Unequivocal, Chapter 02
Who knew a single drunken mistake could lead to a lifetime of consequences? Yamato sure didn't think so, but now he's got less than a year to figure out how to be a dad and he's not sure he can. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 2209 (4728) words, published 08-27-16
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Unequivocal
by: butterflie Chapter Two
Trick
"This... this is the baby?" he asks, looking down at the small black and white picture in his hands with awe. It's near the end of January now, and they're once again on the roof of the school, though this time the weather isn't nearly as bitterly cold. Doesn't mean he wouldn't rather be inside still, though he'll have to walk home after this anyway.
She nods at him. "It's twelve weeks. I don't know the sex yet. I have to go back for a second ultrasound in another couple of months or so, they'll look for anything wrong and tell me if it's a boy or a girl then."
"Yeah, it's fine, I... thank you," he says, feeling somewhat awkward. He doesn't know exactly what he should say. Her matter-of-fact tone and clear disinterest leaves him feeling a bit adrift. He looks again at the picture in his hands. He can see the head, and the feet, and what looks like one of its hands sticking up, the tiny fingers clenched in a fist. This is his kid. His. He made this kid.
"I'll text you if anything comes up," Megumi tells him, and waves goodbye.
He carefully puts the picture of his baby back in the envelope, and then puts the envelope in his book bag, between two textbooks so it won't get crushed. Then he heads home.
His dad's still at work when he lets himself into the apartment, so he goes back to his room, where he pulls the picture out again and spends awhile laying on his bed, just looking at it. He's still trying to wrap his mind around this tiny thing in Megumi's stomach being his baby. Mostly when he thinks about himself raising a baby, it still feels unreal. Even with the picture. Though the picture helps, it still doesn't feel entirely real yet. He can't quite fully believe that in six months, his baby is going to be born. A baby that came from him, that shares his genes.
There's also the fact that thinking about being a dad is terrifying. He doesn't know the first thing about being a parent, or having to raise a baby. What if he screws something up, and then screws his kid up? What if the kid winds up hating him, or resenting him for not having a mother? He doesn't even know how to learn how to be a parent. It's not like he can just do it over if he messes up.
Eventually he hears his dad coming home, so he quickly gets up and puts the picture away, hiding it in the bottom of his desk drawer. It wouldn't do to have his dad see the picture before he's had a chance to tell him. That would probably end in disaster. Once he's made sure the picture is secure, he goes out to his greet his dad.
"Hi dad," he says. "How was work?"
"Seems like all of the staff wanted to slack off today," his dad grumbles, sliding his slippers on. He pads into the living room and sits down in his recliner with a groan, loosening his tie.
"You wouldn't let them though, right?"
"Of course not! But every time I turned around, someone would be chatting to another co-worker, or messing around, or just not where he was supposed to be... I don't know what got into them today."
"Wizarmon's not haunting the station again, is he?" Yamato asks with a grin.
His dad rolls his eyes. "I sure hope not."
He lets his dad go on about work for awhile longer, falling quiet as he wonders if this will be him in sixteen years... his kid listening to him gripe about work as he nods in all the right places. The thought seems so foreign to him. He can't even picture himself with a regular job like his dad. All he's ever wanted to do is just make music with the band.
Is it even possible to have a band when you've got a kid?
"You alright?" his dad asks, finally abandoning the subject of Fuji TV. "You're quieter than usual tonight."
He blinks, focusing on his dad again. "Yeah. Just thinking."
"About what?"
My future kid. "Oh... you know. School. The band. The usual." He grins a little. It's not entirely a lie, anyway. He thinks again about the picture hidden away in his desk drawer, and wonders how his dad reacted to seeing the first ultrasound picture of him. He wonders how mad his dad will be when he finally finds the courage to tell him about the baby. Maybe he should borrow some courage from Taichi for a bit. He'd rather face all four of the Dark Masters and Vamdemon than have to tell his dad right now.
"If you're sure," his dad says doubtfully.
"Yep," he says. "What do you want for dinner?"
"Are you offering to cook tonight?"
"Why not?" he calls over his shoulder as he goes into the kitchen. He'll have to start doing it for his kid soon enough. Might as well start the habit now.
* * *
"Hey." Taichi leans over, poking him with a chopstick. "What's up with you? You've been staring off into space."
Yamato blinks, looking at his friend before he shakes his head, saying nothing as he looks down at his mostly uneaten meal. Lunch is nearly over, he needs to eat fast.
"You were somewhere else," Taichi persists, returning to his own nearly gone meal.
He swallows a large bite of vegetables, quickly thinking of an excuse. He can't very well say he was thinking about the ultrasound picture he got a few days ago. "Just thinking about the next song I need to come up with for the band."
Taichi looks skeptical, but lets it drop, and they finish their meals in silence. He's not even sure yet why he hasn't told Taichi. It's not like he plans to keep it a secret forever, and Taichi is probably the first person he'd want to tell before anyone else.
But, he has to admit that he's a little afraid of Taichi's reaction... He doesn't really think Taichi would judge him, but... that fear is still there. He doesn't want Taichi to think badly of him. And if there's ever any chance that Taichi might like him back, he doesn't want this to ruin it.
* * *
"Hey, you heard the rumours about that girl Megumi yet?"
"Huh?" Yamato jerks his head up. They're walking home from school and as usual, he's spent most of it lost in thought. It's the nearing the end of February now, and though the days are still short and chilly, they've begun to brighten up, the afternoon sun chasing away the winter gloom of January. The trees are still barren, the ground littered with their fallen leaves, but soon enough some of them will begin to flower, hinting at the warm spring weather to come. Megumi is coming to the end of her fourth month.
"Supposedly Megumi's pregnant, have you heard that?"
His stomach twists. "Mm-hmm." She's starting to show, her stomach swelling slightly as the baby inside her continues to grow. My baby, he thinks.
"It's kind of surprising," Taichi continues on, kicking at some leaves as they walk. "I was in a class with her a couple of years ago and she was always so quiet. I wonder who the dad is."
"Mmm," Yamato says. Maybe he should just go ahead and tell Taichi. He's not likely to get an easier opportunity, after all. And he's been thinking about it a lot for the past month. He really doesn't believe Taichi would think less of him in any way. Yes, he thinks. This is the best chance I'm gonna get.
"I heard it's Akihito, they apparently eat lunch together all the time, at least that's what Yukari was saying."
"Maybe," Yamato says dismissively.
"You don't think so?" Taichi asks, sounding interested. "Who do you think it is then?"
He's silent for a moment. "Me."
"Yeah right," Taichi says, laughing.
Yamato doesn't laugh. Taichi glances over at him. There's another moment of silence. "...Are you serious?"
He stops walking and puts his head in his hands for a moment. Then he lowers his hands, looking ahead at Taichi, who's stopped by now as well. He takes a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm going to be a dad." Saying it out loud moves it up a notch on the "feels real" metre.
"...Shit." Taichi says, looking startled. "How? I mean, I know how, but how...? Did you not use, err, protection...?" He's blushing. Yamato would find it cute if his heart wasn't pounding out of his chest with anxiety at finally having told his best friend.
He looks around, spotting a slatted wooden bench just off the sidewalk, and motions Taichi to it even as he goes to sit down himself. Once they're both settled, bags on the ground, he speaks. "I met her after one of our lives. I recognised her from school, and from a few other lives. We started talking. She was nice, and I could tell she had a crush on me. I didn't like her that way, but we wound up crashing a party and got to drinking, and, well... it just happened," he says, a bit rueful, glancing to the side at Taichi, who's got a serious look on his face as he listens. He runs a hand through his hair. "I didn't have anything on me. We didn't even think about it. Truthfully... she was my first."
"Damn, hell of an outcome for your first time..." Taichi says, shaking his head, but there's a sympathetic tone to his words that Yamato appreciates. "So, what is she going to do?"
"Do?" Yamato asks blankly, not following for a moment.
"I mean, are you guys keeping it, or is she giving it away, or...?" He trails off, leaving Yamato to answer.
"I'm keeping it," he tells Taichi quietly.
"Just you?" Taichi asks in confusion.
He nods, and relaxes into the bench some, feeling relieved. The most nerve-wracking part of the conversation is now over, and thankfully Taichi seems to be taking it well. "She doesn't want anything to do with the baby, I guess. She was going to give it up for adoption, but I couldn't go through life knowing my kid was out there somewhere and I didn't know about it or where the kid was, or that it never knew about me. She's okay with me taking the kid," he explains. He glances over at his best friend, who's looking a bit shocked by now.
"How are you going to manage it with school and everything?"
"I don't know yet," he says, sighing. "I'll have to figure it out, I guess..."
Taichi shakes his head a bit, as if he can't believe everything he's hearing. "Your dad know?"
"No. You're the first person I've told. Please don't tell him, or anyone else. I want to tell people myself, when I've got more things figured out." He gives Taichi a pleading look.
"Yeah, of course, Yamato," Taichi responds easily. "You know I wouldn't. And I'm here for you if you need anything, you know that," he adds with a grin.
"Yeah." Yamato smiles back. He does know it. Taichi's had his back ever since they were kids tossed into the Digital World. "Thanks, Taichi."
"Don't mention it. Come on, let's go home." Taichi gets to his feet, grabbing his bag, and Yamato does the same, feeling better than he has in weeks.
* * *
Later that night, when he's been home for awhile and finished his homework and eaten dinner, he thinks back on his conversation, realising just how glad he is that Taichi knows now. It's easier knowing that he's not the only person having to carry such a heavy secret around, and that Taichi took it so well has made some of the fear ebb a little. He only wishes it were as easy to tell Taichi the truth about his crush on him.
He also wishes it would be as easy to tell his dad. He doesn't know when would be a good time to, if there ever really is a good time. He doesn't know how to go about it, either. 'Hey dad, I'm gonna be a dad too!'? 'Dad, guess what? I'm having a baby!'? His dad would have a heart attack. He's so not ready to tell his dad.
He wonders how his mom told his dad, when she found out they were having him. Perhaps he could talk to her, maybe tell her first, get her advice on how to tell his dad? Their relationship has improved considerably over the last few years, so he would like for her to know too. And they don't see each other often enough for her to be too mad at him, hopefully. Maybe he can tell her soon. The thought doesn't seem as scary as telling his dad.
The more he thinks about it, the more he feels he can do it. The sooner, the better. There's only about five months left before the baby's born. He can't procrastinate forever. next chapter