I was on my way to work today and felt a bit lonely. I dont know why, I guess going through so much change in my life makes life seem very foreign to me. I dont know why I am so not used to change. My life has been changing for the better, and I see this as a good thing. I am going to school, right now there is a low waiting 3 weeks for next ( Read more... )

Ok Yea, hearing his voice now for me feels like I am swept away on a big fluffy cloud. I have experienced this in the past, but most so last night talking with him on the phone. This feels good, a little scary knowing I am not going to be able to talk to him for the next three months, but you know there is a lot to be said about being able to miss ( Read more... )

Well, Christmas has come and gone. I was supposed to go over to visit with my grandma at my aunts house, and this did'nt work out. My grandmother invited me and when shenotified my aunt, she got pissy and said she didnt want anyone extra invited over. I thought that since this was the first christmas after she lost her husband, that she wanted an ( Read more... )

Well talking with Chris last eemed extremely hopefull. I didnt think that him acknowledging treatment was going to be a successfull as it has been. No that I dont doubt hisd ability to make sound and honest decisions, its just that the one thing that I hoped (and I use this term wisely here) is that he realize that he needs to make some changes and ( Read more... )

I wanted so desperatly to give Chris something for christmas. I thought about looking online for something to buy him, but I am really broke. So I did the next thing. I brushed up on my artistic skills and I wrote him a poem. I havent brought myself to write poetry in a long time. I only write poetry when there is someone special in my life to ( Read more... )

Well here I am at work. The x-mas holliday has almost came and went. I feel shitty that I cant get the people I care for anything for christmas. I realize that everyone in my life that knows anything about me, knows my current situation. This comforts me a little, but I so desperatly want to be in the christmas spirit ( Read more... )

Well, I came home and I wanted to so desperatly talk to Chris. I waited and no call. So I went to bed. I decided that I wouldnt call and that was the way it was going to be ( Read more... )

Ok nobody was home when I called, I guess you can say that I am relieved t o hear that no news is good news at this poing. I went to the bank, and I called his sponsor. His sponsor told me that I was doing the right thing by telling him that if he doesnt seek help, I can't be there for him. Well I dont know why I didnt come up with this on my own, ( Read more... )

I am scared to death. I talked to my mom, and she told me I had a legal obligation to call the police about Chris writing a suicide note. I DIDNT. Now I am affraid to call, because he may have actually went through with it. Right now it is safer for me to not know, than it would be to know. I will wait for either him to call, or for me to call on ( Read more... )

I called Chris last night on my way home, spoke to his parents and was enlightened to the fact that an ultimatum was in effect. The ultimatum was that he had three options. (1) Go into treatment for an extended period of time (2) go tto the mission (3) return to the streets and resume his drug seeking behavoir. After speaking briefly with his dad, ( Read more... )