i hate the feeling of letting people down when there is no other choice than the one you have made. This new part of life that i have jsut begun is exciting and good but making so many other decisions a million times harder and making priorities so much more important. .. am realising that life is not going to stay this way.... it is time to grow

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sometimes the world makes me so frustrated i want to scream out loud. Small injustices and the worlds willingness to be swept along with ridiculous things makes me so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!

agh i feel overwhelmed by a billion little things i have to do in about 1 hour tomorrow morning.

on the upside of things i found a pair of navy blue pants from work that were not made of scary nylon like material and did not resemble my yr 9 school pants. Quite a find!!!

I want to know you more and trust you more and be fulfilled by you alone, so when it is raining and i am tired and sick and i feel distant from the people standing around me, i dont want to cry but rather know that i am undeservingly saved by the author of life.. grace alone.

on the 6th of March i officially become a grown up and begin work at Sutherland Hospital
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

how do you make it when you want to be so much more than what you are..
there are so many decisions to make and i cant even decide which ones count.. where do you start

last night we sat on my front steps in a silence that is comforting in a way i had forgotten. I feel filled to the brim.

and then on the train today i read this.. "To have all else without Him is to perish in the end" and i know the only real hope and satisfaction lies with the one who saves me.

praying my eyes are fixed on Him who is all things

it has been so long.
i have done so many things,
thoughts so many thoughts.
so many moments gone unmentioned yet..
in me they well up and fill me with joy and fear and excitement and hurt. i don't know how to explain it all. too many things. too many..
right now i am tired but too frustrated/ agitated to go to sleep.


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"Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heaven's,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O Lord you preserve both man and beast.
how priceless is your unfailing love" Psalm 36

unfailing love.. I am loved unconditionally and unfailingly

hmm. TOday i went to work like any other day. I was wearing a stretch waisted skirt, like most other days.. but today.. oh.. as i went to stand up from crouching to get something out of a cupboard my shoe caught the back of my skirt and pulled it down, revealing my striped undies to everyone walking past the window i was facing. It was so funny, ( Read more... )