Unequivocal, Chapter 04
Who knew a single drunken mistake could lead to a lifetime of consequences? Yamato sure didn't think so, but now he's got less than a year to figure out how to be a dad and he's not sure he can. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 3767 (12181) words, published 09-10-16
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Unequivocal
by: butterflie Chapter Four
Killing Me
"So I told my dad."
"About the..." Taichi trails off, looking around the classroom full of students, many of whom won't hesitate to spread gossip, and then raises his eyebrows meaningfully. Yamato nods. "How'd that go?"
He sighs as he idly pulls out the books for their next class. "He was understandably mad at first. But eventually he calmed down, and we talked a little bit about what I'm going to do about... all of it. We're supposed to talk more in the next few days and do some internet research. I showed him the picture too, and he sort of choked up a bit... That was awkward."
"You have a picture?" Taichi demands, waving his hands around in his excitement, and Yamato has to duck to avoid the pencil in Taichi's hand. "Why didn't I know about this? Why haven't you shown me?"
His eyes grow a bit large, slightly confused at Taichi's reaction. "I didn't realise it was a big deal... I can show you if you want? Come with me after school, it's at home."
"Oh trust me, I will. You didn't get in trouble?"
"No," he says, shaking his head. "He said I'll be punished enough in a few months."
Taichi snorts at that, opening his textbook to the appropriate page as their next teacher walks in. "I imagine he's right about that..."
* * *
Once school is over for the day they both walk to Yamato's apartment. Yamato lets them in, both of them greeting his dad, who's home early from work for once. He leaves his best friend in the living room to talk to his dad while he goes and gets the picture.
"How are you doing, Taichi?" he hears his dad ask as he heads down the hallway.
"Fine! Yamato's showing me the picture of the baby!" Taichi says excitedly, and Yamato shakes his head, grinning to himself. He quickly grabs the envelope and goes back to them. He throws himself down on the couch next to Taichi, and pulls the picture out and holds it so Taichi can see, setting the envelope down on the end table.
"See, this is the head," he says, pointing. He points to the opposite end. "And this is the feet... This is one of the baby's little hands sticking up..."
Taichi squints at it. "That's a baby?"
"Yeah. My baby." Yamato smiles. Even though it's still terrifying most of the time, he's really starting to like the sound of it. He didn't think he would, but he's actually starting to get a little bit excited to have a kid.
Taichi looks at him, then at his dad, then back at the picture. "It's cute," he says doubtfully.
He shoves at his best friend playfully, grinning. "Shut up."
Taichi flashes him a quick grin in return, then returns his attention to the picture, scrunching his face up as he studies it. "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Yamato shrugs casually as he reaches out for the envelope to put the picture back up. "Don't know yet. I won't for another month when she's got her next appointment."
"You going with her?"
"Are you kidding? She said her parents are still so mad they want to string me up alive. I'll be lucky if I get to be there when the baby's born."
* * *
"Alright, that's enough for today," Ny says tiredly, pulling his hands away from his keyboard. "Any later and we might as well just stay the night."
"Finally," Kenji groans, looking relieved through his exhaustion as he sets his drumsticks down.
The rest of them all begin to quickly pack up their instruments, but Yamato hesitates, standing there with his guitar still strapped around his chest. "Guys?"
They stop packing and look up at him, curious looks on their faces. "Yes?" Ny asks him.
"Can I talk to you for a minute? It's important," he adds, though he knows they're all willing to listen to regardless. With the exception of Nyusumi and Kenji, they've only all known each other for a couple of years, but they've become rather close in that time. They're more than just a band. They're a family, and he knows they'll always have his back.
They stop packing and grab various seats that have been left scattered around the band room. Ny begins absently fiddling with his dark blue ponytail as he waits. Yamato finally pulls off his guitar, setting it aside as he too takes a seat.
"What is it?" Ratsuii asks.
He takes a deep breath. He's done this three times already, but it doesn't get any easier. There's no way to predict anyone's reactions, and there's always the fear that the next person he tells won't want anything to do with him anymore. "You guys know Megumi?"
"That pregnant girl from 1-C?" Kenji asks, scratching his head as he tries to recall her better.
"That's my class," Ny remarks. "Word is Akihito is the dad. They're always eating together at lunch, whispering and giggling."
"She's starting to show, isn't she? I wonder when she's due."
"July," Yamato answers automatically, then realises what he's said when they all start staring at him. Once again, not how he intended to break the news. "Err..."
Kenji gets it first. "Oh man, you're the dad."
"Wait a minute. Isn't Megumi the girl that approached you after our last live?" Ny asks suddenly, remembering.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Yes, she is. And yes, I'm the dad... After we left you guys that night, we crashed a party and got drunk, and, well... one thing lead to another I guess. I don't even really like her that way, but now she's having my kid..."
"Man, that's rough," Kenji says, shaking his head. "But hey, we could make the kid our mascot! Bring him to all our lives, I bet the fangirls would go wild."
Yamato rolls his eyes. "Sure, let's do that. I mean, it might traumatise the baby slightly. But no big deal."
"Are you even keeping the baby?" Ratsuii asks. He's been quiet this whole time, a fact that Yamato hasn't failed to notice and get nervous over, but now he's finally speaking up. He's asking the practical questions as usual, which leaves Yamato hoping he's not being judged badly.
"Yes," he replies. He gives Ratsuii a wry smile. "Just me though. Megumi doesn't want any part of it once it's born."
"So you're just going to raise it alone?" Ny asks, concern lacing his tone.
"I mean, my parents are going to help. But mostly, yes." He sighs again. "Look, part of the reason I'm telling you this is because I want you guys to know I have no intentions of quitting the band. But, things might get difficult for awhile, I'll probably be stressed a lot and may be late to a practice or not always be able to go or something, and I'm hoping that you'll sort of understand and be patient. I still want to go major and I plan to work just as hard as you guys to make that happen."
"Just keep us in the loop, okay?" Ny says. "For example, if your kid's been sick all day and you know you can't make it, don't wait last minute to tell us. Well, I know things come up last minute sometimes and that's fine too, just... don't give us the feeling that you're not invested anymore. We can't do this without you. We need all four of us for this band to work."
Yamato smiles at him. "I'll do my best." He looks around at them. "Trust me, I don't intend to abandon you guys."
"We get to meet it though, right?" Kenji asks, looking excited. "The baby? Once it's born?"
"Of course you do, why wouldn't you? Look, I've even got a picture from Megumi's ultrasound. I'll show you sometime."
"Awesome!" Kenji says gleefully. "You're going to be a dad, this is so exciting!"
Yamato shakes his head at his friend, smiling. "If that's how you feel, you're certainly welcome to babysit anytime." He smirks. "Just be prepared for diaper changes, and feedings, and spit-up... Oh, and crying. Probably lots and lots of crying."
"You know, I think I've actually got plans after school. For the next two years or so, funnily enough. I'd love to if I was free though, really." Kenji grins.
He grins back, Kenji's good mood contagious. "You're impossible."
Ny laughs at them both. "Come on, we better get out of here, it'll be dark soon."
They begin to get up and go back to packing up, Kenji still asking him questions about the baby, most of which Yamato can't answer-"What are you naming it? Will it look like you? Is it a boy or girl?"-but eventually Kenji and Ny are gone, and it's just him and Ratsuii, who'd been lingering.
"Can we talk a moment?" Ratsuii asks seriously once the others have left.
Yamato looks at him warily, wondering if maybe Ratsuii isn't that cool with his impending fatherhood. Other than the one question, he hasn't a said a word since Yamato broke his news. "Sure, what's wrong?"
"You know Luna?"
"Your sister?" he asks curiously, feeling momentarily derailed as he recalls the small toddler he's seen with his friend a couple of times. He'd been expecting something about what a stupid decision he's making by keeping a baby. "What about her?" He becomes alarmed. "Is something wrong with her?"
Ratsuii shakes his head vigorously, chin-length brown strands of hair flying around as he does. "No! No, she's fine, that isn't what I meant."
"So what is it?"
He takes a deep breath and looks at him, his face grave. "Luna isn't my sister, she's my daughter."
Yamato's eyes widen in shock. He scrabbles around for words, feeling completely caught off-guard. "Are you serious? Isn't she two already?"
"Three, actually." Ratsuii looks a bit uncomfortable. "She was born when I was thirteen. You've seen the tattoo on my back?"
"The moon with the music notes?"
"Yes, and the date. It's to commemorate both her and her mom. The date is her birthday, as well as the day her mom died giving birth to her. The moon represents both of their names. Her mom's name is Tsukiko, it's why I even named my daughter 'Luna' in the first place."
"Shit, Ratz. I'm sorry. I had no idea..."
Ratsuii waves a hand, dismissing it. He picks up his guitar case and then slings his bookbag over his other shoulder. "I just don't like telling people, and Luna doesn't know the truth yet either. That's not really the point of me telling you anyway. I just wanted you to know, I've been where you're at, freaking out because you've got a kid on the way and you're still a kid yourself." He pauses and looks at Yamato, the most serious look on his face that Yamato's ever seen. "And I'm not going to lie, the first year or two will be tough. You'll spend a lot of time doubting yourself, wondering if you did the right thing, wondering if you're really capable of raising a kid. But it gets better, and it's worth it. Just, in the meantime, if you need help with anything... with the kid or just needing to talk or whatever... I'm willing to do whatever I can. You just have to let me know."
"Thanks..." Yamato says softly, touched. "That means a lot, Ratsuii. I really appreciate it."
"No problem." Ratsuii gives him a lopsided smile. "Just don't mention it to the others? I'd never hear the end of it from Kenji."
He laughs. "Yeah, I'm already expecting to be teased until the end of time. Don't worry, I won't say anything." He picks up his own guitar case and bookbag and they head out of the school, walking together in the rapidly darkening twilight, talking and laughing with a familiar ease.
* * *
A few weeks later, he finds himself in their old middle school, crowded with all of the other Chosen around a computer, excited and nervous anticipation thrumming through his veins. It's been too long-since last summer at least. Life keeps them busy, and constantly going in different directions. It's rare for them all to be able to get together like this, which means the moments they do, he cherishes all the more. That today it's for him especially makes him feel warm inside, and he can't stop smiling.
"We haven't done this in awhile," Jou remarks, pushing his glasses up on his nose as he looks at everyone happily. It's been awhile since Yamato has actually seen him-he mostly gets updates through Koushiro. Jou doesn't look too much different from the last time they spent time together, but his hair's gotten longer, and he's got it pulled neatly back into a ponytail. It makes him look a bit older somehow.
"Sure brings back memories, doesn't it?" Sora says, smiling at the old computer lab.
Koushiro looks around. "It's only been a year since you switched schools; it really hasn't changed that much, Sora."
"I don't think that was the point," Yamato tells him, grinning.
"Alright, enough talk! Everybody ready?" Miyako yells happily.
"Yes!" They all chorus back at her, and he laughs with excitement.
"Okay then!" She holds her digivice up in the front of the computer and they all gather around closer in anticipation. "Digital Gate, open!"
As usual, they land in a tangled heap of limbs, all grunting and shoving at each other to get free. A few complaints are heard as some of them don't manage to make it out unscathed.
Once they've all sorted themselves out, they take a moment to get their bearings. They've set their destination for File Island rather than the main areas of the Server Continent the younger Chosen had spent most of their time in two years ago, and aren't far from The Village of Beginnings. It takes less than an hour for their Digimon partners to reach them, all of them having felt the pull to each other the second they'd gone through the gate. In the meantime, they'd all began setting up for the picnic they'd prepared for.
Yamato hugs Gabumon fiercely once their Digimon partners reach them, glad to see him. He's missed his Digimon greatly, and regrets that he hasn't made an effort to see him sooner or more often.
"You've grown," Gabumon remarks, looking over him, and Yamato smiles.
A few hours later, they're all willing to relax, having played an impromptu game of soccer with their Digimon-organised by Taichi and Daisuke, of course-and then stuffed themselves with delicious food afterwards.
"That was great," Ken says softly, a kind smile lighting up his face. "Tell your mom thanks for all the food, Koushiro."
"We should do this more often," Mimi sighs happily, stretching out on her stomach on top of the flowery pastel blanket she'd brought. "Especially now that I'm back in Japan for a couple of years."
"Yeah! Come visit me, Mimi!" Palmon says, clapping her hands together and dancing around her partner in excitement.
"And me, Sora!" Piyomon chimes in, rubbing against Sora's side affectionately.
"I wanna visit Iori!" Armadimon says, wagging his tail a bit.
"Me too, Daisuke!" V-mon squeaks, and it's not long before all the rest of the Digimon are clamouring for their partners to visit them.
Yamato watches them in amusement, sprawled out on the blanket next to Mimi, shaking his head at her. "See what you've started now," he says, teasing, poking her gently in the side.
She giggles, grabbing Palmon's hands and smiling at her. "Don't worry Palmon, I'll come visit!"
"So when are we going to open your presents, Yamato?" Taichi asks, turning to him.
"Yeah!" Daisuke exclaims, pumping a fist in the air. "It's your birthday! You gotta open presents!"
"Here." Koushiro reaches into the large bag they'd brought, and pulls out a gaily-wrapped box, handing it to Taichi, who then dumps it unceremoniously in Yamato's lap.
Yamato stares at it a moment, but before he can even reach for it, another one is tossed on top of the first. "Ack! Taichi!" he cries in mock consternation.
"Then hurry up and open them!" Taichi orders, even as he drops a third and fourth one down.
"Okay, okay," he says, laughing as he reaches for a box. He reads the tag. "This one's yours, Taichi," he says, gently tearing the bright blue wrapping off. He blinks as he's momentarily blinded by the flash of Hikari's camera. When he can see again, he opens the box up, and finds that nestled among the tissue paper is a thick, black, coptic-bound journal, with the word "songs" embossed in silver on the front cover. He opens it up and finds the pages filled with both regular lines for lyrics, and five-line staffs for actual composing.
"I noticed that your current lyric journal is almost full, and starting to fall apart," Taichi says, sounding a bit nervous. He scratches his head, looking at Yamato. "I hope it's okay. Happy Birthday?"
Yamato smiles wide, closing the cover again reverently. "It's perfect," he says, the joy in his voice clear. "Thank you."
Taichi blushes a bit. "You're welcome." He eyes Mimi, who's sat back up by now and is giggling and nudging Jou. He apparently decides he doesn't want to know though, because he just motions to the next present, ignoring them.
Yamato sets the journal on the blanket beside him, and reaches for the next box. Ten boxes later, and he's got eleven presents stacked beside him and eleven very pleased friends. "Really guys, thank you all again," he says. "The presents are great, and the picnic was amazing. I've really enjoyed today." He looks around at all of them. "Now I've got a present of my own, sort of... I guess it's not exactly a present, though. But I have something to tell you guys."
Everyone except his brother and his best friend give him confused looks. They both come over and sit next to him in silent support, Takeru taking his hand and squeezing it a bit, and Taichi leaning over and briefly nudging his shoulder with his own.
"Should we be worried?" Sora asks, raising an eyebrow.
Yamato sighs. By this point, he's learned it's quicker to just come right out and say it, like ripping off a plaster. "I'm going to be a dad."
There's nothing but dead silence for a moment. Then the group explodes, humans and Digimon alike, all talking over one another, everyone trying to ask him questions at the same time. The noise actually hurts his ears a little bit.
Jou putting his fingers to his mouth and giving a shrill whistle stops everyone in their tracks, though Yamato winces and covers his ears momentarily. "Let Yamato talk," he says pointedly, and everyone looks appropriately remorseful.
He gives Jou a grateful look, and then continues on. "Since I've gotten the same questions every time I've told someone, I might as well address them now," Yamato tells them. "Yes, I am going to be a dad. The mom is a girl I met at one of my lives, most of you won't know her. Yes, I am keeping the baby and raising it myself. No, the mom is not helping. No, I don't know what I'm naming it yet. Yes, both of my parents know, along with Taichi and Takeru here. And lastly, no, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet."
"So you're raising it all alone?"
"Yes. Mostly. With my parents' help some," he amends, shrugging at Jou.
"That's... admirable," Koushiro remarks. "And tough. Why not give it up for adoption?"
He lets out a sigh. "It wasn't so much about doing the right thing, or being seen as admirable... I just knew I'd never be able to live with myself if I gave it up. I'd forever be wondering about the kid I had out there in the world somewhere."
"Well I think it's great!" Mimi says excitedly, bringing her hands together in glee. "You're going to be a daddy! We'll have to go shopping, and get tons of cute clothes to dress the baby in! I can't wait!"
Yamato looks faintly alarmed at that. "Maybe..." he says, secretly hoping not. He's not sure he can handle a shopping trip with Mimi. He takes comfort in the fact that the other boys look just as alarmed at the thought as he does.
Later, when he's fielded as many questions as he can handle and they've broken off into smaller groups, most of them spending some one-on-one time with their Digimon, Gabumon approaches him.
"This 'being a dad' thing... It's a big deal?" he asks curiously, sitting down beside his partner.
Yamato gives him a half-smile. "Yeah, kinda." He motions to the Village of Beginnings nearby. "Here in the Digital World, all of the Digimon are born there, and cared for by Elecmon until they're old enough to leave. But in my world, it's a bit different. You know we all live with our parents. It's a big deal when two adults decide to have a baby and raise it. You have to spend the next twenty or so years taking care of it as it grows up, and making sure you have enough money to provide for it. It's not usually something you decide lightly."
"Aren't you still growing yourself, though?"
"Yes... which is why it's an even bigger deal for me, and why everyone was so surprised. I made a mistake, and now I'm going to have a kid even though I'm still one myself. I'll still have to go to school and do my band stuff and finish growing up myself while caring for a baby. It's going to be really hard," Yamato admits, voice rough. "I'm not sure I can do it."
Gabumon leans into his side, offering his support. "You're a good person, Yamato, and you're strong. I remember how you cared for Takeru when you both were younger. I believe in you."
"Thanks, Gabumon," Yamato whispers. They grow quiet, watching the sky go from its usual brilliant blue to beautiful shades of pink and orange as the sun begins to set. They'll have to leave soon, he knows, but for now he's content to just sit here with Gabumon and put off growing up a little bit longer. "I mean, it might traumatise the baby slightly," is originally from Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I haven't even read it, but my friend sent me several of the lines from Scorpius, and I love them. I couldn't resist using this one :D next chapter