Unequivocal, Chapter 03
Who knew a single drunken mistake could lead to a lifetime of consequences? Yamato sure didn't think so, but now he's got less than a year to figure out how to be a dad and he's not sure he can. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 3686 (8414) words, published 09-03-16
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Unequivocal
by: butterflie Chapter Three
C'est La Vie
"Yamato!" Natsuko exclaims as she opens the door, a smile on her face. "Come in."
He does so, smiling a bit nervously at her. He follows her to the couch and sits down, sinking into the floral-patterned cushions. She hovers over him and tries to offer him food and drink, but he refuses politely. He doesn't think his stomach could handle anything right now.
"Takeru's not here," she says once they're both settled. "He's out with friends. I hope you didn't come all this way looking for him."
He shakes his head. He knows Takeru is out, that's why he picked this specific time to come. The last thing he needs is for his little brother to be sticking around, asking endless questions and cracking jokes while he's trying to tell his mom she's about to be a grandma.
"Well, how is school going?" she asks him cheerfully. Even though their relationship has improved over the last four years or so, he still doesn't visit that often. "Almost the end of the year, right? And soon you'll be seventeen!"
He winces. He doesn't need his age pointed out, doesn't want his mom to be thinking of it for this conversation. "It's fine," he says, "but that's not really why I'm here." He can't sit through a bunch of small talk right now. He's so nervous that he wants to throw up. "I need to talk to you."
Immediately she looks concerned, and straightens up slightly, paying closer attention to him. "What is it?"
He grabs the couch pillow next to him and pulls it to his lap, hugging it as he begins fiddling with the fringe. Now that he's here, he doesn't really know how to tell her. He'd decided to, but hadn't thought it through.
"Yamato?" she asks, sounding a bit worried.
He bites down on his lower lip and finally decides to come right out and just say it. He clears his throat and glances up at her. "I'm going to be a dad."
His mom stares at him for a moment, processing his words. "A dad? As in... someone's giving birth to your child?"
She doesn't sound at all happy. He nods miserably, looking down at the pillow in his lap. Why did he think this was a good idea?
"Yamato... how could you? I thought you knew better than this! Didn't your dad give you the talk about protection?"
"Yeah... I was drunk," he admits, mumbling the words a bit, eyes growing a bit wet. He hugs the pillow to him tighter, as if it can somehow protect him from his mom's disappointment and anger.
"Yamato!" she says, sounding even more exasperated with him.
"I'm sorry!" he cries, eyes filling even more with tears that he doesn't let fall. "I know! It was stupid!"
"You can say that again! What about school? You're only sixteen! How are you going to raise a child?"
"I... I don't know yet," he says, voice trembling slightly. He feels awful. He doesn't like disappointing either of his parents. Why hadn't he just gone home that night? Why had he hung around with a girl that he knew had a crush on him? He'd encouraged her. Her eyes had been brown, and warm when she smiled... They'd reminded him of Taichi. One of the songs in their set that night had been written with Taichi in mind, and Taichi had been all he could think about when he'd sang it. Then Megumi had shown up with her eyes and her smile, and he'd just wanted to pretend a little...
And now he's going to have a kid in five months, and his mom is angry, and his dad is going to be too when he finds out... and he has no clue what he's supposed to do. "I still have to figure that part out..." he adds, shame-faced. It's one of the things that's been worrying him so much. He wants his kid, but he has no clue how to handle school at the same time.
"I take it you haven't told your dad yet?"
"No... I was kind of hoping you'd tell me how he might react before I did..."
"Well he won't be any happier about it than I am!" she exclaims heatedly.
"I'm sorry..." He wants to apologise more, to try and calm her down some, but just then the door to the apartment opens.
"I'm home!" Takeru calls. He spots them on the couch and his face lights up. "Yamato, hi!" Then he catches sight of their unhappy faces, and his smile falls. "What's going on?"
"Looks like you're going to be an uncle," his mom spits out angrily before Yamato can say anything, and he winces.
"I... what?" Takeru looks back and forth from Natsuko to Yamato, confusion written on his face. He comes over and takes a seat on the matching smaller sofa opposite them.
Yamato sighs, looking at his little brother. Takeru's only thirteen. He shouldn't have to be an uncle so young. "An uncle, Takeru. I'm going to be a dad."
Takeru's eyes widen. "You are? When? Who's the mom? Do I know her? Does Dad know yet?" The questions come rapid-fire, and Yamato can hardly follow them all. At least Takeru seems to be taking it well, though perhaps he's still young enough to not grasp the full ramifications of being a single teenage dad.
"Woah... one question at a time, little brother. Yes, I am, in about five months. You don't know the mom, she was a girl that came to several of the band's lives and I got to know her a little bit. She doesn't want to be involved in the baby's life, so you don't need to worry about her. And no, Dad doesn't know yet, so please don't tell him, I'd like to do that myself."
"Sure..." Takeru says absently. Yamato can tell he's only half-paying attention by now, his mind likely already flying away to the future, trying to imagine his older brother taking care of a baby. Yamato snorts to himself. It seems a bit ridiculous to him, he can't imagine what Takeru must be thinking. Neither of them are even grown up yet!
He sighs again and looks back over to his mom. "Is... is Dad going to be really mad, do you think?"
His mom's anger softens a bit in the face of her child's obvious fear. "He might be at first, but I'm sure he'll come around. I wouldn't wait too much longer to tell him, though. You'll have a lot to prepare for, and five months will go by before you know it. You said the mom's not helping with the baby?"
"No... she doesn't want it. She's going to give up all her rights to me."
"I see," she says, though he's not sure what to make of the expression on her face. "Well, it may make things a bit easier that way, but we can discuss that more once you've told your dad."
Yamato makes a face at the thought. "He's going to hate me."
"He won't hate you... I'm angry at you, and think it was irresponsible of you to get drunk and then get a girl pregnant, but I don't hate you either. You're still my son. We all make mistakes sometimes, doesn't mean I don't love you."
"Wait... you're going to be a dad because you got drunk?" Takeru interjects gleefully, inadvertently interrupting what might have been a touching moment. "Aren't you supposed to set a better example for me as my big brother?"
Yamato just groans.
* * *
He spends the next few days thinking about how to tell his dad. His mom hadn't really given him any suggestions, and nothing he can come up with really seems like the right way to go. He also spends a lot of time looking at the ultrasound picture Megumi had given him, wondering what his child might be like, and whether it'll be a boy or a girl.
One evening when his dad's been home from work for a few hours and happily settled in front of the television, he decides to approach him. He's been going in circles for days now, and continuing to put it off isn't going to get him anywhere. "Dad? Can I talk to you?"
His dad mutes the television and looks up at him with his full attention. "Sure. What is it?"
Yamato sidles over to the couch, sitting on the edge of the cushion nervously. "I... I did something stupid," he admits, running his fingers through his hair.
His dad immediately looks wary, sitting up a little straighter in the old chair. "Go on," he says in a cautious tone.
He licks suddenly dry lips. He irrationally wishes he'd taken more time to think about this. "Well, I got drunk, and there was this girl..." He trails off, catching sight of his dad's face. Already his dad's looking upset. He's completely screwing this up.
His dad sighs, relaxing back again, stretching his legs out and crossing the ankles. Though still a bit upset, he suddenly looks largely unconcerned now, an experienced man ready to impart his well-earned wisdom to his lesser experienced son. "Let me guess, now she's pursuing you and you need advice on how to let her down easy?"
Oh man, his dad really is going to kill him. He's so not ready for this. "Not exactly..."
"You shouldn't be getting drunk anyway. You're not old enough," his dad chastises, frowning.
"I know... I'm sorry..."
His dad waves it away. "I was a teenager once too, you know. So, what's the problem then?"
He bites down on his lower lip, hesitating. Maybe he should just make something up...?
"Yamato?"
No, he'd still have to tell him the truth later if he doesn't do it now. Best to just come out and say it, like with his mom. "Dad, you're... you're going to be a grandpa. Surprise?" he says weakly. Inside his head he's berating himself. That hadn't been at all how he'd meant to say it! Why did he do that?
His dad stares at him for a moment. "Is this a joke?" he finally asks.
"Why do people keep asking that?" he wonders out loud, before shaking his head a bit. "No dad. No, it's not a joke. In about five months, you're going to have a grandkid. I'm going to be a dad..."
"What were you thinking?"
Yamato winces. His dad's voice is quiet, and that makes it so much worse than if he were yelling. The quiet voice isn't just anger, it's immense disappointment as well. His dad rarely uses this particular voice unless he's done something serious. He swallows and tries not to cry. "Well, I was drunk... I guess I wasn't thinking..."
"Damn right you weren't."
"I'm sorry... I know you're mad, but please, I've been so confused, I don't know what to do..." His voice is breaking, and he's on the verge of crying despite himself. He doesn't want his dad to hate him for this.
His dad lets out a long sigh, rubbing at his eyes wearily. He suddenly looks old, and Yamato feels bad for dumping this news on him. "I can't believe you, Yamato, I thought you knew better than this. I know we talked about it, I even offered to buy you condoms if you needed them!"
"I know, I know..." He wipes at his wet eyes, falling back into the couch. Even though his dad's still mad, it's a relief to finally have the truth out. "I know we talked about it, I just... I was drunk and I really didn't think anything would happen, and then it did somehow... She was my first time, I didn't have anything on me..." He blushes, the bright red of his face clashing with his blond hair.
"I'm pretty sure we covered that too," his dad says with a groan. "If you don't have anything, don't have sex!"
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."
"Hormones," his dad mutters, shaking his head a few times.
They're both quiet for a bit, until Yamato can't stand it anymore. "Am I going to be punished?" he asks in a small voice.
His dad looks at him, his expression serious. "I think the child will be punishment enough. I'm to assume by telling me, you and the mom are keeping it?"
"I am... she doesn't want it."
"How far along is she?"
"Four months... she told me about two months ago. It took me about a week to decide to keep it. The rest of the time has just been trying to figure out how to tell people."
His dad's eyes alight with understanding as he quickly does the mental math. "That's what was bothering you over the holidays."
"She told me last day of winter term. So I had plenty of time to think about it," he says, mouth twisting in a rueful smile. His dad seems a little calmer now, for which he's very thankful. He doesn't know what he would have done if his dad had screamed and hated him and kicked him out, which had been one of his biggest fears to telling him.
"There's a lot to still think about," his dad says, in a cautioning tone.
"I know... what I'm going to do about school and taking care of a baby."
"Among other things," his dad agrees. "But let's stick to school. What do you plan to do?"
"I don't know..." Yamato admits. "I want to stay in school. But babies take up a lot of time, don't they?"
"Yes, they do. Which isn't to say you can't still manage both. But it will be very difficult, and stressful. You'll be exhausted a lot, and may not have a lot of free time for yourself. Are you prepared for that?"
He sits up straighter, wanting his dad to see he's serious. "Yes," he says resolutely. "I already decided, I couldn't live with myself knowing I had a kid out there that I never met, or never met me. So even if it's hard, and I get stressed, I want to keep and raise the baby."
His dad looks at him approvingly. "Okay. So then your two main options are to either find a babysitter to watch the baby while you're in school, or use a daycare."
"Which is better?"
"They both have advantages and disadvantages. We can do some research on the web later to compare. But it really comes down to whichever one you prefer, and also which one is more affordable. Daycares can get expensive fast, especially for infants, as they require a lot more care than a toddler or small child."
"What did you and Mom use for me?" he asks curiously.
"We didn't, not at first," his dad says, shaking his head. "Your mom took a year off from work to stay with you, and then your grandparents watched you for the next year. It was only after that we got a babysitter."
"I lived in France?" he asks, the confusion in his voice reflecting the matching confusion on his face.
His dad laughs in genuine amusement, and he feels mentally reassured that his dad isn't angry anymore. "No, they were living here at the time. They came here when your mom and I got married and decided to stay for a few years. They went back to France shortly after you turned two."
"Oh. Well, I don't have a lot of money right now, so I don't know how I'd pay for daycare or even a babysitter... The band's been bringing in some money since we got signed with that indie label six months ago, but we put most of it right back in, for equipment and stuff. I guess I could keep some of my portion out though... Maybe I could get a job?" He looks at his dad uncertainly. He doesn't know of many teenagers his age who have jobs. He doesn't have a clue what kind of job he could do, or where he could look for one.
"No... you're going to have a hard enough time juggling school, your band, and the baby without adding a second job to the mix."
"Second job?" He frowns at his dad, perplexed. He's pretty sure he'd remember having a job already.
"Your band is your job, even if you just started it as a hobby. You did say you guys wanted to start getting more serious with it, right?"
"Yeah. I mean, we already have gotten serious some, now that we've been signed. We're a real band, we have CDs and merch and a fan club, we put out PVs and held lives, we've done a couple of photo shoots for magazines..." He trails off as he considers it. He'd never thought of his band as a job, but when he thinks about all they've done for it over the last year and the money it already brings in, he realises his dad is right. It is his job.
"Exactly." His dad nods. "If you keep doing well, in another couple of years you'll likely go major, and money won't be a problem. But for now I'm willing to help you out while you're still in school, and I bet your mom is too."
"I... thank you," Yamato says, feeling touched. In all of his worrying about it over the past couple of months, he'd never once given thought to either of his parents helping him out financially, feeling sure they'd make him do it himself.
"So, we'll look at childcare options later and discuss it in more detail once we've done so. We'll also need to go shopping for baby things. Have you thought about where you're going to put the baby?"
"Um..." He looks around the small apartment in despair. It's a perfect size for just him and his dad, but he hasn't given a thought to fitting a child in it. There's more to this baby stuff than he thought. "My room?"
"We'll have to rearrange things to make a crib fit. It might be a tight squeeze. And you'll also need a changing table, a good one with space for diapers and clothes. And you'll need storage for extra clothes and sheets, and something for toys. We'll also need to make room for a playpen later."
Yamato looks at his dad helplessly, his heart sinking. He can't imagine fitting all of that into his bedroom, even with his being the bigger of the two rooms. "Should I... should I not keep the baby after all?"
"What? No!" His dad sounds distressed, and shakes his head. "No, Yamato, that is not what I meant. This is your child. You have the right to raise it, I wouldn't try to take that away from you or talk you out of it. I just want to make you aware of exactly what you are getting into, so there are few surprises."
"I just don't see how all that stuff will fit..."
"We'll find a way. We may look into getting you a few new things too, to help maximise storage space."
He sighs. "This is going to be a lot of shopping."
His dad grins. "You don't even know the half of it."
"Ugh." He makes a face, then jumps up suddenly, remembering something. "Oh!"
"What?" his dad asks, seemingly taken a bit by surprise.
"I just remembered! Hold on!" He races out of the living room, through the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom, where he grabs a well-worn envelope out of his desk drawer before running back to his dad. He goes and sits on the arm of his dad's chair, and his dad looks at the envelope curiously.
"It's... well, here." He opens the envelope gently and pulls out the picture, handing it to his dad.
His dad takes it carefully, looking down at the tiny form in black and white, and doesn't speak.
"It's my baby," Yamato says after a moment, watching him anxiously. "It's too soon to tell if it's a boy or girl..."
His dad looks up at him then, and his eyes are shiny with tears. Yamato's own eyes widen a bit and he suddenly feels a bit uncomfortable. That isn't quite the reaction he was expecting. "You really are going to be a dad," his dad says in wonder, choking up a bit on the words. "I'm going to be a grandpa."
He can't help but smile, though he's not used to seeing such emotion from his dad. "Yeah, you are. Crazy, huh?"
His dad looks back down at the picture again, not responding. After a moment he hands the picture back to Yamato, who puts it back in the envelope.
"So... is it okay?" he asks apprehensively. "You're not too mad?" He doesn't really think his dad is now, but he wants the vocal reassurance just the same.
His dad gives a deep sigh. "I would have liked for you to have been a little more responsible in your choices, but what's done is done. There's no point in me staying angry at you. Besides, we'll have to start preparing for this baby soon. Five months will go by before you know it."
He rolls his eyes at the last bit. "Mom said the same thing, about five months going by."
"We've been there before, with you and Takeru both," his dad says, grinning. He looks at his watch. "We can talk more about this in the next few days. It's getting late, you've got school in the morning, and me work. We should both be getting to bed."
He nods agreeably, and stands up. "Dad... thank you," he says softly, and leans in, giving him a hug. His dad looks startled, but hugs him back readily enough. "Good night," he says, and goes to his room. He puts the envelope back up and undresses, climbing into bed with strangely mixed emotions. next chapter