1st Banana

[luxury_banana]

[A portly, mustachioed man leaps up from his bed, shocked and gasping for breath. He touches his face to see if something is amiss. It ought to be. For one, he isn't wet. He should still be in the currents of a sewer, being carried off to oblivion. Secondly, there aren't any trumpets. Yes, there should be trumpets

Comments

[Action]

[godisachild]

[Oh hey Fassad. Someone stupid kid is rounding the corner and managed to bump into you, knocking his own stupid ass to the ground. He looks up, scowling, and preparing to lay into the man. Until he notices his "hat".]

PFFFFFFFF!

Nice hat, loser! What, couldn't find a garbage can to fit over your big fat head?

[He looks younger. No facial hair, no wrinkling, and the blue tint to his skin isn't as pale as it had been.

But it's still clearly him.]

[luxury_banana]

[Well, this has been an irritating day. Not only did he explode just a few hours ago, swimming alongside the wastes of New Pork City, a kid starts making fun of him just after crashing.

He wasn't going to take it. Fassad raises his fists.]

No, but I can throw you into-

[... then realization dawns.]

... A Porky-Bot. How did His Highness' toys end up here? Bah, the volume on this thing is grating.

[... or not. For now. He tries finding the switch to turn down the volume on Pokey.]

[godisachild]

[Well Pokey just narrows his eyes at Fassad for that. He pushes Fassad's arm away, backing up and glaring at the strange, stupid-looking man, his hands curling into fists. Right now? The anger and irritation he's feeling for the man is clouding any realization he might have about what Fassad just said.]

Back off freakshow, or you'll be wearing your stupid lampshade somewhere else.

[luxury_banana]

[As lifelike as the Porky-Bots were meant to be, this was... an unexpected response. Fassad should have authorization to get near the robot without it exploding, which wasn't happening at the moment, fortunately, but...

Something about this "robot" seemed off. And familiar.]

If you are not a robot, then you can only be human. And if you are human, then... You are Master Porky, yes?

[Action]

[tapshoetomove]

[Luke just watches this from not too far away.]

...Just so you know, a lampshade is meant for a lamp, not your head.

[luxury_banana]

[Fassad's attention turns over to the young English boy nearby. He gives an exasperated sigh which quickly turns into... a smile.]

Hahaah! Yes, boy, you are correct. But a lamp is bright and so am I... Which is why I'm wearing this lampshade!

Eh? Do you get it?

[Even when irritated beyond belief, he still needed to put on a facade. Never know when a good attitude might come in handy.]

[tapshoetomove]

[He stares for a moment.]

Um, I guess so. But your jokes could use some work.

[luxury_banana]

What is there to joke about? Hahaw! [The man starts twirling his mustache around like the non-villain that he is.]

I am always very serious. And I will seriously tell you my name. My name is Fassad and I am a peddler.

Phone

[burnmycapital]

Why do you need a hat?

[luxury_banana]

"Why" does not matter. The fact of the matter is that I need a hat. You do not question "why" you need to drink water or go to sleep regularly. It's just what you need!

[burnmycapital]

You will die without it?

[The cheerful tone definitely doesn't match the question. At all.]

[luxury_banana]

What is this... excitability I'm hearing? Would you like me to die from lacking a hat?

[Fassad definitely picks up on it.]

[ phone ]

[freedomofwomen]

Ah, such a strange priority for those who arrive here.. [ She giggles. ]

Nonetheless, it shouldn't be that hard to find a clothing store, right..?

[luxury_banana]

But I would have to go outside to find a clothing store to find a hat. But I will be without a hat. It's a cruel paradox that I would like to put to sleep as quickly as possible. That is why I need to know where to find a store.

[freedomofwomen]

Hmm, but in that case going outside without a hat is inevitable, isn't it..? Even if you knew where to find a clothing store, you would still have to go outside to access it.

[luxury_banana]

[Fassad eyes the lamp sitting on a table a few feet away.]

Bah, then what are you saying, woman? Are you offering me a hat that I can use?

[Because that would be worlds better than the lampshade.]

phone

[notalwystrthful]

... Is it a life or death matter?

[luxury_banana]

It's beyond simple life and death! They can't compare to the gravity of this situation.

[notalwystrthful]

Oh?

[luxury_banana]

It is... Something you cannot understand.