how well Steve pretended, he wanted to add, but didn't. Instead, he took the holographic arc reactor. "Come on, Pep, you never even doubted it?"
"Honestly? No." Tony turned to her at that, and she shrugged slightly. "I was the one that broke the news to him when the explosion happened. I was with him in the waiting room, and watched him look after you when the doctors kept you sedated. I tried to convince him to go home and get some sleep, eat something, but he wouldn't. Especially when a fever would kick in, and all he would do was make sure you weren't alone."
Tony could only listen in silence, and even if he felt his heart tug painfully, he didn't say anything. Instead, he just turned back to Pepper when she settled his new cell phone next to him. "Did Bucky convince you to talk to me?"
Pepper shook her head. "We don't mention the two of you, because we know what it can lead to. But I really do think you should call him."
As she stood, Tony picked up his phone but didn't dial just yet. "You really didn't know it wasn't real?"
"I think you tried so hard to trick everyone, that you ended up believing it yourself."
***
The divorce lawyer was not mentioned again, nor did he talk or meet with Tony the next day. Pepper never brought it up, and Tony didn't either.
Tony didn't call Steve, though. Not the same day, anyway. Or the day after that.
Or even the one after that.
Instead, he called when the design of the arc reactor was finally completed and there was no one in the apartment to celebrate with him. Pepper had left after he had convinced her that she should take a night off, and even if before he had been used to being alone, now it almost felt like a foreign concept.
Loneliness wasn't his reason for calling, though. Not really. If asked, Tony would have a terrible time coming up for a reason, but he tried to not think about it. He especially tried to not think about the way that his stomach felt as if it just dropped right to the ground when Steve's machine instructed him to leave a message at the beep.
"Hey. I, uh. It's me. Listen, I... Maybe we should talk. If..." As one hand held the phone to his ear, the free one rested on top of the pacemaker that he was still hooked to and drummed his fingers on it idly. "I hope you come by. Or call. We really should talk."
After rattling off the address of the apartment where he was staying, Tony just settled back on his couch and tried to relax or at least not stare at the phone, as if that way would make it ring faster.
But, Steve didn't call. Not half an hour later, or even two. At some point Tony must have fallen asleep on the couch that had become his usual spot ever since being released from the hospital, the television playing some old movie in the background, because when he awoke again the front door was opening and he could feel his neck hurt from the awkward position he had been in. Sitting up slightly, he sighed under his breath as he realized it was now four hours ever since he had called Steve. "Pepper? It's barely 9:30, why are you back so early? I thought..." He trailed off when the familiar sound of heels didn't resonate down the hall. Frowning, he stood as he used the armrests of the couch for support, but before he could begin to pick up the pacemaker Obadiah walked in the room. "Obie. Shit, I thought... I didn't expect you here."
Obadiah just smiled as Tony sat back down, keeping his hands in his pockets as he glanced at the room. The untouched pizza that Pepper had gotten for him before he left, the tablet and sketches on the table, the view of the city lights glittering in the night. "I just wanted to check on you," Obadiah answered pleasantly as he strolled through the room. "You haven't been answering my phone calls."
"Yeah, about that. Sorry, I've been busy."
"I figured as much." Obadiah smiled, sitting on the couch next to Tony. "Why don't you tell me about it?"
Tony leaned back against the couch. "It's to try and...fix it." He smiled wryly. "Fixed me, to be exact."
"Will it work?"
"I'm not sure. But I was working on the design, and... Well, hopefully." He paused. "It's Dad's arc reactor. I've tried to compact it, and the calculations indicate that it's a good possibility."
Obadiah nodded, as if to say he understood. "Is that what went into production tonight? In your private lab, right?"
"Yeah, Jarvis is... Wait, how do you know that?"
"Oh, Tony." With movements that were far too fast for Tony to react, Obadiah reached for Tony's chest with one hand to pin him down, while the other yanked the cables off of the pacemaker. Trying to fight through the shock and the sense of panic that began growing inside him, Tony tried to pull Obadiah away, but now that the older man didn't have to worry about the pacemaker, he used his free hand to grab tightly to Tony's forearm where he knew the burns had been more severe. Which caused the desired effect, because the pain made Tony writhe under him rather than keep trying to fight him, and Obadiah just grinned. "Do you really think I don't know what you do? Do you really think you have as much freedom as you think you do? Everything you do, everything that you have done, has only been because I have allowed you to."
Tony tried to do his best to fight Obadiah off of him, but the pain was making it hard to think. Not just on his arm, but he could feel his chest beginning to tighten and making it hard to even breathe. "You don't--" he tried to say, so breathless that his words came out in gasps. "Why?"
"Why?" He chuckled, his grasp tightening around his arm. "Because none of you Starks ever know any better. You weren't supposed to make it out of that explosion, though. It was finally time for me to take over the company that I built for your father, but you had to ruin the plans, didn't you?" Letting go of him as suddenly as he had taken a hold of him, Obadiah stood and towered over him as Tony seemed to be fighting to even breathe let alone move. "That shrapnel of yours was the only saving grace, though. How long is it that your doctor estimated that you could live without...this?" Lifting the external pacemaker that still rested next to Tony, Obadiah pretended as if he was weighing it in his hands before he sent it flying against the nearest wall. Reaching over to brush his hair away from his forehead, noticing how clammy his skin was, he smiled. "Enjoy the next few hours, my boy. It's a pity that you won't find out if your design worked or not, but I'm sure we'll be able to put it to good use."
***
Steve had already lost count on how many times he had listened to Tony's voicemail, but he just couldn't bring himself to call him back. Not yet. In the weeks that they had been apart, Steve had tried to go back to his old life as much as possible, but after being so preoccupied with Tony's well being it made it hard to. As angry and hurt as he was over Tony's lack of trust in him, he kept finding himself looking for any mention on the news about him even if it was pointless. The exact details on his condition had not been revealed throughout his hospitalization so any actual update would be impossible to find in the media, but he just couldn't help it. He just needed to know he was okay.
Pepper would give hints, though, and Steve kept telling himself that that was enough. Tony had made it clear that he had no right to be involved in his life, and he forced himself to remember it.
Still, the voicemail was something that Steve had not expected. Somehow he had thought that Tony would just never talk to him again, and in some ways he had resigned himself to that already, but to suddenly have him ask to see him...
He just wasn't sure what to think anymore.
While he tried to decide what to do, in an attempt to clear his head, Steve had gotten on his motorcycle to drive around the city but as the hours passed the answer was still not obvious to him. The second he would decide he wanted to talk to him, he would remember his refusal to even listen to him; when he was ready to just say no to the whole thing, a voice inside his head reminded him that they should at least get everything out in the open. Hadn't he wanted to give Tony his side of the story?
Without intending to do so, Steve found himself at the address that Tony had left in his message, and he took that as a sign that maybe deep down he had known the answer all along. As he parked his motorcycle across the street from the building, though, the sight of Obadiah storming out the front door and walking to a parked limo made him stop. Normally Steve would have taken that as his sign to leave, but there was something about the way he had rushed to the car that made him wait. Especially at the way that the car sped away once he was inside, and Steve walked towards the lobby of the building as quickly as he could without making it too obvious.
By the way that the doorman told him exactly which elevator to take to go to Tony's floor, Steve guessed that Tony had told him he was expecting Steve to show up but he didn't question it. He just followed instructions to the dot, and forced himself to not pace the length of the elevator as it took him to the top floor.
"Tony?" Steve called out once the doors opened, and he realized that the entire floor was Tony's apartment. That explained why the doorman had been specific on which elevator to take; the 'front door' to the apartment had been the elevator itself. The silence that greeted him, though, made Steve frown as he ventured inside, and tried to look for any sign of...anything, really. "Tony, where are you?"
The sound of something clattering to the floor caught his attention, and at once he ran towards the living room. The sight of Tony on the floor, curled up into a ball as he clutched his chest made him freeze, but only for a moment; he was quick to move to him and helped him roll over so he could see for himself what was wrong. "Tony? Tony, what..."
Tony looked up at him, deathly pale and his skin clammy as he tried to regain his breath. The attempts suddenly brought along a coughing fit, and suddenly Tony seemed as if he couldn't figure out what to do - scream out because of the pain, or try to breathe. "Steve," he just choked out instead. "Steve, Obadiah..."
Before he could continue he began coughing again. Steve tried to force himself to not panic, looking around for something that could possibly help him, anything at all, but it was then that he noticed the broken external pacemaker that Tony was supposed to be hooked up to. That, added to the blood that Tony began coughing up, made his attempts to not panic almost impossible. Next to Tony, Steve suddenly noticed, there was a phone and he quickly reached for it so he could dial for an ambulance.
Instead of a dial tone, however, the sound of clicking was the only thing that could be heard followed by silence. "Hello? Wh--"
"Mr. Rogers," the voice of Nick Fury came on the other line, and Steve wasn't sure if he wanted to curse him for answering or thank him. Under any other circumstance maybe Steve would demand to know why he had apparently bugged Tony's phone, but right now that didn't matter.
"He needs an ambulance. Tony, he's-- Someone broke the pacemaker. He's--" Dying he almost said, but swallowed down the word no matter how accurate it was. Because, the way that Tony looked, that was the only thing he could think of even if he hated himself for even letting it cross his mind. "Send an ambulance. Send SOMETHING. I think Stane is behind this. I saw him leave when I got here."
"A helicopter will be landing on the roof of the building soon in a couple of minutes. Stay with Stark until further notice, you understand me?"
Without another word the call ended, but Steve didn't care. He just tossed the phone aside, and helped Tony sit up slightly so he wouldn't choke with the coughing fit he was still fighting. "Look at me, Tony. Just focus on me, okay? Someone's going to be here soon. It'll be okay."
Tony shook his head slightly against Steve's chest. Now that he was sitting up it was easier for him to stop the coughing, but he was still too breathless to even attempt to talk normally. "You need... Need to go to Stark Industries."
"I'm not leaving you."
"You need to. The--" The pain made his whole body spasm for a moment, and Tony clenched his eyes shut tightly to try to ignore it. "What I told you," he managed, grinding the words out as he looked up at Steve again. "The... The design. 's done, y'need to...get it. Obie, he..." The second the name slipped through his lips made Tony look as if that alone hurt him worse than anything his body could be doing to him, but he continued anyway. "Stane knows. Please. Get it, before he does."
"I am NOT leaving you!"
Tony gave an empty smile, his teeth tinged red with the blood he had been coughing up. "I'm going to die anyway, but he can't get...his hands on that, Steve. Please. Please, go." Maybe it was the pain, maybe it was the betrayal, maybe it was the fear of dying - maybe it was everything, but Tony's eyes became glassy with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm-- I'm sorry. But please, Steve..."
If it wasn't because Steve noticed the helicopter approaching the building, Steve would have probably listened to Tony, but instead he just scooped him up in his arms and rushed as quickly as he could towards the roof. As he moved, Tony buried his face in his chest, and Steve couldn't help but notice just how light he felt in his arms. "I'll go after they take you to the hospital," Steve finally said to Tony before he crossed the door that lead to the roof. "I'll go, but you better promise me you'll hang on. You can't die, Tony Stark. Don't you dare do it, you hear me?" He forced himself to smile. "We still need to talk."
Tony looked up at him, and just nodded slightly despite how his eyes seemed to be wanting to close on their own. The door burst open then, followed with a team of people dressed in black and with a gurney, and as soon as Tony was secured on it Steve rushed towards the elevator so he could make his way to Stark Industries.
Just as he reached the lobby, his cell phone began to ring and without even thinking about it he answered while running across the street so he could get to his bike. The only other person that normally called him was Bucky, and if he needed backup he needed to warn him in advance. "Bucky--"
"Try again, Mr. Rogers." Even if Steve had only met the man once, he could hear the anger very clearly in Nick Fury's voice. "I hope you are not doing what I think you're doing."
"I need to go to Stark Industries."
"You need to let us handle this."
"Tony was working on something to replace the pacemaker, and I need to get it."
"We know exactly what he was working on, Mr. Rogers, and I have a team already moving to Stark Industries - like I said, you need to let us handle this."
Steve frowned, his eyes following the helicopter as it flew away from the building. "Respectfully, sir... I'll meet your team there."
And, without another word, Steve hung up before speeding off towards the Stark Industries campus. The whole drive over he could only think of Tony, and the way he looked as he held him, and that alone made him drive faster. Because he needed to get to Tony's invention before Stane could, there was just no other alternative. Anything else would mean that Tony wouldn't be saved, that he would be gone, and despite everything that had happened between them he just couldn't lose him. Not like this.
Not ever.
Without bothering to park properly, Steve rushed into the building and quickly ran towards Tony's lab. A week into their 'marriage,' Tony had given Steve a tour of the main Stark Industries campus in Manhattan, and had showed him his lab. Back then it had felt like some sort of odd formality, as if it was really done mainly for those around them that kept dissecting every single one of their actions as they tried to figure out whether or not they were married, but now he could only be thankful for it. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a single clue on where to start looking.
As soon as he arrived to the lab, the door was already open and Steve felt his blood run cold. Without bothering to even pause to generate a plan, he rushed inside as quickly and as quietly as he could. The room was barely lit with a light in the far corner of the room, casting shadows along the walls that seemed more menacing than anything else, but Steve was careful not to trip on anything.
Just as he was about to grab a wrench that was on one of the shelves, Steve tumbled forwards as he was hit with what felt like a pipe over the head. As he tried to blink away the dots that seemed to dance in his vision, the lights above him lit up and he saw how Obadiah was towering over him as he walked over to him. "I warned you. I told you to get out while you still had a chance. You're not the brightest bulb in the box, though, are you Rogers? At least your father knew when to walk away."
Steve stood, even if he wasn't too steady on his feet at first. "I'm not my father. Just how Tony is not his father, either. You won't win, Stane."
"Oh, I won't? I'll make you disappear. The pressure of it got to be too much for poor Steve Rogers; you couldn't handle the erratic behavior your husband displayed, you couldn't handle the press." Obadiah smirked. "You couldn't handle his death. Because he is dying, isn't he? Or is he dead, already?"
Despite the lead pipe that Obadiah still held in his hand, Steve charged at him and tackled him onto the floor as the words snapped something in him that for months now he had been trying to control. Before it had been because he didn't want to hurt Obadiah, because he knew the spot that he held in Tony's life, but now... Punching him, Steve felt his anger finally getting the better of him. "He trusted you," he growled as Obadiah fought against him. "HE TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN, DID YOU."
Landing a punch in the gut, Obadiah managed to push Steve off of him before stumbling up. "It's all business, kid. You can't let something like emotions and sentimentalism get in the way."
"Is that why you made sure to take him off the pacemaker? Is that why you tried to kill him, then?"
"That's why I helped rig that explosion, yes. The pacemaker... I needed to tie loose ends."
The words fueled Steve more than before, and at once he was swinging at Obadiah despite the other man's best attempts to fight him off. Materials throughout the lab became weapons that they each tried to use, but it didn't last long; before they knew it, they were being pulled apart by people dressed in similar outfits as the ones that had taken Tony away in the helicopter.
The reminder of that was enough to make Steve stop struggling against the hold they had on him, and he felt his heart drop to the floor. "We need to find-- Tony's working on an electromagnet, one that was supposed to help him--"
Obadiah laughed, an odd and bitter sound as the other people that Steve could only assume worked with Fury put him in handcuffs. "You won't find it. It's not here. But the time you find it--"
"Actually," a dark haired woman in a SHIELD uniform interjected, "we did find it, and it is already on its way." A cold smirk crossed her face as Obadiah seemed to narrow his eyes in a glare. "You were not the only one with secrets, Mr. Stane. It seems Mr. Stark had some of his own, including a lab that you were not made aware of."
Steve wiped away blood from his cracked lip, raising an eyebrow at the woman as Stane was pulled out of the lab. "Secrets that you apparently know, I take it. Miss...?"
"Agent Hill. And it was necessary," she pointed out matter-of-factly as she turned to him. "Director Fury wanted me to remind you that you shouldn't have come here, Mr. Rogers."
Steve scoffed under his breath, shaking his head. "Right. From how he sounded earlier, I doubt that was the exact wording. Do you...know how Tony is?"
"No, but you are instructed to come with me so I can take you to the hospital. No more detours." She began leading him out towards one of the vehicles waiting outside. "I'll even give you the exact wording of what Director Fury said."
***
Bucky and Pepper showed up an hour after Steve arrived at the hospital, and in the worst case of deja vu they repeated the waiting game as time trickled by while watching the clock.
Nick Fury showed up again on the fourth hour, informing Steve that Obadiah would be detained until further notice and that they were looking for a possible accomplice, but had no major leads. Of course, this was after the chewing out that Fury insisted he deserved for not listening, but Steve couldn't be bothered to really care. Not as he waited for news about Tony, to see if the electromagnet would work. "Can you wait until this is over to come back to this, sir? Besides, no offense but I'm not one of your agents."
Fury had gone silent at that, but it hadn't been for long. "Well," he had said as he stood, "maybe we should change that."
Steve hadn't answered, though. He barely noticed as Fury walked away, or when Pepper sat next to him and held his hand. He didn't listen to Bucky as he asked him to go out to at least get a good cup of coffee, after his requests to have a doctor check on him went unheard. As far as Steve was concerned, the split lip and bruises on his face were nothing compared to what Tony was going through, and right now that was the most important thing in his mind.
As they neared the thirteenth hour, Dr. Yinsen finally walked into the room, and Steve jumped from his seat at once. "Is he... Did it work?"
The doctor seemed to hesitate, but he gave a slight nod. "It was a very invasive procedure. Had he mentioned what it would consist of?"
Steve remembered being horrified over the idea of an electromagnet being inside Tony's chest, and suddenly it felt as if he couldn't breathe. "Not too many details, but he did mention where it would be located."
"The next few hours are critical, the electromagnet is embedded in his chest. We will need to keep him sedated again for a few days, and we will be keeping a very close eye on him."
"So...like last time."
"Not quite." The faintest smile crossed Dr. Yinsen's lips. "Last time I was unsure the pacemaker would work, at least for very long. With this... It is a good thing Mr. Stark designed it as he did; if there are no complications, I don't foresee any problems with the shrapnel not being held in place."
Steve couldn't help but smile, despite his best attempts to not get his hopes too high up. "You mean, if this works..."
"If this works, Mr. Stark will be able to carry on his life normally. No external apparatus, no risks of the energy not being sufficient."
Feeling the relief hit him like a strong wave that almost knocked the air right out of him, Steve just managed to nod as he leaned against the wall and finally allowed himself to hope.
Because, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, the possibility of a normal life - of life was finally there for Tony.
***
Seeing Tony on a hospital bed, surrounded by heart monitors and IVs was a sight that was sickeningly familiar, but at the same time there was something different about being able to know that the thing in his chest that seemed to glow right through his bandages was not a temporary solution. If it worked, Tony would be okay. Tony would live.
Fury explained on his visit the next day that they had kept an eye on Tony and his projects because they knew he had been working on a solution for his heart. That, if they wouldn't have hacked into his system and kept a very close eye on him, then Dr. Yinsen would have never received the proper instructions and it would have all been for naught. Something that, despite Steve's problems with the invasion of privacy, he had to admit he was right.
Something else that Fury had also shared was that Stane had coordinated the explosion at the Stark Industries manufacturing plant along with someone from the Roxxon Corporation. Steve hadn't asked more details only because the nurse had informed Steve that he could go in to see Tony, and despite his best attempts to remain as unattached as possible he just wanted to see him.
He just needed to see him.
And even if he had known that he would be asleep, even if he knew that he could only stay in the private room in intensive care for a few minutes, Steve brushed his fingers along Tony's hand and tried to take the beeping monitors as a good sign.
***
The first time Tony remembered opening his eyes, he was alone and so disoriented that he wasn't sure what to make of the medical equipment he was hooked to and that kept beeping too loudly for him. His hands fumbled with the nasal cannula, trying to free himself, but suddenly someone was with him and trying to stop him as he attempted to do so. He slipped back to sleep before he could really fight them.
The second time was almost just as short lived; he could distantly hear someone talking, but he couldn't distinguish who it was or what they were saying. He was too tired to even try to figure it out.
The third, the sight of Steve standing next to his bed greeted him, but the haze from the medicine made it hard for Tony to remember at first where he was and why he was so sore and exhausted.
Memories caught up with him before he was ready, though, and his hands moved quickly to his chest as he remembered the pain he had been in before. The way that Obadiah had unhooked him from the pacemaker, the way he had made sure he couldn't fight him back.
"Hey," Steve said as he pulled up a chair next to his bed and seemed to catch the way that Tony looked bewildered by the metal circle that had been lodged into his chest. "It worked. The electromagnet you were working on worked, that's what you feel right now."
"It... Oh." leaving a hand on his chest, letting it rest on the arc reactor even if his whole upper body felt as if an elephant had trampled on him, Tony shifted as much as he could to try and get comfortable. He had worked so hard on designing the magnet in his chest, he knew every single dimension by heart, but suddenly it felt enormous in his chest. Yes, he had known how it would have to be installed but it was one thing to design it and another one altogether to have it in his chest. He could barely breathe, it felt as if his heart was beating uncomfortably against the rim of it, and damn it hurt. It hurt worse than he could have predicted.
Then again, maybe he should have expected it considering it was lodged in his chest bone.
"How..." The grogginess in his voice made Tony clear his throat. "How long has it been? Since..."
Steve hesitated to answer. "You've been out of it for a week. You've been waking up for a couple of days now, but I don't think--"
"I'm sorry," Tony suddenly said quietly, turning back to Steve. "I should have listened to you. You were right, Stane..." Unable to even finish the sentence, Tony just shook his head slightly. "...sorry. I didn't..."
Steve just gave a small nod of his own. "I know. I'm sorry too, I should have talked to you first. I just didn't know what to say. My father..." It was Steve's turn to trail off, but it didn't last long. "We can talk more about it when you're feeling better."
Tony's lips tugged into a small, barely visible smile. "I'm not going anywhere. We can talk now." He paused, as if trying to choose what to say. "Did you know your father knew mine?"
"I knew they worked together at some point, and I knew they had parted ways when they disagreed on some things. I just didn't know what or why."
"Why didn't you mention it?"
"I didn't know when, or even how to bring it up. I figured your dad worked with so many people, that a Joseph Rogers wouldn't ring a bell." Steve shrugged. "My dad and I were close, but apparently not close enough. I had no idea about his part in the war, or...anything. I just thought he was a soldier, and was on tours when I was younger. It just wasn't something I thought would be so secret and so...huge. I mean, my father was the Super Soldier. It was almost a myth by the time I got to the army, and I never would have thought my father could be the age he really was by the time he died. According to Nick Fury, he knew your grandfather as well. The...thing that helped make him Captain America prolonged his aging."
Tony frowned slightly. "Nick Fury?"
"Apparently he worked with your father as well. He and the organization he directs helped a lot in getting you here and helped with making sure Dr. Yinsen could be the one to help you." Noticing the confused look on Tony's face, Steve smiled. "He'll stop by and introduce himself, I'm sure. He seems to know more about us and our fathers than we do."
"Well, that's not too hard in my case." The words slipped out unchecked, and it wasn't until he noticed Steve watching him that he realized he wasn't sure what he meant. "Even if you would have asked me...anything," Tony explained uncomfortably, "I wouldn't have known any of the answers you expected or wanted. My father and I were never close, and I never really met my grandfather. I know of the Super Soldier program because I learned about it from random conversations and project outlines, but nothing definite. After my father died... His old projects stayed archived. I didn't see the need to look at them, because it didn't matter anymore."
"Better focus on the future than the past?"
Tony just shrugged in response, eyes fixed on a random spot in the room for a moment. "...I'll help you find any details you want to know, though. I'm sure we still have some of the records." A beat. Then another. "And... About the whole...marriage. You aren't obligated to stay married to me anymore. We can get a divorce lawyer and take care of all the details, you don't have to... You know."
Steve watched him in silence, his expression blank. "Is that what you want?"
"That doesn't matter, Steve."
"It matters to me. Is divorce what you want?"
Tony's voice lowered as he struggled with the words. "I want you to be happy," he finally managed. "As selfish as I can be, I just want you happy. And if being free means that, then... You can be free."
Steve moved closer to the bed, shaking his head. "Sometimes you can be an idiot, you know that?" With a small smile on his face, he broke the distance between them and kissed his lips as Tony latched onto him as if he was a lifeline more than the arc reactor itself.
And, in a lot of ways, he really was just that.
***
It took three months for the doctor to give the green light for Tony to go back to his normal life, and it was only thanks to Steve that he stuck to that timeline rather than showing up at Stark Industries a month after the surgery.
The day to go back to work had finally come, though, and for the first time Tony felt glad for it. It was still questionable whether or not he would attend all the board meetings, and he knew he would most likely continue working in the lab more than in his actual office, but now there was a new motivation for him to do better. To be better, and it was not to impress Howard. It was definitely not to impress Obadiah.
For the first time he felt free, and he needed and wanted to prove it to himself that he could make it.
Standing in front of the mirror, he caught sight of the scars along his chest and arms just as he was about to slip on his shirt, and he paused. There was never a way to ignore the arc reactor, because of the constant glow that it gave despite his best attempts to hide it beneath layers of clothes (both for his own vanity, and because other than Steve, Bucky, Rhodey, Pepper and his team of doctors no one knew about it), but seeing the whole picture was...different. Some of the scars would never leave his body, and he knew this, but his Stark vanity was too high to forgive himself for it.
"So," Steve asked as he walked out o the bathroom in jeans, walking to his closet to finish getting dressed, "you'll pick me up for lunch, right?" When Tony didn't answer, Steve poked his head out of the closet and noticed that he was still staring at himself in the mirror. "Tony?"
"This is hideous." As Steve walked over to him, Tony turned to face him. "I mean, look."
"I am looking. But I don't think it's hideous."
"Steve--"
"No, I'm serious."
"Me too. I have a flashlight in my chest, don't you hate it? I mean, how do you even manage to sleep at night now? And for months? Why didn't you say s--"
Not knowing how else to stop Tony's rambling, Steve took him by the shoulders and kissed him with enough force to leave him breathless. As he pulled back, Tony reached for him again as he ran his fingers along Steve's hair which was still wet from the shower. "Oh no. How can you tease me like that, Rogers? That's evil."
"I have classes to go to, you have meetings to get back to." Steve smiled. "But, back to your original question." He ran his fingertips lightly along the edge of the arc reactor, which made Tony shiver and Steve smiled wider still. "It's keeping you alive; I'm never going to think its hideous."
Unable to help it, Tony smiled at that and looped his arm around Steve's neck. "I can't ditch work, huh?"
Stealing a quick kiss, Steve smirked. "Probably not, Mr. Stark."
"Oh, which reminds me. We never settled on who would take whose name. Do I take yours?" Steve's head tilted slightly as If trying to figure out if Tony was being serious, but Tony just kept a straight face. "Because maybe you should take mine. I mean, you know, marriage and all. I have the company, and changing the name on that might be hard..."
Giving him a playful shove, Steve tried to give him a look but failed miserably as Tony began laughing. "Just finish getting ready, Stark."
***
Ever since his father's burial, Steve had found it too difficult to go back to the cemetery to see him. The loss always felt too new, too painful to even think about dealing with it, and so he had used other methods to avoid it: he had worked as many extra hours at the museum as he could, he took more classes than he probably should have just so he could always keep busy.
Now that a year had passed since that day, Steve couldn't believe how many things had happened that had drastically changed his life. He no longer drove himself into the ground with work and school. He didn't need Bucky constantly checking on him, just to make sure that he was still eating and getting an adequate amount of fresh air rather than staying stuck in his apartment.
Now, a year later, he finally found the courage to go see his father.
"I don't know if you'd agree with this," Steve said quietly as he knelt down in front of his father's headstone. "Any of it. My looking for more information about you, law school, Tony." Steve paused, plucking a blade of grass from the ground as he stared at the carved name on the marble headstone. "I don't think you'd agree about my thinking about Nick Fury's comment about joining SHIELD."
Because, after Fury had introduced himself to Tony, he had commented how they could follow in their fathers' footsteps; Tony could help them with their tech, Steve could join and be like Joseph. Maybe not in the Super Soldier capacity but, as Fury put it, be part of something bigger.
And it would be a lie to say that he didn't keep thinking about it. Tony hadn't taken it as a serious comment, not really but it was also because he was busy recuperating. Steve... It was different. He had always wanted to be part of something bigger. That was why he had joined the army; that was why he enrolled in law school so he could try to fix the system.
Would his father agree? he sometimes wondered. Joseph hadn't agreed with the army; it had driven a wedge between them rather than it bringing them closer, there was no reason to believe this time would have been different had he been alive.
"I know you worried I was doing things to please you, or just to make you proud. But I promise, they have all been things I wanted." Steve looked over at the parked Ferrari in the parking lot, where Tony was waiting for him and seemed to be working on something. Feeling a smile tug at the corners of his lips, Steve gave a small nod. "All of them. I wish you could have met Tony. I wish..."
He sighed under his breath, turning back to he headstone.
Joseph Rogers - Devoted father, forever missed.
Forever missed, indeed.
"I don't know if I'll ever stop missing you, but I just want you to know I'm okay. And... I don't know if I'll ever find out everything about you, but I will always be proud of you, for all of it. What I know, and what I don't. Thank you, Dad. For everything. I love you."
Resting a hand on the cold marble, Steve lingered for a moment before getting up and slowly making his way back to the car.
Tony was too busy listening to his music with his headphones and working on his tablet to realize Steve was back until the door closed. Pulling out the headphones, he turned to him. "Hey. You...okay?"
Steve nodded, not having to force the small smile on his lips. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." As Tony started the car, the engine roaring to life, he caught glimpse of the design on the tablet and tried to peer over to see what it was. "What are you working on?"
"Huh? Oh, uh. Um it's a..." He shrugged, slipping on his sunglasses. "Nothing, it's stupid."
"No, what is it?"
Tony watched Steve in silence, but didn't have to question whether or not he should show him his design. He didn't have to question if he could trust him. Tony knew this answer already; he knew it better than he knew anything else.
"It's... Well, look." Passing over his tablet, Tony showed him what seemed to be an armor. As he tapped the screen, though, it was obvious that it was something much bigger than just an armor. There were notes scribbled on the corners, indicating repulsor technology and an aiming and firing system. The chest plate displayed the arc reactor that Tony had implanted in his own chest, and unconsciously he shifted slightly in his seat, as if seeing it was a reminder that it was in there.
Steve noticed it, and knew it was something that Tony still struggled with, but didn't say anything about it for now. "Is that..."
"To power it." He smirked. "It's like the suit's heart."
"So, what is it? A man of iron?"
Tony chuckled at that, powering down the tablet so he could start driving. "Something like that. We'll need to come up with a good name for it."
Steve smiled. "'We,' huh?"
Before pulling out of his spot, Tony leaned over and kissed Steve's lips. "Yes," he answered with a smile of his own. "'We.' Is that okay?"
Brushing a stray curl away from Tony's face, Steve nodded. "Yes. It's definitely okay."
***
part one | part two | part three | part four | part five