After living through hell for months, Yamato is finally free from Ken and ready to move on with his life. But are things ever really that simple? Sequel to Untold Secrets. References to rape/sexual abuse and suicide. Some violence/swearing.
[Digimon] M, drama/hurt/comfort, 6005 (115389) words, published 01-26-16
UPDATE This chapter is the final version
previous chapter
Waiting
by: butterflie
chapter fifteen, those stand-still moments
Book Two
tick tock tick tock go the hands of the clock
it's the border time, the time between end and beginning
tick tock tick tock went the hands of the clock
they've all aligned
I was waiting there speechless
for a sorrow so deep it would make me laugh
I was waiting there speechless
for a joy so great it would bring me to tears
sealed in in a room devoid of others' warmth
I'm stretching my cold hand forward
no one else knows where I am
- Hello Sleepwalkers, goya no machiawase.
Friday morning dawned, and found me in a weird mix of apprehension, sadness, and relief. Last night at Yamato’s had been rough on me emotionally. I was relieved he had stopped me before it went too far, but wish he had stopped me even sooner, as it was clear he wasn’t ready for us to get anywhere near that far yet. I was also relieved that he had called me last night, but sad that he had still felt the need to apologise for his reaction. More so, I was sad that he’d been hurt so badly by Ken. I hated seeing him look so broken and terrified and hurt. I wanted to take all the pain away from him, make it so he forgot what ever happened to him and only knew the good.
The apprehension I was feeling, however, I couldn’t really explain. I had no reason to be apprehensive about anything. Yamato wasn’t mad at me, I didn’t have any big tests, I’d done all my homework... Any reassurances I gave myself didn’t help though, and as there wasn’t much else I could do, I just shrugged it off and headed to Yamato’s to walk with him to school.
The morning dragged by slowly, but finally lunch rolled around. We left Nakamura Sensei’s class in a hurry, heading over to our lockers for our lunches and afternoon books. “Hey, do you mind if we eat in the old gym today?” Yamato asked me. “I want to talk to you about something.”
I shrugged. “Fine by me.” I didn’t care where we ate, so as long as we actually ate. I was starving. I hated having third lunch this year. I shut my locker and followed him outside and down the familiar path, looking around to make sure no teachers were nearby. I nodded the all-clear to Yamato, and we slipped in and headed over to our usual spot under the bleachers. Once we got settled and had started in on our food, I asked him what was up.
He sighed, looking at down at the rest of his bento, then pushed it away. “Tetsuya was waiting for me after second period to deliver a threat.”
I clenched my fist reflexively, angered at hearing that. “What’d that bastard say?” I growled. I didn’t even really care, I just wanted to punch his face in. But that’s how we’d wound up in this mess in the first place.
Yamato shook his head. “It doesn’t really matter, the same stupid stuff they’ve been saying. But it’s starting to really scare me, Taichi. They’re not usually one to just taunt and threat. I’m guessing they’re leading up to something big. I was wondering... do you think we should tell someone what they're doing?”
It was my turn to sigh. “Probably. We probably should have ages ago.” I looked at his shame-filled face and scowled. “I’m not blaming you, so don’t even start in on those thoughts.”
“Right... Who should we tell, then? A teacher maybe? Since they’ve been bothering us at school?”
“I don’t know, would the teachers bother to do anything? Well, other than Tadaji Sensei maybe, he might...”
“Yeah, he did get rid of Kawada Sensei for me, even if he won’t actually admit it. But I’m not sure what he could do about Kento’s gang...”
“Hmm...” I paused, lost in thought for a moment. “What about your dad?” I asked tentatively. “I mean, he at least knows we’ve had a run-in with them before, back when you had that first panic attack.”
“More than that...” he mumbled.
“Huh?”
“He knows more than that,” he said. “The night I left you at the hospital, I told him pretty much everything up to that point. But he’s not aware that Sento is out of the hospital and the others have been threatening and harassing us.”
“Oh,” I said a bit faintly, surprised. Yamato seemed to always try to keep his dad out of the loop until the last possible moment, I hadn’t expected him to have already told the truth about the twin terrors. “Well then, I definitely think we should tell him. We won’t have to catch him up on the whole story, and he’ll probably know better what to do, and be able to help us.”
“I guess so,” Yamato agreed, though he didn’t look very happy about it. "He already tried talking to the school though, and they said they couldn't do anything unless something happened."
“Well now something is happening," I pointed out. "And I know you don’t like for him to worry, but if it’ll keep us safe I’d rather him worry a little,” I added gently.
“I know, I know...”
“Tonight then? I’ll come home with you and we can tell him once he’s home from work?”
Yamato nodded.
* * *
Afternoon classes passed by in a drag. I felt on edge, just wanting them to be over already so we could go home and wait on Mr. Ishida to tell him about Kento’s gang. Thinking about Tetsuya threatening Yamato was getting under my skin, and the more I thought about it, the more my blood boiled. I was afraid of doing something stupid if I saw them again. I wanted to be able to tell an adult and let them handle it.
And like Yamato, I also didn’t like that we didn’t know what was going on with Sento. Kenji had once again dutifully reported in to us during third period, but didn’t have much new to tell us other than that his mother was beside herself with worry because neither of the twins had come home since Sento was released. I didn’t know what to think about it.
Finally, the last class ended, the sound of the bell sending a feeling of relief washing over me. I quickly packed up and waited for the other students to clear out, going over to Yamato. “Ready to go?” I asked him quietly, and he merely nodded.
We waved goodbye to Tadaji Sensei as we left. Yamato was visibly nervous, and I wondered just what it was Tetsuya had said to him. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand as we headed down the halls to the front of the school, trying to help him feel a bit calmer and safer. After we had made it out and down the walk a bit without any run-ins, Yamato at last relaxed, finally smiling at me. “Sorry,” he said.
I squeezed his hand briefly. “Don’t be.”
We started the walk home quietly, neither of us really feeling the need to talk, just enjoying the silence of each others’ company. However, we’d only just barely made it out of the school when it happened.
A clattering sound behind us made us both whirl around suddenly, fearing the worst, but when I scanned the street and sidewalk, they were empty. Still, my heart was pounding furiously in my chest, and I squeezed Yamato’s hand again, more tightly this time.
We turned back around, only to find Sento in our faces. My eyes widened in panic, but I didn’t have time to react any further, because Sento quickly reared back and delivered a fierce fist to my face.
I staggered back, my bookbag sliding to the ground with a thud as I lost my grip on it. I heard Yamato cry my name out, but I was too stunned to respond. Not that I was really given time to. Before I knew it, Kento, Tetsuya, and Ayashi had all joined us, and had us surrounded. A gleam of metal caught my eye, and I realised Sento had pulled out his knife. Beside me, I heard Yamato’s breathing change, coming faster than usual, and knew he was on the verge of a panic attack. I wanted to reassure him, to tell him that things would be okay, but for the first time I didn’t believe it, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him.
“Move,” Sento growled at us, and with the threat of four plus a knife against two, we had no choice but to comply. They led us a little further down the sidewalk, ducking down a small alleyway just before the area turned residential.
I was scared. I was so damn scared. They had a knife, and they were getting us out of sight, and I was terrified they were going to kill us. If this is what Yamato had felt when they’d attacked him before, I didn’t blame him one bit for not being able to talk about it before, and I now felt horribly ashamed I’d tried to push him to.
The four of them circled us, with Tetsuya and Ayashi on my side and Kento and Sento’s on Yamato’s. I cringed away a bit, pressing myself up against Yamato. I was worried for him, he was definitely going into a full-blown panic attack, and I knew he had to be just terrified as I was, if not more so.
I swallowed. “Look, it’s me you guys want. Leave him out of this, he had nothing to do with any of it.”
Sento laughed darkly, glaring over at me. “I don’t think so.”
I tried to think of something to say to that, but wasn’t given a chance. Tetsuya's arms were suddenly around my waist, lifting me up and away from Yamato, and they were surprisingly strong. I squirmed and tried to wriggle out of his grasp to no avail. He carried me a short distance away, further into the alley, with Ayashi following after him. "Let me go!" I cried, not wanting to be away from Yamato and scared that they were separating us. Without warning, Tetsuya suddenly flung me to the ground.
"Shut up," he growled, his eyes narrowed down at me, glaring darkly.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ayashi advancing towards me, and I focused my attention on him, expecting an attack. Unfortunately, this left me completely unprepared for the sharp kick Tetsuya suddenly delivered to my side. I grunted, feeling the pain, knowing there'd be a bruise tomorrow. If I lived to see it. Tetsuya's foot rose to kick me again, and I reached out with my hands and grabbed it, causing him to fall flat on his ass. "I don't think so," I spit out angrily. Even though I was terrified, and half-convinced I was going to die, I wasn’t going to just lay there and let them kill me. And I wanted to get back to Yamato, to try to protect him. I knew there was little chance of him fighting back in his state. However, Tetsuya scrambled to his feet too quick for me to have a chance to do anything, looking slightly caught off-balance.
"You little shit," he hissed at me. "Ayashi!"
Oh shit. I'd already forgotten Ayashi again. This would have been so much easier if there was just one of them, and if I wasn’t distracted out of my mind with worry for what Kento and Sento might be doing to Yamato. I moved to get to my feet, to scramble away or at least have a better chance to defend myself, but before I could I was yanked roughly to my feet and held back tightly against Ayashi's body, arms brought behind my back and intertwined with Ayashi's painfully. I made to run, but I was tugged tighter back against Ayashi, and then Tetsuya was right in front of me, effectively blocking any escape.
He grinned, and then lowered his face directly before mine. The next thing I knew, wet lips were being pressed roughly against my own, and Tetsuya's tongue shoved into my mouth. I gagged, and he pulled back, still grinning sadistically. "I always wanted to do that. You have such pretty lips Yagami, they were practically begging to be kissed."
"Bastard," I hissed venomously. I felt sick, and violated. Of all the things I'd been expecting from them, that had been the last thing on my mind. It was also yet another small taste of what Yamato must have been feeling these past months, being violated by Ken. It only made me angrier on his behalf.
"Oh, don't take it personally, Yagami. We've been ordered to distract you until Kento and Sento are finished with Yamato, so why not have a little fun while we wait, hmm?" And then he laughed, truly enjoying this. That angered me more than the kiss had, more than anything they'd ever done to me or Yamato before... That they could be enjoying this... Kenji had tried to warn me, and I thought I’d understood, but now I realised I hadn’t really, not until I was truly confronted with it.
"Son of a bitch!" I screamed at him, then. A sudden rush of adrenaline fuelled by emotions enabled me to break hold of Ayashi's tight grip, and I flung myself forward, tackling Tetsuya, my weight and rage throwing his tall, thin body to the ground quite easily. I started in on him, flinging punches left and right without taking the time to aim, the anger giving me a strength I didn’t normally possess. However, my advantage was short-lived as I was soon pulled off of him by Ayashi, who I’d once again failed to take in to account.
He pushed me back down to the ground, holding me down with a booted foot, and after Tetsuya climbed back to his feet and wiped at the blood flowing from his nose, he threw himself on top of me. He didn’t weigh much, but it was still enough to momentarily knock the breath out of me.
He leaned down again, presumably to kiss me, but before he could I did my best to spit in his face. His eyes darkened, and his mouth opened-whether to say something or spit back, I didn’t get the chance to find out, because just then the most pain-filled scream I'd ever heard rang out down the alleyway, echoing across the buildings around us. It froze my blood, and even managed to stop Tetsuya and Ayashi in their tracks. I took advantage of their momentary distraction to shove Tetsuya back off me and get to my feet again, and then looked over to where the others were. What I saw...
Yamato was sitting on top of Kento, who was looking decidedly and surprisingly beat up. But I was more alarmed by the fact that Yamato’s blazer and shirt were missing, and dark red blood was rapidly staining Yamato’s undershirt with an ever-widening circle. Slightly off to the side of them, Sento was standing and holding his knife, looking smugly satisfied with himself, the shiny metal of the blade now smeared with red. I could only stare in horror as Yamato slowly reached his fingers down and touched the area where the wound was in disbelief, his eyes wide. He raised his blood-covered fingers to his face, letting out a low moan, the sound so intense and full of pain and horror that I physically flinched from it.
It was the sound of Sento's sick laughter that managed to snap me out of my shock.
"You fucking bastard!" I screamed in fury at the top of my lungs, and, completely ignoring Ayashi and Tetsuya now, tried to launch myself at Sento. Hastily Ayashi reached out and grabbed my legs to stop me, causing me to fall down flat on my face, too fast to break my fall.
I raised my head to check on Yamato, not even caring that I'd bloodied my nose and scraped up my face pretty bad in the fall. Sento had pulled him off Kento by now, and they had him up against the wall of one of the buildings, laughing as they kicked and punched at him while he huddled miserably, unable to defend himself, occasionally crying out as Sento deliberately aimed for his new knife wound.
I started to kick my legs, trying to get free, tears pricking at my eyes in frustration and anger, my fear for Yama causing a lump in my throat. When my shoe finally connected squarely with Ayashi’s jaw, I was momentarily pleased, thinking I could get free and get to Yamato. However, he didn't loosen his hold, and I was forced to remain in his grasp as my energy ran out, watching helplessly as Kento and Sento worked on beating my boyfriend to death. Dimly I heard Tetsuya and Ayashi laughing and shouting, cheering their fellow gang members on, but I ignored them both, no longer caring.
"Yamato..." I sobbed quietly. I was drowning in emotional sorrow, hating myself for not being able to save him, to protect him and never let any more harm come to him. Why did it have to come to this? How had it come to this... I knew it was my fault. But I had never expected this... How careless and foolish I'd been. If only there was something I could still do, something to save him... I didn’t want to lose him! I didn’t want to die like this! With my thoughts giving me renewed strength, I tried once again to break free from Ayashi, but he just swore at me and held on tighter.
Annoyed at being interrupted, Tetsuya turned around and slapped me so hard across the face my ears started to ring. "Stop it and stay still!" he commanded angrily. So I continued to watch helplessly, hating myself all the more. Then Yamato suddenly went slack against the wall of the building he’d been tossed against, and I had to close my eyes against fresh tears, terror-filled noises clawing their way out of my throat. I was hoping desperately he had only fainted. Still, I had to do something fast, or else he'd lose too much blood and he'd...
"No!" I cried, opening my eyes again. I wouldn't let that happen! Yamato wasn’t going to die, I refused to lose him! I tried one more time to get free, doing everything I could think of to get Ayashi to let go of me. Loud shouting in the distance caught my attention, and I jerked my head up and towards the source. I couldn’t believe it when I saw who was doing the shouting, and even briefly ceased my struggling.
Framing the entrance to the alleyway was Kenji, shouting words I couldn't quite make out and waving his arms a bit frantically. And trailing a little behind him, looking a bit reluctant, was Ken.
I had no idea what to make of it. Kenji had seemed just as clueless about his brothers’ whereabouts as the rest of us, so how had he known where to find us? And what in the world was Ken of all people doing with him? Ken, who'd tortured and abused Yamato, who'd plagued him with nightmares and fear for months, who'd nearly killed him, who'd driven him to attempt suicide, who'd used Yamato's body for his own twisted pleasure just because Yamato didn't return his feelings.
Ken, who'd never been quite right in the head, who'd lost not only his older brother, but his baby brother as well. Ken, who'd been the Kaiser in the Digital World all those ages ago, and who once had never been fully trusted by anyone other than Daisuke but who’d later made a very close friend of Yamato. Ken, who'd been locked away for good, only to escape some weeks later just to try and apologise to Yamato for everything he’d done and then disappeared again when Yamato wouldn’t accept it.
Ken, who was now in the alleyway with us along with Kenji somehow. But with good or bad intentions? I had no way of knowing.
Kenji approached his brothers, still shouting angrily. I was able to make out his words now, and heard him cry, "Kento! Sento! Stop it! Stop hurting him! Let them go!"
Ken came closer as well, making his way over to where I was still being held by Ayashi and Tetsuya. I cringed back a bit, unsure if he meant to join or help, but he completely ignored me, instead looking at Tetsuya and Ayashi, glaring, the violet in his eyes dark. "Let Taichi go," he hissed menacingly, and there was such venom and loathing in his voice that I flinched in surprise, much the same way I had at Yamato's scream.
Obediently and immediately Ayashi let go of me, and the two of them backed off, hands raised in the air. "H-hey.. no harm done, right Ken? We were just following your cousin's orders..."
Cousin? I frowned in confusion, the implications in Tetsuya’s words unsettling me. And the fact that he had such power over the two of them left me even less sure of what was going on than what I had thought a minute ago.
"Well, now you're following mine," he told them coldly. "And don't even think about going anywhere."
"Of-of course not!" Ayashi laughed, a bit nervously. "Wouldn't miss any of this for the world..."
I ignored the rest of this, and finally ran over to Yamato, who was now left alone as Kenji was fighting with his brothers. I knelt down anxiously by his side. Very, very gently, I attempted to pull up his undershirt, wanting to see the wound and assess the damage. The second my fingers tugged, his eyes snapped open wide, and he let out another ear-shattering scream. It tore at my heart, but I jerked my hand away instantly, instead putting it on his shoulder, trying not to show any of the fear and pain I felt. "Yamato, it's me, Taichi," I said softly. "I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Can you look at me?”
He slowly lifted his head up and attempted to focus his eyes onto mine, though he was unable to hold my gaze for more then a second or two before he went unfocused again. His breathing was laboured and shallow, and it scared me deeply.
He closed his eyes again then, consciousness slipping back away from him. I swallowed hard, blinking back tears. He needed an ambulance, now. I got back to my feet hurriedly and looked around for my bookbag, knowing my cell was in it. I didn’t see it anywhere. I continued searching with my eyes frantically, trying to think what had happened to it. Then I remembered. It had tumbled to the ground when Sento had punched me, and had been left behind. Cursing, I moved toward the entrance, wanting to go after it, but was suddenly thrown to the ground as Kento slammed into my side, shoved by Ken.
I gasped out, the wind knocked out of me, and managed to reach up and shove Kento off. Ken approached us both, and didn’t give the other boy a chance to get up before he was on him again, attacking for all he was worth. I decided to leave him to it, not feeling quite amicable enough to actively help him despite his saving me, and turned to leave again.
I caught sight of Sento as I did, shocked to see him and Kenji locked tight in a struggle. Sento had his knife out, and Kenji was only just managing to keep his brother from sticking it in his chest. However, blood was flowing sluggishly from both his side and his stomach, and I knew Sento had already had a bit of fun with his brother. I paused in distraction, now torn between wanting to help him or go get my phone and send for EMS.
"Dammit," I cursed. Kenji heard me and looked over at me, his eyes locking with mine, pleading for me to help him, though he'd never admit it out loud.
There was nothing for it. I rushed over and bowled into Sento from the side, knocking him away from Kenji. Then I came around him from behind and pushed him to the ground, throwing myself on top of him and getting in a few good punches, not even caring about the knife at the moment. However, it didn’t take long for him to reach up and get a good hold on me, and he managed to pull me down and roll me over, now on top of me and pinning me to the ground. I cursed and struggled and tried to push him off me.
Where the fuck was Kenji? I’d helped him, why hadn’t he joined me in attacking Sento? I hoped he wasn’t hurt worse than I’d realised, though it had looked like Sento’s knife had only slashed him, not stabbed him like Yamato.
"Asshole!" I cried, frustrated at finding myself yet again trapped. "Get... OFF!" I tried once more, vainly, to shove Sento away. He merely laughed and stayed firmly on top of my chest, one hand holding both my wrists down, the other lightly trailing his knife down my chest, too lightly to even cut through my shirt, but with just enough pressure for me to clearly get the threat.
Tears lurked in the corners of my eyes again. I just wanted to be free and go call for help. I was starting to find it difficult to draw a full breath. Sento wasn’t fat, but he had plenty of muscle, and he was heavy. It felt like he was crushing me... like he'd push my lungs straight through my back and into the pavement below.
Out of nowhere, Kenji came flying into Sento from the side, his knife tumbling through the air, arcing high before clattering back down to the ground close to the wall, while Sento himself was pushed off of me. The momentum was too much for Kenji though, and he stumbled and fell, landing on top of my groin and legs, his weight nearly as heavy as Sento’s.
Great. I no longer had Sento on me, but now I was trapped by Kenji, who was too injured to move himself anymore.
Momentarily forgetting me, Sento quickly righted himself and went and snatched his knife off the pavement, then turned to face his brother. "You stupid little fucker," he hissed. He advanced slowly toward Kenji, knife in hand.
"Sento! Please! Stop this," Kenji begged. "It's... insane. It's gone too far... Please, just stop... I don’t want to have to watch you kill anyone else..." There were tears in both his eyes and voice, the sorrow he felt almost tangible around us.
"Kenji," I said softly to him. "It's not going to do any good... he won't listen to you. You might as well not try."
"But I have to try! I have to... I can't... I can't let anyone get hurt anymore. I'm sick of it, sick of living with the guilt and fear... sick of living with the knowledge of all the awful things my brothers have done. Not only to me, and to my friends and family, but to others as well, people I don't know... some I never will because they're now dead thanks to my brothers!" There was no mistaking the disgust in his voice when he referred to them as his brothers, and quite suddenly I felt ashamed for ever having doubted him before.
"Kenji. Shut up, little brother," Sento growled softly, still creeping toward him. I found it weird he would drag it out so long, but I suppose he knew we were trapped and had nowhere to go, and wanted to savour the moment.
"Kenji," I whispered. "Kenji, quick, listen. You've got to get off me, let me move and stop him. Otherwise he'll probably kill us both."
"I... I can't," he mumbled.
"Why not?! You've got to!"
"But... I can't... I can't move anymore... it hurts way too much!"
"Kenji... please," I pleaded. "If you don’t, he’ll surely kill not only us, but Yamato and probably even Ken. If you care about any of us at all, please move now."
Kenji glanced up at me, and then he nodded, a determined expression settling into his face. He managed to move his arms and place his palms flat against the ground, and attempted to raise himself up, his face grimacing and contorting into a horrifying expression of pain. He was able to lift up a little, but not enough for me to pull myself free. He collapsed back on top of me, breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face, skin gone pale. "I can't!" he cried again.
"Try again," I urged. “I just need you to lift up enough for me to slide out, come on-” But it was too late. Sento was upon us now. "Need some help, Kenji?" he asked nastily, grinning. Then he pulled Kenji off of me by the hair. Kenji let out a shrill scream of pain, closing his eyes and whimpering softly. "No, Sento, please don't... I don't want to die..."
I should have gotten up then, should have tried to stop Sento, or ran for my bag and called for help, anything except lay there in frozen horror and watch as the inevitable slowly happened.
"Too late for that, little brother," Sento smirked. "You should have just stayed out of this. You might have had a better chance of seeing tomorrow." He tossed Kenji down on the ground, a look of such grotesque contempt and hatred in his face that I couldn’t bear to look at it. The words he said next didn’t really make much sense to me, though I suppose Kenji understood them. “It was never fair. Why did you always get to be free, and I didn’t? Because I was first? Because I was attached?”
He dropped down next to his brother, grabbing another fistful of his hair again, and yanked Kenji’s head up. “Look at me!” he demanded, but Kenji merely whimpered, and kept his eyes closed.
“Why weren’t you chosen as well?!” Sento screamed at him in a rage, and slammed Kenji’s head forcefully back down against the ground, the loud crack echoing sickeningly around the alleyway, almost masking Kenji’s groan of pain. I was crying now, too horrified to even think about moving, and too caught up in the moment to remember I needed to get help.
Sento spit on Kenji in disgust, and then raised his knife above his body, preparing to plunge it down into him. I quickly closed my eyes and turned my head, not wanting to actually watch, not wanting to see someone who’d been a friend to me get murdered. I hated myself harder than ever in that moment. I should have done something, should have got up and tried to shove him out of the way, or pulled him back against me... if it had even just been his arm stabbed or something...
Even with the bit of distance between us, I felt the blood spatter against my cheek. A heart-wrenching scream tore out of Kenji, and I sobbed harder, wondering if he was dead yet. I wondered if Yamato was dead too, and if I’d be next.
But then I heard more shouts and scuffling, and I opened my eyes again, looking back towards them. I was surprised to see Ken tangled up with Sento, the two of them viciously clawing, punching, and kicking at each other. Sento’s knife had fallen to the ground. I looked for Kento, confused, and saw him some feet away on the ground, unconscious. Tetsuya and Ayashi were kneeling beside him, such wide-eyed looks of shock and horror and disbelief on their faces that I almost felt sorry for them. I doubted they had expected things to turn this dark.
Then I gathered up my courage and looked over at Kenji. He was amazingly still alive, chest rising and falling slowly, the front of his shirt soaked in blood. Blood was also trickling down on his side, forming a little puddle around him. What scared me the most was that some was also trailing out of his mouth on one side. Somehow I managed to break out of my shock, getting to my knees and crawling over to him. His breathing was ragged and uneven, and little bubbles of blood kept popping in his mouth, making a small wet smacking sound.
"Oh no..." I moaned through my tears. Frantically I began to rip off my shirt, a burst of anger thrumming through me as it caught on my elbows. Finally I had it off and anxiously pressed it as tight as I could against Kenji's chest, trying my best to stop the blood, though I knew the chance of him making it was very slim.
"Kenji, listen... Dammit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I should have done something sooner... Listen, don't die, okay? You can't die, the band needs you, Yamato needs you, we all need you... Oh please," I moaned, even more tears spilling down my cheeks and splashing onto his red-stained shirt. "Kenji, I swear if you die on us... Please don’t... Kenji..."
"I... ha..." Kenji moved his mouth, opened and closed it a few times.
"Kenji?" I asked, hastily wiping away a few tears. "Kenji, don't try to talk. Gotta save your breath, save your strength so you'll pull through, you can make this..."
"S... sorry..." he rasped out, completely ignoring everything I'd just said.
Despite my best efforts, more tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed. "Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"I... tried... couldn't save... you guys..."
"You... you idiot," I choked out. "Of course you did.. You saved Yamato, and you saved me, and I'll always be grateful. There's nothing to be sorry for. But none of it matters, because you aren't going to die, do you understand?!"
Very faintly, he nodded. Then he closed his eyes, and took one last burbling breath. I watched as his chest stopped moving up and down, not wanting to believe it. "Kenji? Kenji! SHIT!" I pressed down harder with my shirt, as if it would do anything now. "Kenji? Fuck! I didn't say you could do this, I didn't give you permission to go and die on me!" I was crying so hard now I could barely see anything through my tears, but I certainly felt Ken's hands roughly shoving me aside.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" I shouted at him, voice slightly slurred from my grief. "You asshole, get off him!"
"Taichi!" Ken's voice cut through sharply. "Now is not the time! Help me!" I watched, confused, as he began to make some sort of pumping motions on Kenji's chest, and then I understood. CPR. Not that I thought it'd do much good. Kenji had lost too much blood. Still, I bent down over his face and put my lips against his mouth, trying to breath the life back into him, ignoring the metallic taste of his blood as best as I could.
"I called an ambulance a bit ago," Ken grunted. "Should be here shortly."
I looked up at him then, only just noticing the tears making their way down his own cheeks. In a way, I should have been surprised, and relieved, but all I felt was a strange numbness that masked anything else I might have felt. So I just nodded, and went back to my futile efforts of dragging Kenji back from the dead.
Wherever Yamato was, I could only hope he hadn’t suffered the same fate.
I breathed into Kenji once more, silently begging him to gasp, to cough, to magically come back to life the way I’d always seen in movies. But he lay still and unmoving, no sign of responsiveness left in him. Still, I didn't let up, knowing I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try as hard as I could to save him.
I was still trying when the ambulance arrived five minutes later.
chapter fifteen end. (26 january 2016 0841PM)
soundtrack for chapter fifteen:
bastille - pompeii
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